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The Rediff Interview / Mohammed Azharuddin

'I guess matchfixers would be scared to approach me, given the way I am known to react'

Mohammed Azharuddin is not exactly a favourite of the media, despite a brilliant track record on the field. He has played the highest number of one-day matches, held a record number of catches, scored the highest runs, and won the maximum matches for India. Yet, he feels, the media has been less than fair to him. What is worse, he was dropped from the team that played the Independence Cup in India. To prove his point, he sprang back and won the very Cup again for India in Bangladesh, Sri Lanka and Pakistan. As captain. Captain Courageous. Pritish Nandy spoke to him.

Do you enjoy captaining India or would you have preferred remaining what you were, a stylish, run-getting batsman with not a care in the world?

I enjoy being captain. I know it's a big responsibility. To look after ten other players as well and make sure that the team gets the best out of them. I enjoy the idea of competing. It is an incentive. An incentive to win.

But doesn't it sometimes weigh you down as a player? Don't you feel: Dammit, I wish I didn't have to worry so much about the team and could focus on my own game! To make sure that you leave your enduring impact on cricket?

It's always good to be under pressure. That's when you perform the best. At least I do. It's in my nature. For others it may be different because such things vary from people to people. When I am on the field, I am like any other team member. I do not see myself as different. Ofcourse, it is there, at the back of my mind, that I am the captain of the side but my focus is always on the game. The idea invariably is to win the match for India.

But as a captain you keep making choices. Often these choices work. But sometimes they fail. When that happens, does it not impact your own game? Don't you say: O shit, I cocked that up?

Not really. The skill lies in realising your mistakes in time, correcting them. That's how you learn. There are times when people question your decisions, when they wonder why you did this or that. They even attribute motives to you. But I have learnt to ignore all this and carry on with my game. When you are on the field you know exactly what is happening out there. You are in charge. You have to make the right choices. No one can decide for you.

There was this editor who wrote I should have been retained in the Independence Cup team as the twelfth man, to carry the drinks on the field. Another guy said that my game shows that there's a very thin line between genius and lunacy. Yet another wrote, when I scored a century, that I was batting as if I desperately wanted to throw my wicket away! The media is sometimes very peculiar but, luckily, I do not worry much about all this. My grandfather, a mathematician, taught me that as long as I do my best, I can sleep well at night.

But you do sometimes recognise the fact that you may have made a mistake?

Of course I do. When I watch my play later, on rewind (my father tapes all my matches) I always look out for my mistakes. May be I should have played this stroke this way instead of that. May be I should have changed the fielding position out there. May be I should have changed the bowler. These are natural regrets. But they do not stress me. They help me to improve my performance the next time.

There's a lot of talk about why I did not put Robin Singh out to bowl. But I am there out on the field. I know what's best for the team and I take my decisions accordingly. At times they work. Sometimes they don't.

My experience is that when you take a chance, Pritish, luck always favours you. The press has its own point of view. But I know why I didn't bowl Robin and Saurav. My point is simple: When you win a match or a tournament, forget why the captain took certain decisions. Celebrate the victory. Do not try to analyse every decision. You can never understand my reasons, my compulsions on the field.

Is there one decision you took as captain that you are truly proud of?

When I made Sachin bowl in the Hero Cup semi-finals in 1993. There was this one over left to play and South Africa had only six runs to get. I could have put on any of the conventional bowlers and given away the match. But I took the risk and brought on Sachin. We won the game! It was a risk worth taking and it paid off.

And what would you describe as your stupidest decision?

Many. But the one I rue the most is the decision I took to field first when we played the semi-finals of the World Cup in 1996 against Sri Lanka. We lost the game because the wicket started turning. But, to be honest, I have no regrets. I made a choice. It turned out to be wrong. Most times I involve others in my decision making. But, from outside, you will never realise that. You will think the decision was only mine.

After all, it is a captain's job to take the responsibility for every move on the field, good or bad. But one thing I always do: I listen to everyone. For example, if I am at gully, a mid-off fielder can tell me what the bowler wants. We always listen to each other, talk to each other on the field.

What do you think is our weakness as a team?

Our batting is excellent. Bowling is fine. Our fielding is unpredictable. Sometimes it is good, very good. The next day, it is down there. This is what we need to set right.

What about consistency in performance?

This year we have done consistently well. But we are playing so many games that we are bound to lose a few. You may be the best team in the world but you can't win all the tournaments. That's what the media does not understand. But I don't think we need to worry about consistency. We are a good team, a strong team. Maybe we need to play fewer games. Otherwise, the boys will wear out too fast.

Are you satisfied with your own game?

Yeah, I am. I also know that there's scope for improvement. No one's perfect. We all keep learning all the time. In fact, I know exactly where I can improve my game.

Where?

My game is sometimes unpredictable. That's the nature of my game. If I lose my grip on my bat, I struggle. Sometimes, unknowingly, I hold the bat in a way that's not natural to me. I realise it too late. I may have got 40 or 50 runs and then I suddenly realise that I am not exactly comfortable with the way I am holding the bat. It is then very difficult to come out of that grip. I cannot score fast enough. I cannot escape that grip and yet I am very uncomfortable. In fact, once I realise that, my discomfort level starts rising.

But, if you ask me, every player has got his own weakness against a moving ball.

What do you find yourself most comfortable playing? Pace or spin?

Both. I have scored comfortable hundreds off both kinds of bowlers. Once I am set I can tackle anything. I am not like those who can play only one kind of bowling. I am comfortable against anything.

A googly? Have you ever been approached by a match fixer?

No. I guess they would be scared to approach me, given the way I am known to react.

Do you think some matches are actually fixed?

Honestly, I have no experience of this. I find it difficult to believe that, given the enormous pressure we play under, someone would have the nerves to actually give away a game. We are playing for the country out there. Thousands of people are watching us on the field. Millions are watching us on the television screen. It is not easy to do anything wrong. But nowadays it has become such a fashion to talk about match fixing. Particularly when someone loses. I think it is very stupid. It puts too much pressure on the players out there on the field.

But the Pakistani media is full of stories and allegations about match fixing?

I think they must also do what the Indian Board did. Get it investigated seriously and then put it behind them. It helps no one, these ugly rumours. They are not good for the game and, what is worse, they are giving everyone a bad name. It is going on for the last four or five years. There's no proof but the rumours go on and on.

But everyone in Pakistan is trading charges. They claim they have proof.

I have no idea. It's such a big honour playing for your country. Who will take such a stupid risk? Everyone is looking upto you. How can you afford to take such a risk? What people do not realise is that this is a game where one team will always lose and one will always win. By bringing in such extraneous allegations, you are making it very difficult for the players who are already under great pressure to perform. You are putting them under further stress. After all, there are bound to be more failures than successes. Particularly when you play so many matches. But to attribute motives behind such failures is unfair.

How do you cope with stress? How did you cope when you were dropped from the team for the Independence Cup in India?

I felt very sad, very disappointed. But I did not say anything. It was sweet revenge when I led the team to victory in Bangladesh, Sri Lanka, Pakistan. But, yes, I felt very bad being dropped in my own country. But that is destiny. What can you do? What can you do when people call you names, attack you? You cope. That's what I did. I had, frankly, no choice.

When Desmond Haynes got the highest number of runs in one-day cricket, the whole world jumped up and applauded him. He was a hero! The media went to town on him. Yet when I broke his record and notched up the highest number of runs in one day cricket, the Indian media virtually ignored me. What can one do?

Were you stressed out when you went to sleep on 98? When you had to wait till the next morning to complete your third century in a row?

Truthfully, no. I knew I was in perfect form. The only time I was stressed out when I missed my 200. When I went out at 199. I couldn't sleep at all. It kept coming back to me all through the night. The fact that I could have scored 200…

You know people forget your hundreds very easily. But they never forget your zeroes.

Why? Why is public memory so cruel?

I don't know. All I know is that's the way it is. No one forgives you your mistakes, your failures, your zeroes. But they are quite happy to forget your hundreds. People come to me and say: What happened? Why did you bat so poorly today? They never remember that I won the match for my country yesterday. The pressure is too much. It is not possible to continuously outperform yourself. People seem to ignore this simple fact. Nobody can. You have to lose at times. It is the law of averages.

Sometimes you make mistakes. Sometimes the other side plays better than you. Sometimes it is simply a question of luck. All you can do is work hard, very very hard and try to make your own destiny. It's not easy. But as long as you are doing your best, you can sleep in peace.

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