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E-mail from readers the world over
Date: Tue, 9 Dec 1997 22:42:41 EST
I really liked this article by Farzana. There is a penetrating message in this article which should not just be confined to the internet. It should actually reach out to the masses.
Thanks
Date: Tue, 09 Dec 1997 19:29:48 -0400
The article is witty, no doubt, but I must disagree with some of Ferzana's points. 1) Not talking to each other, even if asking *stupid* questions or discussing inanities, is the only thing which leads to breakdown of marriages in the first place. In no way, is this remark justified, that talking to each other, in a coffee shop or wherever, is stupid. 2) Don't just blame the boys' family when they accept gifts. I personally know of instances where the girls' family treat giving gifts to the boys' family as a prestige issue. 3) What do you claim as your own, if not your own tradition? Ask the Western people who have no tradition of an arranged marriage. Granted there are evils, but this is still, in my opinion, the one form of marriage which has endured and proved its worth. 4) All our elders have gone thru almost the same problems as we are ever likely to face in our married lives. Why should the young people not benefit from their experience? Those who ignore history are condemned to repeat it. 5) Granted that the parents should not poke their noses unnecessarily, but, it is also true that we as their children have some responsibilty towards them. Let us not forget that. I agree with all other points though. They are well-put and witty.
Regards,
Date: Tue, 09 Dec 1997 10:20:48 -0500
The article by Farzana Versey was a pleasure to read. I do hope more youth are thinking this way. She has summed up so well the ridiculousness of ritual and the requirement for a mature approach. Nandini
Date: Tue, 09 Dec 1997 09:51:38 -0400
"Not how many grandchildren they can shower on the family, but WHETHER THEY ARE SEXUALLY COMFORTABLE with each other." Do you mean to suggest that one couplates (how else does one find out if they are SEXUALLY COMFORTABLE WITH THE OTHER) with every male/female before deciding whom to marry. I am sure many would like the idea, but isn't there some thing called as immoral. Marriage is all about compromise and adjustment. If you cannot adjust or compromise with one you cannot with almost anybody. Yes there are exceptions but very few by and large with whom you cannot live. If you say there is one and only one with whom you are compatible and are not with the majority I would like to say that you are not fit to live in the society. Think over it.
Date: Tue, 09 Dec 1997 08:35:25 -0500
Hi Ms. Versey,
Date: Wed, 10 Dec 1997 12:54:15 -0500
very very good article, keep it up
Date: Wed, 10 Dec 1997 13:25:58 -0500
Dear Editor, I agree with most observations made by Jewella. Women all over the world have to rethink on priorities. The break up of the joint family has given rise to so many evils in societies and children seem to be the worst hit!! I do not fully agree with Jewella's observation on Louisa Woodworth. I have been following the case very eagerly and am inclined to agree with the learned Judge's verdict. She does not seem to have assaulted the baby and all the evidence pointed to an earlier injury!! We should not unnecessarily spread bad rumour about an young girl!! It is not uncommon for prosecution all over the world to frame a person, even without adequate evidence just to prove their point and to make sure they have found 'the murderer'!! why should we eat the clay balls if the person is really innocent?? We should not resort to exciting journalism!! We should be responsible enough not to create panick in the mind of the readers by sensationalism!! How come stories of good people hardly figures in newspapers these days? Is this species of good people extinct? A reader
Date: Wed, 10 Dec 1997 16:11:40 -0600 (CST)
This article speaks of a problem that everyone is aware of. What would be more appreciated is a solution. As the article provides none, reading it was just a waste of time. - Anand Bernard
Date: Thu, 11 Dec 1997 09:01:03 +0800
Hi, I happen to be an avid reader of your articles, in fact your web site is among the first sites I visit every morning. Today I happened to read the article "No Kidding" and as always it definitely was 'interesting' reading. I am sure that all the nanny cases quoted in the article are genuine, but wouldn't even you guys agree that every case has a different perspective or rather another side to it. My mother herself has been running a Creche in Pune (Vishakha Apts/1, Asha Nagar, Pune 411053) for the past 15 years, and I was very much involved in participating in what has developed, now, into a kind of social service for working couples in Pune. I just hope that a site like yours, which boasts of 16 M hits or whatever, keeps up with acceptable standards of investigative reporting. ========================================== Jaydeep Karandikar
=======================================
Date: Thu, 11 Dec 97 14:09:31 SIN
Shobha, Few clarification based on what was discussed on television about this case in past few months :
1. She (Louise Woodward ) is (or was?) not the nanny but Au Pair.
So when you discuss Nannies , I dont think that you should compare those with Louise Woodward. Regards, Ashwin ---------------------------------------------------------- Ashwin Bosamia
---------------------------------------------------------
Date: Tue, 09 Dec 1997 21:25:53 +1000
I beg to disagree with all points raised by Farzana. Although all the unwanted pomp and expenses can be done away with in arranged marriages, arranged marriages are the only way out in a world of relationships torn by divorce. It is okay for a boy and girl to say that they are grown up and can decide on everything including the way they get married but nothing can substitute parents and elders' experiences. It is only when elders make mistakes and bring up and excuse of tradition for these do the children have a right to object. India has a lesson to the world to teach about arranged marriages. In the meantime, let us not ourselves think it is unfashionable! Narain
Date: Tue, 09 Dec 1997 00:07:42 +0000
An excellent article. Anand Jain@notes.seagate.com
Date: Mon, 8 Dec 1997 15:01:05 -0500 (EST)
I dont know why but somehow I got somewhat offended by the article
because for one it just shows the darker side of the arranged marriage
(For the records sake mine was not a so called arranged marriage)
What the article does'nt tell is that our's (indian) marriages are the one
that work and not the Amarican ones ( The writer has describled exactly the
qualities and ways amaricans go bout the business of marriage).
Date: Mon, 08 Dec 1997 21:37:35 +0530
Excellent piece of writing.
Date: Tue, 09 Dec 1997 11:37:07 -0600
Totally senseless item to be carried by your magazine. The author apparently does not have any sense of history, probably has no knowledge of marriage as an institution in other parts of the world, and least of all has no idea about human psychology. Perhaps, the author has to do a lot more reading before he can grow up.
Sanjay Gattani
Date: Mon, 08 Dec 1997 15:54:47 -0600
The "Wedding Blues" column by Farzana Versey is really good. I've always liked most of her articles. Whatever she has said in the article is very practical and logical. And I guess that's what we need to be (to a large extent) in today's world. It would be great if you guys at Rediff could come up with many more such articles, the advantage being that since you are on the Net you definitely have a wide readership. More than the young generation, it is important for parents to read such articles. She is right, maybe they do need to give up certain responsibilites, which, most of the times, they have to take up simply due to traditions. I'm sure there are many parents who wouldn't want to follow the traditional path, but rather allow their offsprings to choose their own spouses, but the so-called "society" doesn't permit them to. Let the good stuff keep rolling. Nadeem Chini
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