'She wants to sleep with me to boost her career'

Is your love life under pressure? Are you troubled by your relationship? Get Ahead's Love Guru hosted a chat with readers on June 9 to help them deal with love problems. For those of you who missed it, here's the transcript.

Love Guru says, Hi there, folks...welcome back to the Love Guru chat! Let's get started...

abc asked, My GF is always fighting with me for small small things, what to do reply me

Love Guru answers, She sounds quarrelsome by nature. Is she like that just with you or with everyone, ie family and friends too? If it's just you, there may some relationship issues that are leading to such behaviour and if it's a personality trait, it will take a conscious effort and a will to change before she can overcome it. But she should want to -- you need to have a chat with her and figure out exactly why this is happening. And don't tolerate too much, that will only encourage her to continue with the same behaviour pattern.

BINU asked, Hey Love guru , I love one girl , But that Girl is dating other guy currently , that guy is crook ( i know him very well , as he is cousin of my best friend ) ... now i want to tell this all that girl , i do not want her to get cheated by this crook guy .... what shd i do ?

Love Guru answers, He may be a crook, but that doesn't necessarily mean he's conning her, does it? He may really love her, whether or not his way of life is morally acceptable or not. I don't think you should tell her anything, frankly, because it's not your business to interfere in their relationship. In fact, it may only serve to anger her and she may cut you off completely. If you like her, try becoming good friends with her and then express your feelings instead of running her boyfriend down. Then it's up to her to decide and she can do so without the impression that you tried to malign her boyfriend in order to get together with her.

NK asked, I was looking for a suitable bride and met a girl .. i was too emotionally involved with her .. and now ...everything is lost ..we are not even talking to me ... this is taking a longer time for me to recover from shock

Love Guru answers, What went wrong, exactly? I need to know why you stopped talking to each other and ended things before I can shed light on this problem, because I don't really know what happened.

kijel asked, hello LG, how can i remove all doubts of my BF , he is very possessive that i find difficult handling him. can u hlep me pls.

Love Guru answers, That's a problem he should be tackling, not you. Make it clear that you are not an object that he owns and you have your own life. Also tell him that you have no desire to consider the future of your relationship if he's going to be stifling you with his possessiveness for the rest of your life. Explain that your love should be enough for him to trust you 100 percent and if you didn't love him, you would be dating someone else. You chose him, so why so much insecurity?

jack asked, I am in Love witha a Girl. We Studied together. Since 13 Years we departed and we met after a long time of 13 years. Now i am in love with her. Recently i found that she had an affair / friendship with another guy and she is very much possesive about her. after that i started hating her but still cant get off her from my mind.. Please suggest me

Love Guru answers, You're behaving like a child. You didn't meet her for 13 years and what, you expected she'd be waiting for you all that time? Of course she has her own life and if she's dating someone else, that's your bad luck! Why should you hate her for that? You need to get over this crazy obsession of yours and move on. Start dating other, more accessible women, that should get her off your mind!

Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.

Illustrations: Uttam Ghosh

Niks asked, HI love guru How are u?? I wanted to ask something personal..My gf is indicating me time-to-time that I should have sex wid her but she is not saying it directly..I dont want that if our relationship breaks in future she should say me that I Used her..Plz guide me wat should i do??

Love Guru answers, You need to sit your girlfriend down and talk about sex. Since she's hesitant about approaching the topic directly, she's probably expecting you to do so. Explain to her that you haven't had sex with her yet because you're afraid of hurting, because nobody knows what the future holds. You want to be sure that it's a step she wants to take also, so that if things ever go wrong, she doesn't feel like you took advantage of her. Also please be sure to mention that you love her and have no intention of breaking up now or in future, but that you just want to be cautious when it comes to her feelings.

L****Guru asked, LG, my ex girl friend got married long back and have 2 kids. I am too married and happily living with my family. She comes to my city every year during her kids holidays and wants to spend 'Time' with me. I am not mentally prepared for it.. and avaioding. But, she is doing emotional blackmail saying she is not happy with her husband.. and always thinks about me. I am confused. Please help me.

Love Guru answers, Next time you log into this room, ensure you have a decent log-in name or you will be barred from the chat! Coming to your question, what do you mean 'emotional blackmail'? It's not like you cheated on your wife with her, you dated her before you married! If she's unhappy with her husband that's her problem -- you're happy with your wife! Cut off all contact, end of story.

amits asked, Dear Sir, I have a family and kids. THe issue is one of my team member. Everyday she tries to rub her against me and I know she want physical with me since I can give her promotions and recognition in company. My friends who are senior level in other companies have these kind of relations with their team member. Sometime I get tempted also but till now I have a control since I have hears various stories like Phanish Murthy of Infosy, IMF chairman etc. Kindly advice....

Love Guru answers, She's coming on to you and you're enjoying it -- I don't have to tell you that you're married and it's wrong. And what kind of boss would you be if you promoted people who granted you sexual favours over those who genuinely deserve it? Also, have you realised that once you sleep with her, she can blackmail you not only when it comes to your family life, but also your career? You'll have no choice but to face disgrace or then let her call the shots! Keep your distance and don't give her a chance to get physically close to you. Also avoid meeting her alone for anything. Get a hold of your self-control or you'll pay for it -- dearly! A few thrills are not worth such a huge risk to your family life and professional reputation.

raju asked, dear sir, i got married 2 years ago, at very 1st night my wife told me that she had affair with 43 years old married man hence i want devorce from you. we separated from that day with social bad patch. meanwhile i got devorce from her now i married b4 one month after 2 years. now she make call me every time crying, n guilty after kiking her boyfriend. i am very happy with my present wife. plz tell me how shall i avoide her. i dont want her shadow on my present life

Love Guru answers, You never really had a marriage with her -- you separated the very first day! Explain to her that it's too late in the day, you've moved on, you've married again and while she made a mistake, she should move on too. She'll find someone else to make her happy. Explain that you have no intention of leaving your second wife because you're happy with her. After that, cut off all contact.

ramesh asked, my wife almost always hates to see my very own sister around. Don't Know when and how she developed this complex. I have tried in all ways to get them along but failed. Can u suggest a solution?

Love Guru answers, Why? Is it because your sister is interfering, or bosses over you? Or that she visits way too often and encroaches on your wife's personal space? Or is it simply that your wife is overpossessive or jealous of your sister? You need to tell me what the problem is before I can tackle it.

nitinkumgoyal asked, i like a girl for many years bt can not say her so. Though i m in regular touch with her and we char almost daily but i dont knw if she also have same feelings for me. How can i get to knw this. please guide me

Love Guru answers, If you've been good friends for years, there's no reason to wait any longer. Tell her how you feel.

aks asked, what is the chance of finding a life partner for a guy who is bald? most of the time, girls reject because of less hair. how to tackle this situation?

Love Guru answers, Many, but not all. Are you trying to tell me you've never seen a bald man who's in a relationship or married? I'll tell you how to tackle this situation -- with self-confidence! Let your personality make up for the missing hair!

sri asked, Hi , I am 31 years of age....my family is on a serious bridal hunt for me...Not very long ago , I happened to see a girl just a bit away from my neighbourhood and immediately hooked to her..I told my mom and they enquired about her only came to know that she is of some other caste and as usual they rejected my plea of marrying that girl...So what should I do now ? 1. Should I convince my parents so that I can marry her which is practically difficult... 2. Should I go for marrying some other girl whom my parents will arrange it via that formal bridal search ? Since the above mentioned girl is not that far away from my neighbourhood , I even have chances of meeting her occasionally and every time I bump into her accidentally , I say to myself "Oh , I have missed this beauty. " Tell me what should I do now ?...age(31) is ticking up as well....

Love Guru answers, Look, you're going purely by appearance. You don't know the first thing about this girl, it's just an attraction to a stranger. And practically speaking, I think undertaking to convince your parents and go to all sorts of trouble to marry her without knowing her at all is not the solution. Sure, if you want, get to know her first -- become friends (if she's willing -- if she's not, there goes your first impression!) and then take a call as to whether you really want to spend the rest of your life with her or not. And in the meantime, there's no harm in looking at prospective brides with your parents, is there? For all you know you may meet someone prettier and more appealing to you than her!

Arup asked, Dear Love guru, I'm in love with this girl whom i have met some 2 weeks back. When i talk with her (my first call in the day), she is completely loyal and dedicated to me. however at the same time she will avoid taking my second/third call and never answers by messages. I am completely confused by her behavior. When i ask her whether she likes somebody the answer is a NO. Can you pls. advise your opinion on this

Love Guru answers, It's a little too early to start flooding her with calls and SMSing constantly. It's only been two weeks! I know you're smitten, but take it slowly. Don't call every single day. When you do call, make a casual plan for coffee or something and invite other friends too if you think she's going to say no assuming it's a date. Spend a little time together, don't pry into her personal life by asking if she's single or in love and make the conversation uncomfortable. Slow and steady. Not over-eager -- that puts off most women!

PD asked, Hi LG, I have been dating this guy for 2 yrs and so now when i am asking him to marry me he says that his family wont agree because of caste issue.I had stopped talking to him but was not able to I was badly missing him as i am used to him..I am also afraid of being left all alone since iam already 27 if i dont get any one..I am completely broken down emotionally..please help what to do..as i cant live without him

Love Guru answers, You're not 'already' 27, you're ONLY 27! For God's sake, it's hardly an age to start contemplating the rest of your life alone because of one jerk! Look, he won't go against his parents -- too bad for the mamma's boy, he lost out on you, not the other way around! I understand you're hurting, but look at this objectively -- he doesn't deserve you! People end ten-year marriages and still find happiness in love, my dear. It's not too late at all. Do what it takes for you to get over him. Once you are, there's a whole world waiting for you -- not to mention plenty of better men who will treasure you as you ought to be treasured.

ruhi asked, Due to my family cicrumstances i had to take help 4m a married man who has been doing it for the past 7 years without asking anything in return , i want to give him phy satisfaction to do my part though he has not asked for any favours . how should i do.Im 24 yrs old and hes 33

Love Guru answers, He may be helping your family, but that doesn't mean you jump into bed with him! It's not even like he's hinted at it -- and he's married! Stop thinking of such silly things and start dating single men, all this nonsense about 'returning a favour' will drop out of your head. The truth of the matter is that you're attracted to him!

Sameer asked, Married for 7 years with a daughter.Wife not interested in sex.I love my wfie's sister and she loves me too.I want to marry her and my wife also knows about it.Please suggest a way that both the parties are happy and not aggrieved.

Love Guru answers, Your wife may not be interested in sex, but is she interested in you? Sex is not the be-all and end-all of a relationship. And you have a child -- what impression would you give her if you left her for her aunt? If your mind is made up to go ahead with this affair, you'll have to divorce your wife first, in order to marry her sister. But the technicalities are not the concern here, the effects of this relationship on your whole family and your wife's family are.

Amit asked, A girl(Best friend) who used to talk to me, now ignoring me from past 10 days because i told her I have a colleague(girl) who is close to me and i drop her to her home daily and. Pls suggest.

Love Guru answers, She's jealous. I'm guessing that if a best friend is so possessive, she's got feelings for you and doesn't want to share you with any other girl. Talk to this friend of yours and find out what's going on in her mind and whether she does have feelings for you. More importantly, do you have feelings for her? If not, you need to let her know that you value her friendship but are not in love with her and will be dating other women.

NK asked, Well .. We exactly met online ..We used to regularly call / video chat and mail etc .. for quite some time . Initially i was quite skeptic .. but gradually i started believing in her .. And One day we finally decided to meet at a common place .. we did spend 2 days togther .. it was a casual meet .. and even at last moment .. i asked her .. she is very much free to tell me if she does not want to take it forward .. I did one mistake .. that day .. whilst leaving her place .. i tried to call her say 5 -6 times .. she did not receive the call .. next day she sent me a email saying .. "why did u try to call me for 5 to 6 times in a day ? - its not normal ?" the next day she messages me that .. we cannot continue .. she does not even respond or talk to me now .. I feel I was deliberately been duped by that girl .. please ADVICE ..

Love Guru answers, Stupid move -- you freaked her out. E-mail her and apologise, say that you were just excited to have finally met her and got carried away, but that you don't want her thinking you're a psycho because you're not. Tell her you'd enjoy taking things further but that you'll understand if she doesn't want to. And after that, don't e-mail her again or call again unless she replies -- not a single time, no matter how much you want to! Give her a little time, if she was interested, she may test you for awhile and then reply. And if she doesn't, take it from me, she didn't want to take things further anyway.

suki asked, Hi I have a gf but she always demanding kisses and wants my affection in public places.I do not like this,I only like to show affection in private.We had a sex once at friends place.Now whenever she meets me she wants kisses.I cant do all this in public places.Can you guide me what to do?I have told her this 100 times but she doesnt understand

Love Guru answers, She likes being affectionate in public, you don't. While I do agree that there's no need to make out in public and make a spectacle of yourself, giving your girlfriend a quick kiss (maybe on the cheek, if you're so embarrassed) and holding her hand, or putting your arm around her shouldn't hurt. So try it. Be affectionate without being over-affectionate, know what I mean? And explain to her that you're not comfortable with any more of a display of affection in public than that. My guess is that such little gestures from you will keep her happy.

adit asked, Hi LG, i am 36 n my wife is 28. sometimes i used to talk ugly while having sex as i thought it can tempt more. nowadays even she has started talking ugly while having sex. Iam thinking if this will even change the mindset of my partner. or will the life be same??

Love Guru answers, Most men would love to have their wives talk dirty to them in bed! Unfortunately, most women are too inhibited to do it, so consider yourself lucky! And stop overthinking this -- what you do in the bedroom doesn't affect the mindset or other parts of your life together!

sathish asked, hi, i loved a girl for three years, we had a physical relationship too, after a while i was not attracted to her emotionally and i somehow wanted to get seperated from her but she started blackmailing me saying she will take the issue to the court since i took advantage of her. I don't understand now, did i do anything wrong? i like her once and i don't like her anymore, what's wrong with that? the physical relationship we had was consensual anyway.

Love Guru answers, No you didn't do anything wrong and she doesn't have a legal leg to stand on -- the sex was consensual. Explain to her that you're sorry things didn't work out and while you don't want to hurt her, you don't want to continue with the relationship and she can't force you to. If she threatens court, tell her to go ahead, because you've done nothing wrong. I have my doubts she'll go through with her threat, but if she does, consult a good lawyer.

quietguy asked, High LG, plz help me with my Q. I love a girl, she's a friend. We were in schoolmates but hardly spoke then. Since last 2-3 yrs, we are in touch and have been real good friends. We met 3-4 times and had great time though nothing romantic happened. A year ago I told her I liked her (on phone) but she said she was not ready for a relationship then. Since then, our contact has been much low. She is studying at a far place, so we haven't seen each other in a years time. We used to talk at least once a month though, text sometimes and the conversations were as warm as earlier. I also got to know that she is not seeing anyone till now. All this is creating a very confusing scene for me. Should I go meet her and tell her I love her? Or should conclude it that she wants only frndship with me? Please guide me. I have been trying to reach you since 3-4 weeks.

Love Guru answers, She said she wasn't ready for a relationship, she didn't say she didn't like you. And now she's far away and caught up with her studying and her own life. I would say you've still got a chance. Go meet her, tell her you love her and you want to know whether there is a future for the two of you or not, because if she wants to remain just friends, you're willing to do that. At the same time, you can move on with dating other women in your personal life if that's the case. Explain that you just want to know where you stand with her and you're willing to make things work, long-distance or not, if she is too.

Love Guru says, That's all for today, folks! Till next week, take care and all the best!