Deepika Kumari is torn between two worlds. One where the doting mother longs to be with her 19-month-old daughter Vedika, and another where the ace Indian archer craves for an elusive Olympic medal.
But the resilience she showed in fusing those two different spaces in her life has taken Deepika to the Paris Games, the fourth showpiece in her career.
Deepika's determination to achieve glory in the ultimate sporting event in the world was evident when she stayed away from her daughter for two months to finetune her preparation.
"It's difficult to explain the pain of being away from my daughter. But it's also about achieving what we have worked for over so many years," Deepika told PTI.
Finally, Atanu Das, her husband and himself an international archer, took Vedika to the Army Sports Institute in Pune just before Deepika departed to Paris.
It was an achingly emotional moment for Deepika.
"I miss her a lot, but that's how it is. Thankfully, she has been really supportive and has adapted well with my in-laws and Atanu," added Deepika.
But Deepika's turmoil had started immediately after giving birth to her daughter in December 2022.
She developed muscle stiffness and lifting the 19-kg bow was next to impossible.
"We had planned for the delivery in such a way that we would be able to compete in Paris. But it was like starting from zero after the delivery.
"Forget about shooting or lifting the bow, she was not able to do even simple daily chores," Atanu recalled.
"Gradually, she started jogging and put in a lot of hard work at the gym to get going again."
Deepika even thought that her career has come to a close.
"Career lagta hai khatam ho gaya, kya main aur shooting nahin kar paoongi? (Is my career over... Will I be able to shoot again?" she would ask Das.
But then came the flicker of hope.
Deepika dominated the National Games in Goa last year, returning with two gold and one silver.
It led her to the big decision of training under the legendary Korean coach Kim Hyung-Tak, the first full time coach under whom the archery heavyweights made their debut at Los Angeles in 1984.
"It was not just about the skill aspect but his guidance also plays a part in bringing clarity to shooting. It really set me off," said Deepika, who won a silver at the Shanghai World Cup, her first podium finish in two years.
Subsequently, the 30-year-old excelled in the three-month long selection trials, even though her husband-cum-mentor Atanu failed to make the cut.
Despite her phenomenal feats in other world meets, Deepika is yet to bag that coveted medal with five rings on it.
She came close to it in Tokyo but lost to eventual gold winner An San in the quarter-finals.
But this time the Indian will have a 21-year-old South Korean Lim Si-hyeon to tame in Paris.
Lim has defeated Deepika twice this year – at Shanghai and then at the Yecheon World Cup but the Indian is not worried.
"I cannot change the past. I'm fully prepared and happy with the way I'm shooting. We will see what happens on the match day if at all we have a match-up," she added.
Paris has been a happy-hunting ground for Deepika where she won a hattrick of gold medals in the 2021 World Cup -- individual, team and mixed team along with Atanu.
She had also clinched a World Cup Final silver in 2013 and a World Cup silver last year in the French capital.
But she wanted to treat the Olympics as any other top-level competition.
"I don't understand why there is so much hype surrounding the Olympics in our country. Everyone looks up to archery once the Olympics nears and it creates unnecessary pressure.
"We have to take it like any other competition. The pressure (on the Indians) is more mental," she said.
Deepika wanted to remain under the radar.
"I don't want any attention. We have done well consistently to be able to make it here. We just have to get a good rank in the qualification to get a favourable draw."
The individual rankings determine the mixed team and on current form, Deepika and Dhiraj Bommadevara could be shooting together.
Dhiraj has been in phenomenal form winning 10 international medals in the last 12 months including a team gold beating Korea.
He also won an individual bronze at Antalya World Cup stunning Tokyo silver medallist Mauro Nespoli.
"He is young and uber cool and an individual medal prospect. He doesn't falter in big moments," said India's high-performance director Sanjeeva Singh.
So, will Dhiraj take some pressure off Deepika?
"If they top the qualifiers, they will be India's best recurve mixed team combination," he said.
Deepika remembers the controversy in Tokyo when she had to unwillingly partner Pravin Jadhav in the mixed team event as the latter had qualified ahead of Atanu.
The national federation could have changed the combination but they went by the rule and the team exited in the last eight.
"I don't want to talk about what happened. Dhiraj has been shooting well and we hope for the best," Deepika added.
Will she miss the presence of Atanu in Paris?
"He has a greater responsibility -- to take care of Vedika," she smiled clutching an empty bag, a gift from her husband.
"I've told her she must win the medal and bring it back in this bag," Das said.
Perhaps, she can cram in it an Olympic medal and some baby clothes and toys.
