The Ten Worst Films Of John Abraham

There are natural born actors. And there's John Abraham.

In another one year, the dishy model-turned-Bollywood star will complete a decade in the film industry. But the man's yet to make jaws drop (without pulling down his yellow trunks in Dostana) or be taken seriously (without single-handedly lifting a bike in Force) as an actor.

Even though he's worked under the likes of Vishal Bhardwaj, Anurag Kashyap and Deepa Mehta, some of JA's performances fail to achieve what his sleek physique and disarming personality do. And so do a lot of his movies.

Here's a look at ten of the lousiest movies he's acted, um, starred, in.

Housefull 2

The newest offering from Sajid Khan's stable of vacant entertainment is expectedly making pots of money at the expense of its viewer and his/her poor nerves. 

Its excessive humour and congested frames overflowing with a motley crew of good and god-awful actors engaged in on-screen embarrassment would've ensured John's individual contribution goes unnoticed.

Hell no, he stands out, and how.

Exotic locations (Spiti) and soul stirring songs (Mann ki lagan) notwithstanding, Pooja Bhatt's directorial debut Paap is marred by a confused script and lackluster actors.

Even as the film fluctuates timidly between a woman's erotic aspirations conflicting with her spiritual conditioning, there's a thriller element brewing on the side.

Meanwhile, John takes off his shirt and flaunts his best-known asset.

Among its many attributes, choreographer-turned-director Ahmed Khan's forgettable take on brotherhood, gang rivalry and romance is detrimental on the eyes.

The film's fondness for garish, fluorescent colours in pre-Golmaal era is designed to hit hard for all the wrong reasons. 

Other than A R Rahman's laudable efforts, Lakeer with its flimsy direction, trite plot and a sleepy muscular quadruple of Sunny Deol, Suniel Shetty, Sohail Khan and John Abraham etches itself in boredom.

Remember the Mark Wahlberg-Reese Witherspoon thriller Fear?

Vikram Bhatt does.

He liked it enough to remake it as Aetbaar with JA and Bipasha Basu along with a sprinkling of Amitabh Bachchan to lend the enterprise some grit and credibility.

No such luck.

Instead this bad boy-obsessed-with-good girl tale is not so much about harassment and psychology as it is concerned with imposing the (comical) intensity of the Jism duo with their whispering tone and blank gaze.

Gun-toting hunks in swanky leather jackets and shiny aviators.

Skimpily-clad women strutting around artificially-generated wind. Boats/ bikes speeding through the canal/snow. Angry old men pretending to be dangerous by mouthing corny gems like, 'Dhande ka usool hai ki saap ke bachche ko paida hote hi kuchal dena chahiye.' (The principle of business says a snake's babies must be killed at birth)

And that, dear readers, pretty much sums up Vikram Bhatt's inexcusably bad Elaan.

If gloss was a substitute for greatness; Karan Johar's slickly-produced Kaal wouldn't be on this list.

Fortunately, we've got our priorities right when it comes to movies.

Despite an engaging man-versus-beast premise with a dash of supernatural, Soham's directorial debut starring John, Ajay Devgn, Vivek Oberoi, Lara Duta and Esha Deol suffers from a case of bungled opportunities, tepid acting and farcical screenplay reducing its potential to a nonsensical slasher flick.

Unless John Abraham uttering the F-word is directly proportional to a breakthrough performance, there's nothing memorable about his outing in Sanjay Gupta's blatantly plagiarised Zinda.

In this nearly scene-to-scene rip of South Korean filmmaker Park Chan-wook's acclaimed Oldboy, Gupta's only saving grace is Sanjay Dutt's spunky delivery.

Nevertheless, the imitation fails to recreate the masterful, disturbing conviction of its source and replaces it with a sensationalist effort to rattle and repel.

What's the point of a sports drama where you not rooting for anyone?

DDDG, set in England, tackles with racism against Asians against the backdrop of football.

But it's sluggish, poorly acted content and lazily written script is much too low on dynamism or drama to kick in.

The difference between a good filmmaker and great one is that the latter is unafraid to experiment.

The outcome, however, is not always on the feasible side.

Anurgag Kashyap's No Smoking in all its ambiguous, bewildering, indulgent skin was collectively thumbed down for leading the viewer into a mindless, purposeless oblivion.

While a small cult may find it reverence worthy, No Smoking is essentially balderdash.

In Rohit Dhawan's debut comedy, John Abraham and Akshay Kumar take a post as male strippers after losing their respective jobs to recession.

The absurdity of this one-line plot is justified relentlessly through its two hours running time.