Our columnist on ten entirely possible news items from the next 50 years
2005
Music genius A R Rahman, fondly called Bal Bhagwan ("Infant God") in Bollywood circles, stunned the music world today with his electrifying
concerto for the London Symphony Orchestra. Mr Rahman is soon expected
to be named conductor of the New York Philharmonic Orchestra, an honour
previously accorded to India's Zubin Mehta.
PTI adds from Mumbai: Renowned composer Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber has finished recording the song Chhaiyan Chhaiyan, III for Subhash Ghai's film, Natyagraha Ka Bhoot ("Phantom of the Opera").
2012
Washington during a presidential inauguration is a microcosm of America
itself. It's the consummate sample slice from our sea-to-shining-sea
pie. It's got it all: the good, the bad, the rich, the poor and... the
South Asians. Specifically, the Silicon Valley variety.
At the black tie Presidential Ball gala (a package at $ 3,000 per couple
that gave guests tickets to the ball, lodging, a reception and
commemorative gifts), the first gentleman to enter wore rubber
flip-flops. But that shouldn't have caused surprise. Especially since
the First Lady was dressed in her ethnic costume -- the saree. Yes,
India is here to stay.
2019
Subramanian Swamy, an aged resident of the Janata Ghar for the
Perceptually Challenged, has begun an agitation to topple the trustees
of the institution and expose their "sinister burrowing into the
government framework." Mr Swamy claims that the board is "in reality
only a political front of the RSS."
UNI adds from Chennai: J Jayalalitha has released a keep-fit video in which she herself stars. The former politician said she was
"encouraged" by her fans "to expand the boundaries" of her talent, as
well.
2021
The largest democracy in history -- India -- is counting the votes of
close on a billion of its citizens, more than the number of voters in
the US, Canada and Europe combined. In Amethi, Feroze Varun Gandhi of
the Bharatiya Janata Party, a liberal democratic body but with a strong
nationalist tone, is vying against cousin Rahul Gandhi of the Congress,
a secular party with a discernible European slant. However, there is no
polarisation among voters, as there no longer exists an alternative to,
what was once termed in that country as, "dynasty politics."
2025
The Congress Party has finally put a quarter-century of speculations to
rest by formally announcing its merger with the Bharatiya Janata Party.
BJP spokesman young Vyankatesh Naidu confirmed the news with: "We
did a lot of introspection. Since there are no ideological barriers to divide
us any more, it is in India's interest that we provide a united front
against the communal divisive leftist forces." Sources disclose that the
new alliance is likely to be called "Bharatiya Congress Sangh."
2027
It was a week that disrupted the history of Indian political journalism.
Former editors and former Rajya Sabha members Arun Shourie, Prabhu
Chawla (both nationalist) and M J Akbar (secular), individually, and
amidst great fanfare, released their self-authored cookbooks. Informed
sources revealed that this startling deviation from politics stems from
the veteran opinion-makers' inability to fathom the character of the
Bharatiya Congress Sangh.
PTI adds: Pritish Nandy and Vir Sanghvi have been elected to the BCS's parliamentary party.
2034
Prime Minister Feroze Varun Gandhi offered prayers at the Ram Lalla
Mandir during his official visit to Ayodhya. Earlier, a violent protest
demonstration led by Marxist groups marked his arrival at the
controversial site. The Opposition alleges that underneath the temple
lie the remains of an ancient Baptist Church.
2038
At a meeting of the Bharatiya Congress Sangh Central Committee, it was
resolved that Varsha Bhosle be rewarded for her years of service to the
nation. Ms Bhosle has been made lifetime chairperson of the Sonia Gandhi
Memorial Trust, lifetime member of the Sonia Gandhi National Centre for
Arts and Culture, and president of the Confederation of NGOs. It is
learnt that the ever-ardent Ms Bhosle accepted only after being offered
the yeomen services of BCS's Arun Jaitley and Jairam Ramesh. Since then,
she has discontinued her incendiary tabloid.
2040
Prime Minister N Chandrababu Naidu was sworn in by President R Pilot
today. This momentous event ends the post-Independence domination over
India of the Hindi-speaking belt. Prime Minister Naidu is well on his
way to fulfil his vow "to serve our state and, after that, to serve the
nation." Indians fully repose their faith in him -- the Bharat Desam
Party has won 498 seats. Mr Naidu told reporters, "My first priority is
to establish cyberlinks with Pakistan and solve the Kashmir problem.
Results may not be immediate, but it will happen."
2049
The turbulence in the subcontinent has ended; peace reigns between India
and Pakistan. The solution was so simple that the UN is debating on why
it had not been conceived earlier: By an Imperial Decree, Kaiser
Musharraf changed the name of his dominion to "The Islamic State of
Kashmir." The Kaiser and India's Minister for External Affairs,
cyberfriends since a decade, exchanged greetings and reminisced over
their respective fathers, the late Pervez Musharraf and the late
Chandrababu Naidu.
Illustrations: Dominic Xavier
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