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How To Turn A Situationship Into A Relationship

By SHAHZEEN SHIVDASANI
November 11, 2024

If you're looking to transition into a committed relationship, it's important to establish clear boundaries.
Define what you need, how you want to spend time together and what you won't tolerate, suggests relationship expert Shahzeen Shivdasani.

Kindly note the image -- a scene from the film -- Do Aur Do Pyaar -- has been posted only for representational purposes. Photograph: Kind courtesy Disney+Hotstar

You meet a special someone and there's an instant spark.

There is love, intimacy, a strange desire to be together. But you are not ready yet to take it to the next level.

You realise you are now stuck in a passionate, romantic relationship without any commitment.

Situationships can be one of the most confusing phases of any relationship.

What is a situationship?

It is a type of relationship where the two people are more than just friends but you are not exactly in a committed relationship either.

There are no labels or boundaries.

It can be temporary or long-lasting.

When you are in a situationship, you are uncertain about where things are going.

Even if you want to take the next step, you are unsure if the other person feels the same.

Sound familiar?

Here are 10 essential tips to help you transition from a situationship into a long-term commitment.

1. Figure out what you want first

Before you bring up the conversation, it's essential to figure out exactly what you want.

Do you want exclusivity?

Are you ready to put in the effort a serious relationship requires?

What are your deal breakers?

Understanding your own needs and desires will help you see if they align with the other person's.

2. Have 'the talk'

The most crucial step is having that honest conversation.

While it can feel intimidating, it’s important to be upfront.

Find a time when both of you are calm and free from distractions.

Share how you feel and what you're looking for in your life right now.

Be clear about where you'd like the relationship to go and ask them about their intentions.

Putting your cards on the table is key.

Remember, communication drives progress.

3. Actions speak louder than words

People can say anything but it’s their actions that really matter.

After having 'the talk,' pay attention to whether their behaviour matches what they've said.

Are they making an effort to meet your needs?

Are they working on growing the bond?

When actions align with words, it's a sign that someone is truly ready to commit.

4. Set clear boundaries

In situationships, boundaries are often unclear which leads to emotional confusion.

If you're looking to transition into a committed relationship, it's important to establish clear boundaries.

Define what you need, how you want to spend time together and what you won't tolerate.

Setting boundaries helps both partners understand each other’s expectations.

5. Move away from the casual

Situationships often thrive on vagueness and casual encounters.

To shift toward something more meaningful, reduce spontaneous hangouts and focus on planned, intentional dates.

You must invest time in connecting on a deeper emotional level rather than keeping it just physical.

By making things less casual, you naturally guide the relationship towards more commitment.

6. Deepen emotional intimacy

To strengthen your bond, engage in conversations about each other's lives, goals and dreams.

Ask about their family, share your aspirations and open up about your personal journey.

Spend time together in places where you can talk and genuinely connect, not just hook up.

Building emotional intimacy leads to a more meaningful connection.

7. Set a time limit

While patience is important, it's crucial to set a personal time limit.

Give the bond time to grow but don't wait indefinitely for someone to make up their mind about you.

If they genuinely want a relationship, they will put in the work to build it.

If not, decide how long you’re willing to stay in this undefined space before moving on.

8. Walking away is sometimes necessary

No matter how much effort you put in, if the other person isn’t ready or willing to do the same, you may need to walk away.

If they're still hesitant to move forward, it’s a sign that you deserve better.

Sometimes, walking away will clarify whether they truly want to be with you.

If they come back, it’ll be with a renewed commitment. If they don’t, they were never going to.

9. Commit to yourself

In the quest for commitment, it’s easy to lose sight of yourself.

Whether you're in a relationship or not, your own happiness should be a priority.

Are you focusing on the areas of your life that need attention?

Are you spending time with loved ones?

The best relationships often come when you're committed to personal growth and happiness, regardless of your relationship status.

10. Never, ever settle for less

If it feels like less, it probably is less.

If you believe you deserve more, trust that instinct.

Don't settle for something just because it seems like the only option.

True connections can be hard to find but if your gut tells you there's more out there, believe it.

You deserve more and listening to yourself will lead you to it.

Remember, if it is the right person, they won’t be able to let you walk away.

SHAHZEEN SHIVDASANI

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