February 26:

Love Guru says, Hi everyone! Time to get started with those relationship issues! Let's get cracking!

darshan asked, How do you know which girl is the right one for you...whom should you spend the rest of your life with?

Love Guru answers, Nobody can give you the answer to your question, Darshan -- it's instinct, plain and simple!

bhushan asked, i like a girl ...who comes to my gym .........she comes wid her friends........i want to ask her out...i have not spoken to her yet..............i am scared she might refuse..........wht do i do

Love Guru answers, If you approach her when all her friends are around, the chance of being shot down is considerably higher. So one day when she's there by herself, why not strike up a casual conversation? Don't ask her out the first time you speak to her -- it's too forward and hardly anyone would go on a date with a stranger. Get to know her, chat at the gym, get to know her friends and ask them all out as a group. If you take along a female friend of yours to the gym, it may be easier to break the ice. That's what friends of the opposite sex are for!

soumya asked, igave 100% dedication to her but i cant get that much from her i want to see that dedication & that love for me what can i do?

Love Guru answers, It can't be measured in a cup, you know. So why don't you take her word for it and lower your expectations? It looks to me like you're creating a problem where there isn't one. Unless it's blatantly clear that she is using you -- in which case, you shouldn't be with her in the first place.

ab asked, am 33 yr old widow have 7 yr boy,involved with a divorce 38,he hve 2children,15,boy,9 yr daumy parents r ready,but his parents are ready for accepting my but without my kid.but i can,t leave my baby,but he is ready to accept my kid,i willing to start my life fresh but not at the cost of my losing my kid,i don,t wanna force him to convince herparents.i want to live respectful and dignified life with my kid.don,t know what to do.what i do that his parents accep my n my baby so he get the love of father.can you give some nice solution,so that nobody hurts,and make happy family together

Love Guru answers, His parents have some cheek saying they won't accept your son! Why should you accept his, then? It works both ways. Even if your fiance is ready to accept him, it will be very difficult for your son to live in a home where his step-siblings are accepted and he is not. So make sure that you live separately from these horrible in-laws of yours.

raks asked, Hi LG...i liked a girl a lot and she herself proposed me 1.5 yrs back..ours was a happy relationship..even our parents knew abt it...they too were happy...she was still studying ...But few months back..i got upset over her for some issue and scolded her bitterly...After that i apologised to her ..she too accepted it..but nothing was normal after that as before...Now recently she said she doesnt want to continue this relationship as she is not happy with it, but she wud like to continue as my friend..i know i did a mistake once, but i corrected myself..But still she says am forcing myself upon her...Now what to do?? WAIT FOR HER AND HOPE THINGS GET BACK TO NORMAL AFTER FEW YEARS??? She still has 2 yrs of study to complete her education...I Like her still a lot...

Love Guru answers, Nobody waits for things to 'get back to normal after a few YEARS' my friend! Look, maybe it's not that she hasn't forgiven you for the argument, but that the argument made her realise that you both are not compatible? Tell her that giving a second chance to someone you love is only fair -- after all, you apologised and have never repeated the same, have you? If she's not in love with you anymore, there's really nothing you can do about it.

sr asked, Hi Love guru. I am Niha 19 yrs old and madly in love with 34 yrs guy from past 4 years...After so much of proposal and hardwork he atlast agreed to me after 2 years. now its been more than 2 yrs in relationship with him. And he dosent looks like 34 yrs he looks like a 25 yrs old. He is very good and very supportive to me and he also loves me so much and till date he hasnt took any advantage on me. He is telling that next year he will ask his parents to go and meet my parents.... But my mom knows that i love him very much because he is our family friend. Pls help me how to approach my parents in this matter to agree on him... I cant live without him. I Know there is 15 yrs age gap b/w us. But there r so many people who are married in this age gap and living happily. Pls help me how to approach my parents. I cant think anybody other than him.

Love Guru answers, Listen, even I think you're a little young to be in a relationship with someone so much older than you. It's not a 15 year age gap that counts, but the age you're at right now. Like someone who is 33 marrying someone who is 48 may work out, because they are both mature enough to make such a decision. But for you, getting married even two years from now, at 21? To someone who is 36? You have hardly experienced life yet. If you;'re still hung-up on this decision, you'll just have to stand up to your parents. And if he's a family friend, they may not have such a big problem with it.

sady asked, 51 yr old healthy,wife 47 healthy and really hve still good body,,our children r married hve babies n settled in there life;s me n she lives alone,now i want to enjoy some memorable moments with her,but she doesn,t supportive ,as she find me some lusty ,(you can say,tharki or budape may jawani,bachey kua kehege),but i like to enjoy new things,wish to enjoy a some lovable honeymoon,but due to his attitude,i get hurt,in anger i get touch some lonely lady have some 2 times shot,but i don,t find any peace in that relationship,so called off,just want to enjoy with wife.is there any way to convince her.

Love Guru answers, Yes, there is -- you're as young as you feel. And happy marriages are those where both partners are passionate and intimate for as long as they can be. Explain to your wife that you find her beautiful and that love and sex have nothing to do with age. She is being foolish by clinging to old-fashioned views when she could be enjoying life with you. Tell her that her attitude is having a negative impact on your relationship.

hemant asked, LoveGuru, My girlfriend is not responding me. I have ignored her because she was so friendly to her friends and I was disliking this. In order to change her character, I ignored her. But now it caused a huge gap between us. She is not even speaking/mailing me for last 7 months. What should I do? Did I need to contact her again?? Please advise me..Still I love her very much and I don't want to loss her. Mean while, I don't want to lower down my dignity too??

Love Guru answers, Hemant, don't ever try to 'teach someone a lesson' because more often than not, it backfires. You've dug the hole you're wallowing in right now. You had no right to stop her from being friendly with pals and you were even more stupid to try and change her by ignoring her. I think you're the one who needed a lesson for your foolish possessiveness and unreasonable attitude. And you've had it. Now, you better be prepared to lower your dignity or lose this girl for good. Because there is no ego in love and you should be able to talk to your partner about anything at all without losing face. So go back, apologise -- because it is YOUR fault -- and ask her to take you back. You will also have to change your ways -- accept her friends and let her do as she pleases with her life. As long as she is a good girlfriend to you, there is nothing wrong with her having other friends.

rani asked, Hi My name is Hema.My age is 23 and I am working for he past 2 years. My parents are looking for a guy for marriage. I look so thin and my physical structure is so small. I hope u understand what I am saying. I am very much worried that I will get married or not due to these factors. And usually guys expect girls to be having a good physique.Eventhough I am very fair, I think these things will be a negative factor in me. For the past one year I am eating eggs and so many fatty items but still I can’t put my weight and looks normal according to my age. I feel depressed bcoz of this and I am also feeling inferior when I see other girls who belong to my same age group.Pls help me to solve this problem….

Love Guru answers, Hema, stop measuring yourself up with other women. And stop gorging on fatty foods, because it's unhealthy -- you may not gain weight, but your cholesterol may shoot up all the same! Join a gym -- they're not just for losing weight. They have weight gain programmes too. Enroll and do as you're told, they will help you achieve your target weight. And remember, everyone is beautiful in their own way. For instance, actress Kate Winslet of Titanic fame has always been slightly plump, but she's perceived as far sexier than many other Hollywood babes with flat tummies! In the same manner, you may be slightly thinner, but be confident of yourself and don't go by the standard.

rajesh asked, I actually love a girl & already proposed her by saying I want to marry u but she 1st asked for few days to think but after that she has told me that at this moment I am less interested in this but when i asked her for future she has told how could I guarantee the futute what will going to happen because the life is vey big.

Love Guru answers, Look, for now she has said no. But she has also hinted that in future you may be together. So just remain her friend, stay in contact with her and see where it goes. If you're not pushy, I think eventually she will warm up to you and come around.

Sudhir asked, Hi LG, I and my love interest are immensely in Love with each other though we have not expressed it explicitly. The problem is that I got introduced to her through a common friend but that friend has had a rough and up and down relation with her off late. Now i fear that when all three might be present at a time, all will feel uncomfortable. I dont want to chose between the two but at same time I want her in my life. What should I do?

Love Guru answers, Listen, Sudhir. Maybe you need to talk to this girl and clarify how she feels about you first. If she loves you as much as you say, why hasn't she left your friend yet? If she does love you, she should call things off with your friend immediately. Then, let a few months pass before you start dating her officially, if you don't want to lose your friend. Or he will accuse you of betrayal. It will be awkward for him anyway to have his pal dating his ex, but if he moves on it will be easier for him and far less awkward.

taru asked, hye LG,M in love from past four years,we meet very rare,whenever i ask to meet he keep on making excuses,he is very possessive also,never let me go with frends,about me coleagues he is very scared,always keep on thinking that i must be doing smthing wrong,may be m cheating him,i explained him a lot but no results,he says he has faith on me but not on people around me,don't knw why,whenever i ask him about merriage plans he says he need time for that,m very much tired of his behaviour,as he always keep on blaming me,pls suggest me should i go further with this relation as m very much confused, i want to mery him but from his behaviour m not sure about him wht he want,pls love guru sort out my problem.

Love Guru answers, The biggest mistake people make, my dear, is going ahead with marriage assuming their partner will change after it. That NEVER happens. And from what you tell me of your boyfriend, he is an absolute jerk. He doesn't like you having friends, he doesn't like you associating with colleagues, he doesn't like to meet you, he doesn't even know if he wants to marry you -- please! Just dump him and move on! All this rubbish about trusting you and not trusting others is so much rubbish! He may make all kinds of false promises to you if you threaten to break up, but something tells me he will be back to his old ways very soon. I say move on.

Illustrations: Uttam Ghosh

(Advice from the Love Guru does not necessarily reflect the opinions of Rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.)

Also see: 'My girlfriend has a dreadful past'