Teacher's Day Special: What NOT to learn from these stars!

Quoting American author Henry Adams, 'A teacher affects eternity: he can never tell where his influence stops.'  Alas, half of Bollywood skipped school mid-way to pursue a career in make-believe to get that.

They may project a picture of idealism and perfection with utmost conviction but it doesn't always resonate with their true selves. And so the chivalrous and polite Jackie Shroff on screen is nothing like the expletive-hurling guy off it.

Wonder how their erstwhile teachers feel on seeing them behave so brashly in public? Here's a wicked thought. What if they got a chance to lecture these ex-students-turned-stars?

Let's find out. It IS Teacher's day, after all.

P:S: Want to be part of the fun? Hit the message board and educate a celebrity of your choice.

Don't knock down humans or animals!

First, here's a lollipop to Salman Khan for Being Human. It's a fine initiative. But how about imprinting that on your brain cells too? Like, for starters, don't knock down harmless humans or endangered animals.

Learn not to hog an entire interview with jokes that no one finds funny, slight your visibly tormented co-star and throw needless attitude on reporters.

Why so serious? Smile, dear Aamir, smile.

You don't have to clench your face like a fist to prove you are genuine. You don't have to arch those eyebrows to appear serious and accusing towards those who didn't wake up to watch Main Oprah Winfrey Banna Chahta Hoon.

Given your choice of scripts since the last few years, correction, forever, it's quite obvious Akshay Kumar has trouble reading.

Acknowledge this limitation. Hire a tutor. And only then sign another film that's free of couch-friendly tigers, tap-friendly tumors or pumpkin-shape aliens.

Try listening to this tape every night before you sleep, Sonam. It says: I'm an actress, not Barbie. Give me roles, not robes.

Lest we forget your true purpose for joining the industry, stop boring us with your commitment to fashion and dazzle with a performance worthy of that surname.

God had given everyone a gift. (Okay, so it was his day-off when you showed up.) Yours is to willingly drop clothes and upload it on Twitter.

You've already shown too much, too many times. The only thing remains to be exposed now is some talent. No Poonam Pandey, it doesn't have cleavage.

Tsk, tsk, SRK. How can the brightest boy in school brawl with colleagues and use bad words in a public place?

Even after Amitabh Bachchan gave you such a hard time over 'parampara, prathistha and anushasan,' you still don't get it, do you?

Twitter, Twitter on the net. Who needs to find a new outlet?

It's bad enough to sit through your movies; do you have to rant online as well, RGV? Stop demonstrating atheism in 140 characters and distributing free, obnoxious gyaan to the world. It's as incomprehensible as your creativity.

Someone had to break it to you, Ms Sherawat. This might be hard to take in but if you could handle '17 kisses and a crab on your breast' and all those hours of prosthetic snake skin for a flop film, you can survive this.

You are not a Hollywood star. You are not best friends with Jackie Chan, Tom Cruise or Antonio Banderas. And posing with celebrities, posting those pictures on twitter is not a career.

Main fuh ko fuh bolta hoon?

It's been three years since Kaminey and you're still fumbling with words. Look at your spellings, kid. Either buy a How to Read and Write for Dummies or turn on the autocorrect in your smart phone.