When I look back, I see that nothing comes on a platter. Life is not a bed of roses. I have seen his eyes moist when his shooting didn't go well. It has been a hard life indeed. There were critics, there were bad times, there was a time when the federation pulled him down. I always told Abhinav, "I believe in you."
The worst time in his career was when he missed a medal in Athens. A medal was within his reach, but he could not get it. He could have won a bronze. When he emerged from the shooting range we discovered he had lost his rhythm. Once you lose your rhythm, the shots misfire. I asked him what went wrong. He said, "Mamma, there was nothing better that I can do. For me every shot was ten plus. I don't know what went wrong." A day after his competition, the women's competition was held in the same area. An Italian coach then discovered that the floor beneath Abhinav's feet had been wobbly.
'I could have won a gold medal'
Abhinav never complained about it. He never gives excuses, and he never complains. It was a time of heartbreak for him, it was depressing. Sometimes he would say, "I can't sleep at night." He used to wake up at night and say, "Somehow I feel that medal was mine." My heart would sink. I used to tell him, "No, Abhinav, it is time for you to win gold."
When he was sad he made beautiful sketches of Lord Buddha. He paints when he is frustrated with shooting. We ensured he did not get too frustrated because that would have destroyed his personality.
Two years ago when he was upset, I told him, "You can call it off anytime you want. There is no pressure on you. It is entirely up to you. I did not want to see you unhappy." "It is okay," he said, "I know I can't live without shooting."
He was unhappy when he had a back problem and could not perform well. He had a muscular problem because he started shooting when he was very young. We now know what the problem was; we had to undo what he did initially. He started out with an incorrect posture which gave him back pain.
In 2001, on the day Abhinav received the Arjuna Award, his grandfather was on his death bed. It was a tough decision for Abhinav to leave his grandfather's bedside. He was so attached to his grandfather that he was reluctant to go to Rashtrapati Bhavan. His grandmother Kartar Kaur used to say, 'Abhinav's strings are attached to my heart.'
Image: Abhinav, flanked by his parents Dr A S Bindra and Babli Bindra, soon after his arrival in New Delhi, August 14, 2008, after winning India's first-ever individual Olympic gold medal. Photograph: Manpreet Romana/AFP/Getty Images
Also read: 'I feel something is missing in my life if I do not run'
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