The Rediff Special

'I don't have to please anybody so I don't suck up to anybody'

Ashwina Vakil

Vulnerability is not something Shobha will be caught displaying but the fact is that she is as open to hurt and bewilderment as the rest of us. That she's been constantly judged as an extension of her very glamorous, very frightening persona, is something that causes her some discomfort, though she's loath to admit it.

"Sometimes it gets on my nerves, just the pressure of it. Having to conform to people's expectations is boring. Some people who meet me on a one to one basis do see beyond the veneer, the facade, and I enjoy those interactions, they mean a lot to me. Many don't have the insight or intelligence to look beyond the facade, that's their problem. I can't go around saying that's a person created by the media, this is the real me. I don't care anymore!"

Tomorrow, she says, she can walk away from it all. "Nothing is that important to me careerwise, there are no goals I'm feverishly working towards, no ambition that I'm going to kill myself for. I'm doing what I enjoy and at this stage of my life it's what I want to do." That she enjoys writing is quite evident, consider the amount she manages to do!

That all of her writings always provokes reaction is something else she's learnt to live with. "I don't align myself with anybody, I'm completely independent as a writer. I don't have to please anybody so I don't suck up to anybody. I can do what I want to, I don't have to care about offending anyone," she claims.

It can be very tiring for anyone to live up to such a carefully cultivate image and Shobha is no exception. 'What I feel increasingly bugged by is the pressure to look a certain way. I'm really indifferent about my appearance, it's never been important enough to me to present this glamorous vision to the world. I don't care about playing to the gallery but people feel shortchanged, let down, if I'm anything else and sometimes that can get annoying. But on the other hand I enjoy the image on many levels. It suits me, it works for me, why should I fight it? I should play with it, turn it around to my own advantage."

Which she does very well. She continues to play a part to perfection, she continues to write books that cause the establishment to have apoplectic fits, she continues to be Shobha De. How does she survive herself? "I think it's my sense of humour. I don't take Shobha De that seriously. I take that persona with a fistful of salt and so does my family. I feel very detached the rest of me. I'm very clear about who I am, where I come from where I'm going, there's no dichotomy in my head, no confusion. The two roles never overlap. I can play both very well, in fact I can play the other very convincingly because I know what the real self is deep down and I never fool myself. That's my strength. The facade is for fun. I know me. And I'm not such a tough person to survive!"

Kind courtesy: Society

Shobha De will appear on the Rediff Chat on Wednesday, February 19, 2000 hours IST (0930 hours ET), to discuss her bestseller. Be there!

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