Kangna: I don't know if I deserve this stardom

'I don’t remember living on my own. There are people around me all the time that are doing various things for me.'

'I am self-independent person otherwise. While I was studying in New York, I was cooking for myself, doing my laundry, traveling by subways. I found it relaxing and really enjoyed staying alone.'

Kangna Ranaut shares her experiences.

Kangna Ranaut may the industry's latest fashionista but she wants to think of herself as a regular girl -- the kind that cooks, cleans and travels in public transport! 

In a candid conversation with Sonil Dedhia, Kangna tells us how she handles relationships, her stardom and being a Queen.

You went to New York to studying film making. How was the experience?

It was a unique experience to go back to a school.

I really enjoyed sitting in the classroom, attending lectures, doing homework. I never had any formal education in acting.

I do understand the techniques of filmmaking but I made an effort to understand it better. It was an intense course. We had classes for almost eight to ten hours.

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A lot of actors go abroad to enjoy the anonymity of their being. Was that one of the aspects that you fulfilled?

Oh yes, totally. The worst thing of being an actor is that you are constantly under the limelight. If you are walking on the road, people stare at you all the time.

There are times when I feel to be left alone. It was a refreshing change to be anonymous and be myself.

I was 17 when I started working. I have always been famous. I don’t remember living on my own.

There are people around me all the time that are doing various things for me.

I am self-independent person otherwise. While I was studying in New York, I was cooking for myself, doing my laundry, traveling by subways. I found it relaxing and really enjoyed staying alone.

But don’t you enjoy the stardom?

I have been a working-independent woman and it has helped me achieve a lot of things. I don’t know if I deserve this stardom. As a performer I don’t want to limit myself. I want to grow and learn as much as I can.

Has the course given you a boost to write a screenplay for a movie?

I don’t know if I want to write a script. I don’t look at movies the way I used to before doing the course. I have got a lot of clarity in terms of what I am doing. I would love to write and direct but I don’t know when will that happen.

There was news that you left the course mid-way. Is that true?

I left it mid-way because I had to promote my film Queen. I am going back in June to complete the course.

There are certain aspects of college, which are shown in your forthcoming film, Queen. How were you as a student?

I spent most of my school days studying because I was a medical student. I have completed my junior college in the science stream, studying to become a doctor. I was studious. I was always paranoid about my results (laughs). I would always compete to top the class.

So would you end up being the topper of the class?

There was a lot of competition. I would literally stay up all night to study for the exams. I would see my friends socialising and chilling in the canteen but I would either be home or in the library with my head in the books all the time.

You must have been amongst in the prettier lot of girls in your high school. How far did guys go to pursue you?

When you are in school you don’t consider at all these things. Our group was anti-boys.

There was a guy who I was constantly competing with. Although we didn’t have any soft corners for each other we would try to share information. There were times when he would end up lying.

I remember there were many instances where this guy would distract me from my studies.

I grew up in a small town of Dehradun and we would end up attending the same weddings. He would tell me that he would be attending the weeding and in the evening and when I would reach the venue he wouldn’t turn up. He would be home studying.

So I would run back to my house and start studying (laughs).

You’d said in an interview that you would be okay with your man sleeping with another woman so long as he is honest about it. So what’s your threshold point in a relationship?

It’s very easy to say these things when you really don’t have any someone in your life.

When I’d have someone in, I wouldn’t know how I would feel about my own statements.

Maybe I may feel really bad about him going with someone else, might not be able to sleep the whole night and eat hundred cup cakes and waking up with dark circles. What if he gets back at me saying, but you said your man can! (Laughs).

But as of now, I feel love should be like that however, it’s a very woman thing that when she is in love with a man she doesn’t want to be touched by any other woman.

I’d like to have a man who I don’t have to put restrictions on and can live his independent life and who doesn’t come back to me because of a certain commitment but because he wants to come back to me.

Do you see yourself setting down?

I don’t think settle down is a right word to use. I feel when we know our priorities and when we know what we want, along the way we find people with common grounds and then they accompany us but to expect somebody to stick around is a little bit too ambitious and it’s good that people always have common goals.

So what’s your goal right now?

My goal right now is to do acting. I’d also like to acquire more knowledge.

Before 30, I’d like to live in different countries and places and I’d like to live a gypsy life to get a sense and rhythm of life and sink in with that rhythm and understand life with my own perspective. Not to get caught up in my own little comfortable world of being a movie star and just to step out and be a part of the larger world.