Rediff Logo World Cup 99
April 29, 1999

The funny side of cricket:
Bhattach: There's actually quite an interesting story...Harold Larwood was batting in a county match, and was being peppered with the short-pitched stuff. The bowler (whose name I can't remember) obviously fancied himself as a tailender's nightmare...Anyway, Larwood, after receiving one too many perfume balls, glared down the pitch and said dangerously, "It'll be my turn soon."

"Don't worry", came the reply,"if you pitch it in my half, I'll hit you out of the ground, and if you pitch it in your half, I'll hit you out of the county."

Soon enough, it was Larwood's turn to take the field, and he ran through the top order, obviously quite eager to settle scores with the upstart. He reminded him of that, as he took guard. Once again, the batsman reminded him how far it was to the next county.

"We'll see", said Larwood, went back to his mark, and exploded into his runup.... The upstart never saw the ball. It reared up wickedly towards his face and after barely fending it off, he caught a glimpse of it falling well short of first slip. He tucked his bat under his arm and started walking.

"Come back and fight," called Larwood.. Well bowled, Lol, well bowled!" came the reply. "You weren't out," said the umpire. "In my opinion, gentlemen," replied the upstart, "that was the fairest catch I've ever seen!"

The funny side of cricket:
cricfan: Playing in a cricket match I was standing at the non-striker's end. The batsman at the other end was batting on 49 and was quite anxious to get to his 50. The bowler bowled a fast full toss ball and in his excitement the batsman hit him for a straight drive. I saw the ball coming at me like a runaway train. Realizing I couldn't get out of the way of the ball, I put my bat infront of the ball. The ball hit my bat and popped up for an easy catch to the bowler. To this day he hasn't forgiven me for getting him out at 49.

The funny side of cricket:
Salil Joshi: When India visited England 1986( I am not sure about the year, but Kapil smashed 4 sixes in an over to avoid the follow -On ) Raman Lamba (as a 12th man) was substituting K. Srikanth. He forgot to go back to pavilion even after Srikanth was back on to the field. Meanwhile India was having 12 fielders on the field for complete one over.

The funny side of cricket:
Shariq Ahmed: It was a county match between Somerset and Glamorgan. A little, unknown batsman with no talent, named Vivian Richards was at the crease. Greg Thomas, a Glamorgan fast bowler thundered in and beat the great man's bat.

"It's red and it's round. Can't you see it?", the bowler taunted Richards.

The next ball was an action replay. The ball pitched three quarters of length on middle and off, seamed away, and once again Richards was all at sea and comprehensively beaten.

"It's red and it's round and it weighs four-and-a-half ounces. Can't you see it?", Greg Thomas quipped.

Richards took a stroll, summoned his powers of concentration, swung his arms around, took a fresh guard and got ready for the next ball. Greg Thomas came running in. The delivery was right in the slot, and Viv launched into one of his trademark shots and smashed the ball out of the ground and straight into the river that flowed around it. The master blaster told the hapless bowler who almost died watching the ball go. "You know what it looks like... go get it!"

The funny side of cricket:
deepak: NOVEL idea and article. Wondering if you can put something together about the history and incidents of verbal spates between players in ODI's and tests? I know its a wierd request but you know gossip makes good reading especially when there is no cricket to follow at this time. Thanks,

The funny side of cricket:
Arvind: I remember this incident from the Indian tour of West Indies in 82-83. Actually, it was in the Indian tour of Windies in 97 that either Charu sharma or Harsha Bhogle, I'm not sure which of them, related it. Anyway, here it goes. It was the second test match at Queens Park Oval, Port of Spain. We had lost the first test match, though thats hardly related to the incident. One of the guys in the crowd had a bet with two others that Sunny would score more than Greenidge and Haynes combined!!! The day began and Holding breezed in to pack Sunny back, though not before he score a single. This guy who waged all his savings on Sunny that the best thing to do was to leave the venue and never to be seen again. India went on to go ahead and make all fo 175 before making the Windies bat again. The other two who were for the greeny-haynes combo were enraged that the rat had slinked off after what had happened, not honouring the bet. As it happen, Sandhu came in to bowl and before anyone could realise what had happened, both Greenidge and Haynes were back in the pavilion on individual scores of 0 and 0!!! I really dont know what happened to the bet though.....

The funny side of cricket:
Pradeep: Prem U r a great writer, the article was really cool!!!, U know Prem the best thing about U is U know how to be different from others, like at this time everyone is in the process of criticising Indian team but U took a break and came up with something totally different. Prem please please please please please please get this guy Arvind out of Rediff Thanks & Regards, Pradeep

The funny side of cricket:
Udai Kumar: Absolutely magical!!!! Prem Panicker can't get any better...

The funny side of cricket:
Swaminathan: This one happened way back when Narottam Puri was at his best. That was Simon O'Donnell's first match and Puri went " Simon O'Donnell is making his Debut for the first Time".Poor Simon must be wondering how many times he can make a debut!!!

This one was from One of Narottam's contempraries. This was during the England - India Test Match in Chennai in 1994. This gentleman was discussing about England's field placing. Chris Lewis was standing at Square leg and our man probably wanted to show that he knew about Lewis West Indian roots (Chris was actually from Barbados).He shocked the listeners saying "The Barabarian is at Square leg...". Gosh!!!

The funny side of cricket:
Sanjay raj: Excellent.

The funny side of cricket:
Arvind Sujeeth: Prem, It was very interesting to read your humourous stuff in this so called serious cricket. It was a bet match and the winner would be given a combo treat which included a dinner followed by a movie The thrilling began like this. It was the last ball of the innings for us. We needed to score 3 to win. Being the last batsman,I was very cautious not to get out and thought of giving some nick to the bat and run to death. All the attention was on me and just before that ball was bowled,I conversed with my runner to run for two byes atleast, in case I missed to whack. We agreed happily, knowing the weakness of the wicket keeper. Amidst that tensed moments, the fast bowler bowled a little bit off, I saw the ball for a fraction of second, knelt down and thumped heavily for a huge sixer. the ball went so high and even crossed the boundary in the air. My entire team ran to the pitch to lift me off on to their shoulders. Unfortunatly, the ball hit the tree just outside the boundary and fell down a few inches within the boundary. There were heated arguments, physical attacks and the umpires(less cognizant) were confused to declare the actual value of that shot. Finally, after one hour the captains agreed to declare the match as no result and both team should treat each other during the next two week-ends. I was on a wave of euphoria for hitting that ball heavily and we all knew we won that match but slipped it for our friends. Still I feel high considering the amount of sportsmanship we had those days. -- Arvind Sujeeth, California.

The funny side of cricket:
Naresh: Hi Prem, This is really amusing stuff and much needed too. Nowadays people have been ignoring the fun side of sports!! Naresh

The funny side of cricket:
Devendra Shastri: : There's this anecdote aboutt Chandrashekar, once in England, getting a batsman plumb in front twice. Both times, he was turned down. A ball later, he sent one through and bowled the batsman. Chandra goes, Howzaaat? The umpire looks puzled and says, he's bowled. Chandra's reply was a classic: "I know he is bowled, but is he out?"

The funny side of cricket:
Kalyanaraman: Hi Prem you missed two funny incidents by Indian umpires one was in Titan cup match between India and SAfrica when the umpire went to the boundry to check for a sixer or four without asking third umpire.Another one was when the umpire while raising his hand to give Jadeja out stopped midway and adjusted his hat.This match between India and Srilanka

The funny side of cricket:
Ajith: Hi I am a Masters student in Toledo,Ohio.I have a good memory and good writing writing skills and i have followed cricket right from my childhood with great passion.My friends used to tease me on my ability to remember scores and statistics concerning players.I can be analytical with my views.I was the editor of my Engg college magazine back in Kerala state,India. Reading some of the aritcles here(some are very good),i feel i can do a very good job with Cricket world cup around the corner. yours sincerely, Ajith Kumar phone-419-537-9208(USA)

The funny side of cricket:
Anindya Ghosh: Talking of Selectorial practices, since we seem to carry atleast one player on an overseas tour who never plays it would be good to keep one slot for the multidue. Have a lottery which picks up one person to accompany the team. You really don't need any cricketing skills to carry drinks.

The funny side of cricket:
Polu: Keep it up.. Its funny

The funny side of cricket:
anand k: couple of good ashes jokes prem guesss some of them could apply to india as well

- what is the function of the England coach ? To transport the players to and from the hotel

- what would glen mcgrath be if he was English ? An allrounder

- my favorite ..what do u consider the height of optimism? an english batsman putting on sun-cream

The funny side of cricket:
Anand K: Another Brian Johnston one

I call my dog Trueman because he has four short legs and his balls swing both ways

Trevor Bailey welcoming listeners in New Zealand with "bad news for papa crow(e) and mama crow(e) - the two crowes have had a duck!"

The funny side of cricket:
Pranshu Saxena: Hi, couple of cricket stories :

1. One of the sons of Mahatma, i think it was Devdas, who was reporter was in england in 1948 and wanted to watch Don Bradman play. He got tickets to headingly test but on arriving there was unable to find accomodation. He tried all inns , all fully booked. So finally, in desparation, he used his political connections and spent the night at the Jail, the warden being an old friend who had similarly entertained him and several of his friends after a party, we have come to know as "Salt Satyagraha".

2. Vijay Hazare was avid autograph collecter and managed to collect autographs of all visiting sides he played versus. In 1934, after managing to collect the autographs of 15 MCC team members properly ordered with numerals 1 to 15, all on same page, he also happened to meet Mahatma for the first time. He asked for Bapu 's autograph, who looked at his diary, impressed by people in there, signed and returned. Vijay could not locate mahatma 's autograph easily. He finally found it on page of MCC team members where #16 was one Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi.

3. Selectorial practises: Old timers might recall one S. Bannerjee who went on 1936 english tour without playing a test. rated a good bowler after Nissar and Amar singh onlyin his time, He was denied India honor time and again till 1946, semi retired and leading Bihar, the match was against strong Holkar contingent. Indian side to 1946 was not selected yet and air was heavy with expectation. After the match, some one brought a holy cow to ask a question. The question was who is going to england from both teams. The cow picked CS Nayudu, Mushtaq Ali, C Sarwate and rambled onto Bihar ranks and also nudged the embarrased Bannerjee. Believe it or not, 2 weeks later, all 4 players were selected for England 1946 tour.

4. Famous story, oft repeated , Len Hutton scored 364 and engalnd won the oval test vs Australia 1938. As Hutton and Leyland were waiting at a red light, a lady stepped up and congratulated him. She said " Well done Len, but could'nt you have scored 1 more for all days in a year". After she left, Hutton remarked " Maurice, Can you ever satisfy a woman, whatever you do ?".

5. cricket Fans : EH Hendren went on several ashes tours especially 1911-12 and 1926. An aussie gentleman met him in 1911 and took his autograph. in 1926, the self-same gentleman came upto him and said "I had the honor of meeting your father in 1911 and can you please sign next to your dad's"!.

6. One upon a time, there were two brothers. Both of them very good pace bowlers in youth. So they decided to apply to surrey groundstaff. They were told that there were openings for one pacer and one spinner. The brothers went to a corner, tossed a coin. The chap who won the toss went on to take 11 test wickets in his first 2 tests and 200 plus overall, Mr. Alec Bedser.

7. Close famous for his obstinate batting and courageous fielding, was fielding in a county match, in the evening of his career, a full blooded shot hit him on the forehead to be reflected and caught by the slip fielder. A young 'un asked " Captain, what would have happened if it had hit you in the middle of eyes". Pat came the reply " It would have been caught at the cover.".

8. Apart from patriotic prawns, another dinner story goes, Pakistan vs England 1982. Lord's test. Pakistan 428, england 227/9. day end. In evening, Lamb, Gower and Jackman(the not out bat) went to dinner and ordered duck. Next day, all three totalled exactly that "DUCK". destroyer being one Mudassar nazar.

Thanking You Pranshu B Saxena

The funny side of cricket:
Suhas Marathe: A good one for a change!

The funny side of cricket:
Sandeep Mathur: Want some more of this!!!!Its too good, now that you have made me laugh, I DEMAND MORE!!!!!!!!!!!

The funny side of cricket:
Sunil Sikka: "Cricket Tour to Pakistan: Sherborne is believed to be the first English school to tour Pakistan. The trip was a huge success both on and off the field. The team lost the first two club matches but won the remaining four games with excellent wins against Karachi Grammar School by 116 runs and Karachi Gymkhana Colts by 11 runs. Mark Shearer scored 115 not out against Karachi Grammar School, James Adams scored 307 runs, Peter Harris and Duncan Reece-Smith were the most successful bowlers. "Footnote. Patrick Gidney, fielding on the boundary, was joined by a young Pakistani boy, who engaged him in conversation. 'Are you a Muslim?' he asked Patrick. 'No, actually I'm a Christian.' 'Oh...' said the youngster. A little later, the boy returned with some friends and started stoning Patrick!" (Sherborne School Review, Spring 1999. Spotter "Old Boy")

The funny side of cricket:

The funny side of cricket:
Raghuvir: I can only take credit for cut & paste of this wonderful piece I received sometime back from my cousin in US. Read on... Bomber Wells, a spin bowler and great character, played for Glocuestershire and Nottinghamshire. He used to bat at No.11 since one couldn’t bat any lower. Of him, they used to paraphrase Compton’s famous words describing an equally inept runner; “When he shouts ‘YES for a run, it is merely the basis for further negotiations!

Incidentally, Compton was no better. John Warr said, of Compton “ He was the only person who would call you for a run and wish you luck at the same time.

Anyway, when Wells played for Gloucs, he had an equally horrendous runner as the No.10. During a county match, horror of horrors..both got injured.

Both opted for runners when it was their turn to bat. Bomber played a ball on the off, called for a run, forgot he had a runner and ran himself. Ditto at the other end. In the melee, someone decided that a second run was on. Now we had all four running. Due to the confusion and constant shouts of “YES” “NO”, eventually, all of them ran to the same end.

Note - at this point in time, the entire ground is rolling on the floor laughing their behinds out. One of the fielders - brave lad - stops laughing for a minute, picks the ball and throws down the wicket at the other end. Umpire Alec Skelding looks very seriously at the four and calmly informs them "One of you buggers is out. I don’t know which. You decide and inform the bloody >scorers!" (This incident was described in “From the Pavilion End” - an autobiography by Harold “Dickie” Bird)

The funny side of cricket:
Tanuj rastogi: I would like to Share a story (which I am not sure is true or not but have heard it many times). It was India Playing against west Indies at West Indies and Sir Viv Richards was at the Crease. After hitting an Indian Bowler for a huge six Viv Richards told his Partner that the ball had hit the edge of the Bat. Well the fact was that the ball was already out of the Ground. God knows what would have happened if it would have hit the middle of the bat.

Hey, guys, thanks for the input, it really was fun. I'll try and come up with a sequel to that piece, in the coming days. Meanwhile, you kep them coming -- use the form below, to submit your favourite cricket jokes. And here's to laughter unlimited.

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