L$p[Þs cË$

What makes him unusual
is the quality of despair.
- hu. A¡k. _pB`p¡g

^ud¡ flu Ap R>¡ëgy„e Ap„ky hlu S>i¡
cu_pi_y„ A¡L$p„s bk flu S>i¡
A[õsÐh A¡_y„ Ap¡Nmu Åi¡ Acphdp„
õdfZp¡ rh_p_u tS>v$Nu i¡Z¡ klu S>i¡?
- fpS>¡ÞÖ iy¼g

hu. A¡k. _pB`p¡g _pd_p d|m cpfsue g¡ML¡$ A¡L$ hpsp®k„N°l âNV$ L$ep£ R>¡. s¡dp„ A¡L$ hpsp®_p lufp¡_¡ b¡hap _uhX¡$gu ÷uA¡ s¡ lufp¡ dpV¡$ L$üy„, "lz„ s¡_¡ b¡hap \C. `Z lÆ ky^u A¡_p S>¡hp¡ dp_h d¢ Å¡ep¡ _\u. A¡_u O_Op¡f r_fpip, A¡_u lspip A_¡ A¡L$gsp_p¡ L$p¡C Å¡V$p¡ _\u. s¡_u Ap A_Þe _pku`pku s¡_¡ dlp_ b_ph¡ R>¡.' L„$C aqfepv$ L$ep® hNf sdpfu _pku`pku_¡ `Z sd¡ ky„v$f fus¡ `Qphp¡ Ðepf¡ cg¡ AMbpfdp„ sdpfp¡ ap¡V$p¡ _ R>`pe, `Z L¡$V$gpL$ L$v$fv$p_ gp¡L$p¡_p ùv$edp„ sdpfp âÐe¡_p R|>`p â¡d L¡$ klp_yc|rs_u R>bu R>`pC Åe R>¡.

Ad¡qfL$p_p âdyM`v$_u Ac|s`|h® Q|„V$Zu_p„ b¡ dsgbu `pÓp¡_p âdyM \hp_p„ lhprsep„_¡ lz„ R>¡ëgp OZp qv$hk\u `ÓL$pf sfuL¡$ r_lpmy„ Ry>„.

Adpfp cph_Nf õV¡$V$dp„ fpÅ_¡ "AY$pfi¢ `pv$f_p¡ ^Zu' L$l¡sp lsp. âdyM qbg rhrged S>¡afk_ [¼gÞV$__¡ lz„ Ap S>Ns_p AY$pfi¢ `pv$f_p¡ ^Zu L$lz„ Ry>„. âdyM sfuL¡$ Ag Np¡f Æs¡ L¡$ Äep¡S>® byi Sy>r_ef Æs¡ s¡ blz dlÒh_y„ _ lp¡C, ìlpBV$ lpDk_p rhfpV$ h¥chu h¡fp_dp„ \p¡X$p qv$hk A¡L$gp A¡L$gp Ap„V$p dpf_pfp, 20du ÅÞeyApfu 2001 ky^u_p A¡ ìlpBV$ lpDk_p cpX|$s_u A¡L$gsp d_¡ õ`i£ R>¡. dpfp L$rhrdÓ v¡$hvÑ¡ s¡ V$p„L$Z¡ d_¡ cs©®lqf_p¡ ïgp¡L$ L$üp¡ R>¡.

Apqv$Ðeõe NspNheu flfl: &
k„qnes¡ Æqhsd¹ ìep`pf¡ &
blz L$pe®cpfNyfycu: L$pgp¡ _ rhopes¡ &
×ô$hp S>ÞdS>ep rh`rÑ dfZd¹ Ópkî &
_p¡s `Ðes¡ &
`uÐhp dp¡ldeu âdpv$ dqv$fp DÞdys c|sd¹ S>Ns —&&

AY$pfi¢ `pv$f_p ^Zu_u 21du ÅÞeyApfu\u iu v$ip \i¡ ?cs©®lqf L$l¡ R>¡ L¡$ fp¡S> fp¡S> k|e®_p ENhp s\p Ap\dhp kp\¡ Apeyóe_p¡ ne \pe R>¡. S>¡dp„ A_¡L$ L$pep£_p¡ dp¡V$p¡ bp¡S> R>¡. Aphu q¾$ep L$fsp„ L$fsp„ kde ¼ep„ husu Nep¡ s¡ kdÅsy„ _\u. dp_hu_¡ S>Þd, Sy>hp_u, h©Ùphõ\p A_¡ rh`qÑAp¡ s¡dS> dfZ Å¡C_¡ Ópk `Z \sp¡ _\u. A¡ Å¡C_¡ \pe R>¡ L¡$ Ap dp¡ldeu Æh__p âdpv$_u dqv$fp `u_¡ kdN° k„kpf `pNg b_u Nep¡ R>¡.

tS>v$Nucf dp_hu L$pd\u R>V$L$hp A_¡ âdpv$ cp¡Nhhp ap„ap„ dpf¡ R>¡. âh©rÑ\u R|>V$hp dpN¡ R>¡. `R>u âdpv$_u dTp g¡hp_u R>¡ Ðepf¡ s¡ Ncfpe R>¡. âdyM [¼gÞV$_ kÑp hNf_p \i¡ s¡_u lz„ L$p¡C v$ep Mpsp¡ _\u. A¡L$ Þey[¼gef bV$_ v$bph¡ Ðep„ vy$íd_p¡_p¡ Ýh„k L$fu iL$_pfp¡ dpZk gNcN ApS>\u S> "_L$pdp¡' \C Nep¡ R>¡. ANf `p¡s¡ `p¡sp_¡ "_L$pdp¡' NZi¡. lÆ Ap dpZk L$X¡$^X¡$ R>¡, Æh„s R>¡. khpf¡ EW$u_¡ âdpv$ rkhpe s¡Z¡ L„$C L$fhp_y„ _l] fl¡. dpf¡ dpV¡$ s¡ _L$pdp¡ R>¡ Ðepf¡ h^y L$pd_p¡ R>¡. Å¡ s¡ hps s¡_¡ kdÅe sp¡.

s¡_u A¡L$gspdp„ s¡_u `yÓu_u s¡_¡ S>ê$f lsu. `Ð_u_u S>ê$f lsu. `Ð_u rlg¡fu A¡L$ _hu kÑp d¡mhhp_u lp¡X$dp„ R>¡. `rs_u S>¡ kÑp R|>V$u NC R>¡ s¡hu kÑp lp„kg L$fhp `Ð_u S> ApNm h^u flu R>¡. ApW$ ApW$ hfk ky^u S>¡_¡ kp\uv$pf sfuL¡$ fp¿ep s¡ D`âdyM Ag Np¡f¡ s¡d_u Q|„V$Zudp„ L$p¡C dv$v$ _ gu^u. Ahl¡g_p, D`¡np A_¡ AZdp_usp \hp_u ìe\p`|Z® gpNZu kp\¡ A¡ AY$pfi¢ `pv$f_p¡ ^Zu Æìep¡. Ap`Z¡ 18du L¡$ 19du L¡$ 20du kv$u_p qagk|ap¡_¡ epv$ L$fuA¡ R>uA¡. [¼gÞV$_ 21du kv$udp„ sd_¡ qagk|a b_ph¡ s¡hu r_fpipAp¡, b¡hapCAp¡ A_¡ Ahl¡g_p_¡ T¡g_pfp¡ Æhsp¡ÅNsp¡ qagk|a dp_h R>¡.

dlp_ kÑp_p A„s_u iê$Aps_¡ [¼gÞV$_ Å¡C füp R>¡. 20du ÅÞeyApfu, 2001_p fps_p bpf hpÁe¡ A_¡ 1 k¡L$ÞX¡$ s¡ S>Ns_p kp¥\u dlp_ kÑp^ui _l] fl¡. ApS>\u S> s¡ NC L$pg_p dp_h b_u Nep R>¡. s¡dZ¡ ÷u_p¡ `¡i_ d¡mìep¡ `Z â¡d d¡mìep¡? rh^hp dpsp A_¡ ApëL$p¡lp¡qgL$ A`fr`sp `pk¡ ER>fu_¡ Ap dpZk¡ _uQgpdp„ _uQgp õsf¡ Æh_ Å¡ey„. bQ`Z\u D`¡qns füp¡. Å¡_p\_ qaX$g¡ÞX$ _pd_p qagk|a `ÓL$pf¡ [¼gÞV$_ dpV¡$ kfk g¿ey„. [¼gÞV$__¡ i¡_u c|M lsu? dp¡q_L$p_u Sy>hp_u_u? _l]. He had a need for human contact, affection and adulation. A¡_¡ â¡d_u ky„hpm` A_¡ õ`i®_u S>ê$f lsu. A¡ d|ëehp_ QuÅ¡ _ dmu Ðepf¡ s¡ kÑp sfa hþep¡. A¡ kÑp dmu. A¡ kÑp NC. `Z dp_hu_p d_dp„\u iy„ S>sy„ _\u? Æh_dp„ S>¡ L$ped fl¡ R>¡ s¡ iy„ R>¡?

L$p¡C_p¡ A`pf â¡d. r_:õhp\® â¡d, k„`|Z® kd`®Z S>¡Z¡ A_ycìe„y lp¡e s¡ s¡_u kp\¡ fl¡ R>¡. `Z Äepf¡ õdfZ L$fhp S>¡V$gu Å¡ r_fpi `Z _ lp¡e, kpQu _pku`pku `Z _ lp¡e L¡$ kpQp v$v®$_p¡ ^½$p¡ L¡$ Acph `Z _ lp¡e Ðepf¡ tS>v$Nu L¡$V$gu vy$óL$f b_¡ R>¡ ?

AY$pfi¢ `pv$f_p ^Zu_p¡ A¡ `ÓL$pf Å¡_p\_¡ BÞV$fìey gu^¡gp¡. Ðepf¡ s¡dZ¡ qv$g_u hps L$l¡gu L¡$, "d¢ L$v$u ^__u gpgkp fpMu _\u. Not lusted for cash but I lusted for flesh.' [¼gÞV$_¡ \p¡X$p gpNZucf¡gp \C_¡ `ÓL$pf_¡ `|R¹>ey„ L¡$ sd_¡ lz„ "ãg¡i'_u dpfu gpgkp dpV¡$ L$lz„ Ry>„ Ðepf¡ dpfu c|M_¡ kdÅ¡ R>p¡_¡? `ÓL$pf¡ L$üy„, "lp, lz„ kdSy>„ Ry>„. L$l¡hp_u S>ê$f _\u. sd¡ gpNZu_p-Dódp_p c|¿ep lsp.'

S>¡_¡ âdyM`v$ _ dþey„ lp¡e, s„Óu`v$ _ dþey„ lp¡e, `¥kp _ dþep lp¡e `Z Å¡ gpNZuAp¡_u Dódp dmu lp¡e A_¡ `R>u s¡ T|„V$hpC NC lp¡e A_¡ A¡ gpNZuAp¡ kpQu lp¡e sp¡ s¡_p¡ despair, s¡_u lspip, s¡_u r_fpip A¡L$ S>åbf d|X$u R>¡. [¼gÞV$_ L$d_kub R>¡ L¡$ A¡hp kpQp â¡d_¡ Mp¡hp_u r_fpip `Z s¡_p _kubdp„ _\u. sdpfu `pk¡ R>¡ ?

Ap`_¡ Ap g¡M L$¡$hp¡ gpÁep¡?