Six ways to perk up your sex life

If you're going through a rough patch with your partner sexually, here's what you need to do.

Once couples stop having sex, the relationship can become subject to detachment, anger, and even worse, infidelity or divorce.

Kidspot.com, an Australian parenting and pregnancy guide, studied what makes Australian women happy and found that women rank their pets above sex as a source of happiness.

The site further suggests various ways which can help one recognise that they have fallen into a sex rut and get that loving feeling back.

The most common way of falling into the rut is when someone tries to fall pregnant -- suddenly random acts of passionate lovemaking turns into a chore. The best way to avoid this situation is not to put much pressure, as studies show that being relaxed and stress-free is a major factor in a woman's ability to conceive.

Secondly, the arrival of a new baby can also put a dampener on sex. To avoid this, the site advises the couple to take some baby time out. "Are there any friends, family members or a childminder who can care for the baby and give you a break?" asks Adelaide Aduboffour, author of Sex & Romance During Pregnancy and After Birth.

On top of the broken nights and multitude of new skills being learnt caring for a new baby, suddenly finding that you're looking after the house can easily put a woman off sex, too. To handle this, the best approach would be to appoint some tasks to your partner, so they know their role in the upkeep of the house and help share the load.

"Don't try to be superwoman by doing the entire housework and caring for the baby," Aduboffour said.

There are various reasons that don't let women feel sexy after birth.

"You may be worried that sex will be painful rather than pleasurable, especially if you've had a tear or stitches -- some women report perineal pain lasts six months or more," she added. "Some women have a poor body image after birth, don't feel sexually attractive and may lose interest in sex."

The best way to combat this is to talk to your doctor, who will look at whether a decreased sex drive might be caused by depression or low hormones -- then talk to your partner and let him know that you don't blame him and set up a united front.

Also, taking some time to nurture and revisit your old self will help you feel sexy again.

While it's important to spend time with your partner, it's also important to give each other space.

So while having kids means being together more than ever before, spending time apart helps you see each other as individuals, keeping the sexual fires burning. So get out more and make time for coffee dates with your friends or go to the movies.

When you become a parent, one of the biggest passion killers is routine. While it's great for a baby, who thrives on regular naps and mealtimes, it can mean monotony for a partnership. So re-jig your work/childcare schedules by going on a date without your children, having a monthly cinema hook-up, or a regular 'date night' at home.

Illustration: Uttam Ghosh