10 Things to expect from a Sajid Khan film

Sajid Khan's movies are usually very successful. But are they good? 

While the jury's out on that question, take a look at these fun facts.

*If* more is always merrier, Humshakals starring three Saif Ali Khans, three Riteish Deshmukhs and three Ram Kapoors should be the very definition of fun.

And, once again *if* multiple varieties of overgrown men in skimpy spandex skirts and hideous wigs dashing into colourfully-clad doppelgangers on a beach is fun, Game of Thrones is a child-friendly sitcom.

Yep, ladies and gentlemen, funnyman-turned-filmmaker Sajid Khan has done it all over again.

He’s made yet another over-the-top comedy, which looks a) familiar because b) it’s ridiculous. What’s even more terrifying is how proudly its promos highlight this.

Whether this one will get the boot or be heartily lapped up by its target audience, God knows.

But what we can tell you here are the 10 things to expect from a Sajid Khan flick.

1. Idiocy

If there’s one thing that's consistent about Sajid Khan’s films, it’s how dumb they are.

In Heyy Babyy, three womanisers become fond of a baby girl after they’ve nearly killed her in a rainstorm. One of them promptly learns he’s the father of the kid and racks his memory to figure out who’s the mother, courts her again and gets rejected, only to be accepted back after baby’s first words turn out to be, ZOMG!, Dada.

In Housefull, a down-on-luck guy gets dumped by one woman, marries another, falls for a third and pretends to be the fourth’s husband. Say what!!!

In Himmatwala, a man and a tiger he previously punched in the jaw teach an arrogant village lord and his pigheaded daughter a lesson while finding enough time to shake a leg on the Taki Taki remix because, technically, it’s not personal vendetta.

In Hum... are you still with me?

What do YOU hate about Sajid Khan movies? Write in!

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Not sure how often Sajid travelled by train before he hit the big league, but the overpopulated nature of Mumbai and its crammed locals is replicated in every single frame of his movies which tend to burst with actors left, right and centre.

And if the cast wasn’t BIG enough, he wants to accommodate every single one of them on the poster or shoot an item song with twice the number of dancers and junior artists that you would see in most such songs.

Where’s there is a crowd, can cacophony be far behind?

Be it Himmatwala or Heyy Babyy, nobody converses in his films. People scream, squeal, shriek, sulk, sob or scratch their throats -- often all at once -- till the viewer collapses from the constant aural abuse.

As if his movies didn’t already resemble a zoo, Sajid Khan brings in animals (of the four-legged variety) as well.

He lifts a scene from The Hangover to create some chaos with a tiger in Lara Dutta’s living room in Housefull, while Riteish gets his butt bitten by Asin’s pet crocodile.

John Abraham scuffles with a snake in Housefull 2 and Ajay Devgn manhandles a tiger to assert himself as a himmatwala in, of course, Himmatwala.

What do Heyy Babyy, Housefull, Housefull 2, Himmatwala, Humshakals have in common?

Simple! All titles begin with the letter H.

So do Ho Gaya Kalyan and Holy Cow, Not Again!

While on the repeat factor, Riteish Deshmukh features in all these H-films -- Hey, horrible starts with H as well! Just saying :) -- helmed by Sajid Khan.

Yep, he's there even Himmatwala, where he has a cameo in which he says ‘Teri maa, meri maa’ during his death scene. (Apparently, it’s a serious sequence.)

In Humshakals, he’s back to his done-to-drag ways.

In this melee of angry fathers and dimwitted beaus, heroines are treated like superfluous, interchangeable commodities.

No wonder Sajid Khan seems to find maximum potential in their bare midriffs.

No wonder Bipasha Basu refuses to promote Humshakals.

Double-meaning innuendos? Check.

Gay jokes? Check.

Potty jokes? Check.

Ridiculing people on basis of ethnicity? Check.

Humour that makes any person with discerning taste cringe in disgust? Check. Check. Check.

It takes a special talent to write such terrible stuff. Here are some samples:

Heyy Babyy: Yeh lo khao aur apne bachcho ko bhi khilao taaki woh hari bhari potty karein.

Housefull: Sharam, laaj, gehna? In teeno mein se isne kuch nahi pehna.

Housefull 2: You have piles in your brains.

Himmatwala: Aaj ek maa ek bete ke pair chooyegi.

Humshakals: (Will it be?) Aap jaisa koi meri zindagi mein aaye to mere bacchon ka baap ban jaye. Or will there be something worse? 

We’ve yet to read a favourable review for his offerings. So far the rating card looks like this:

 Heyy Babbyy

'Heyy Babyy stretches a tired slapstick to unbearable proportions.' Read the full review here.

Housefull

'Housefull deserves pride of place right between Chandni Chowk To China and Kambakkht Ishq.' Read the full review here.

Housefull-2

'Housefull 2 is shamefully bad.' Read the full review here.

Himmatwala

'You’ll laugh at Himmatwala not with it.' Read the full review here.