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NRIs, don't worry, your parents are fine...

Manjiri Kalghatgi in Pune

This is the social face of brain drain.

Ask any Indian from a middle or upper middle class family about relatives living abroad and expect a positive answer. There are no statistics, but each one will have a sibling, cousin or at least a second cousin who is a non-resident Indian. That also means that each one knows at least a couple of middle-aged or older people who live in India while their children are away.

Pune, with its label of an upwardly mobile metro-to-be, has found the answer: an association for the parents of NRIs. The association also has branches in Bombay, New Delhi and Bangalore now.

Justice N L Abhyankar started it in 1994. It is interesting to note that 92-year-old Abhyankar does not have NRI children. A couple he knew lived by themselves in a huge bungalow while both their sons had settled abroad. When Abhyankar saw the problems that they faced, he mooted the idea of starting an association for such parents. Abhyankar is its honorary chairman.

Today the association boasts over 500 members in Pune alone, ranging from 55 to 90 years. Ninety per cent of the members' children are in the US and Canada. The rest are in Australia, Germany or the Middle East. Of these, there are 306 couples and the rest, single parents. There is an annual membership of Rs 300 for each family.

There are some sympathiser members (who do not have children living abroad but want to participate in the activities in any case). They are charged Rs 1,000 per year.

"Our children offer to fulfil all our materialistic needs," one member says, "And as we worry about them, they too are worried about us. All they ask is that we take care of ourselves and remain healthy."

When one of the members told his son about the association, he put up information on the Internet. Soon, 10 to 12 of the children became members as well. They are charged $ 100 per year.

Pune has been divided into 16 zones. Each zone has a leader who co-ordinates its activities. The association meets once a month, usually in a member's house.

"There were suggestions that the meeting take place in a public place. But any hall or restaurant, however convenient, lacks the warmth a home offers. So however small or out of the way a member's home may be, we are happy to be his guests for that evening," explains Kumar Kivalkar, an association official.

For these are people who come from radically different backgrounds. There are affluent businessmen and executives, who have sent their children abroad for "exposure", rubbing shoulders with lower middle class families who have spent their life's savings in fulfilling the dream of a son or daughter studying abroad. They may have led diverse professional and social lives so far, but the fact that their children are so far away, works as a leveller.

"In fact we have become such good friends now that some of the women come over a little early to help with the preparations for the get-together" says Bhagyashree Kivalkar.

The association organises lectures on a variety of topics like cardiac problems. Once in two months, it conduct hobby classes. It undertakes projects to help the underprivileged too. For instance, it has a scheme through which one can sponsor a child's annual education by paying Rs 1,100 per year. The members also propagate the concept of eye donation.

A lot of members visit their children abroad. For some, it is the first time abroad. The association helps in getting them their passports and visas. And if members are with their children for months together, they need not worry about their property back home. They can appoint another member to safeguard it and even handle their financial affairs.

The association has prepared a list of names of the members' children and their addresses. This is to offer support to youngsters who may be visiting a foreign country for the first time. They also use this network to help with matrimonial inquiries. The association is currently collecting the email addresses of all its members.

The association has no employees. It is the enthusiasts, the office-bearers, who are busy dashing off letters and co-ordinating meetings. This however comes to a standstill when their children visit.

"Festivals mean nothing if your children are not around. When our son comes home, we celebrate Diwali. When he is in town, he does not want to go out or visit people. All he wants is home cooked food and to spend time with the family. We too don't want any other engagements to eat into our time with him," says Kiwalkar.

So whoever has children visiting is automatically relieved of his/her administrative work.

But the most valuable service undertaken by the association is of visiting parents who are unable to venture out of their homes. The active members make it a point to visit such members or, when that is not possible, of phoning them.

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