'I've lost my freedom ever since I fell in love'

Is your love life under pressure? Are you troubled by your relationship? Get Ahead's Love Guru hosted a chat with readers on April 14 to help them deal with love problems. For those of you who missed it, here's the transcript.

Love Guru says, Hi there, people...welcome back to the Love Guru chat! Let's get started and if you don't have a question of relevance, kindly allow those who do to post their queries instead of flooding the chat!

Anita asked, Since am in love i lost my freedom....... every time my boy friends asked why where what when?????????? i want to quit

Love Guru answers, Look, if he's overly possessive, you can tell him to back off a little and give you breathing space. If he's suspecting you of cheating on you every minute of the day, there's no point in carrying on with the relationship, but you can at least give him a chance to change his ways before it comes to that.

san asked, Dear LG, Exactly 2 years ago I wrote to U about my predicaments in Love. My GF had taken fancy to a leading film hero who reciprocated her affection, leading to my breaking down. Here's an update : That brief affair didn't take her far. I had taken a new assignment and moved to a different city. Still we kept in touch.She claimed she has moved on from him and is in Love with me. But I realized she secretly keeps pining for him,gets moody often..In between she showed some positive signs towards me, but again she has drifted now, not giving any confirmatory answer for marriage.I have invested several Lakhs of rupees on her and am feeling listless now.I still Love her, but can't accept her if she can't commit herself to me. What should I do in life now? Wait for her to come around? if so, for how long?? or,ask for my money back and live a lonely life? Am in deep sorrow and pain emotionally..Please help..Thanks

Love Guru answers, You're in deep sorrow and pain because you're letting this girl walk all over you. Why in heaven's name are you waiting for her to come around? You're second best -- you weren't her first choice, you were a backup when that relationship didn't work out. Is that how you want to spend your life? With someone who didn't really want you but 'settled' for you? Ask for your money back and forget this 'lonely life' nonsense -- she's not the only woman on the planet! And she's certainly not among the better ones either, or she wouldn't keep using you for her own purposes like she is!

Help asked, My Girlfriend had a boy friend earlier then me and she had several crushes which she tried her best to be with them, Then many proposed her and she is in touch with all of them. i hate it.And i dont like this at all. but nothing can move her... Please help me Out.. Please

Love Guru answers, I can understand your concern, but you need to figure out one thing. There are people who believe in staying on good terms with all their exes. And then there are those who enjoy attention from wherever they get it, which is why their exes are all on 'standby' mode. You need to figure out which type your gal is. If she's the former, you have nothing to worry about. If she's the latter, well, then it's a problem. And if she refuses to step back a little from acting cute with all of them, you may reconsider whether she's the right girl for you.

christina asked, I hav doubt whther the person i luv will b wit me for ever bcoz his mother isnt accepting me for i am different caste wat i sud do i luv him alot..

Love Guru answers, If he's not going to stand up to his mother for you, Christina, he's a wimp. In which case, you should stop wasting your time with him. Only if he's committed to stepping up to face opposition and promises to be with you no matter what should you consider staying in this relationship.

sandyjaip asked, i am in love with a woman. she is also interested, but do not know how to move on

Love Guru answers, Ask her out! To dinner, coffee, anything -- go on a few dates, enjoy each other's company and take things naturally, as they come.

Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.

Illustrations: Uttam Ghosh

fizzjizz asked, hey i am married since 2 years.problem is i have very high sex drive and my wife doesnt like it daily.i get frustrated for the same.what should i do?

Love Guru answers, Look, if you're going to force her into having sex with you everyday, sex will only lose its charm for both of you. From the looks of it, she's already losing interest. Too much of a good thing is also not recommended, so I would suggest that you release your frustration yourself on some days.

pratyush asked, hello love guru, i am in a complicated situation. i love a girl very much but she has had bad past relationship. so inspite she trying to get into relationship, she can't trust me, she believes i am with some other girl as well. i am quite serious about my relationship with her, but this doubting of hers is killing it. what am i supposed to do?

Love Guru answers, Tell her what you just told me. She has to make a conscious effort to fight her insecurities and trust you. Explain to her that if you wanted another girl, you wouldn't be with her -- simple as that. You're not her ex, you're another person and she cannot generalise men's behaviour based on one bad experience.

VIcky asked, My Girl left me saying "I found a better person than you", how can I get back her ? Please help me... I know I ignored her but it was not intentional.. pleas help me...

Love Guru answers, Well, she must have complained about your ignoring her, but you didn't pay attention. You can try to win her back with apologies and promises to change, but will you really? If your personalities didn't match, just let it go.

realserv asked, hi, i am 35 and married for 6 years now. my wife is 33 we have son who is 6 yrs old. for lat few years since my wife put on weight i am not getting attracted towards her sexually and our love making has reduced to once in two months due to that. i love my wife and have no affair or interest except her. dont know how to get over........guide

Love Guru answers, You can maybe gently steer her to take care of her looks and weight, but without criticising what she looks like now, as that will make her conscious and only serve to damage your sex life further. What you can do is maybe casually bring up how beautiful she looked at your wedding, or a long-ago party, or how stunning she looked in a particular outfit she wore before she gained weight. You can also tell her that she'd make a really yummy mummy if she dropped a couple of pounds. Be attentive, affectionate and thoughtful -- it will steer her in the right direction.

harish asked, hi LG..i love a girl and she loves me too..v both belong to a different caste.her parents r not too interested in me since my caste is different...but she loves me..at d same time, she loves her parents too nd she doesnt want to upset her parents...what do i do now ?? i cant let go of her so easily..her parents r d problem..am only 23 nd she is 22..they plan to marry her off within 1 year..i m too young to marry her within 1 year...i hav an unmarried brother nd there is no way i can go nd tel about dis problem to my own parents as they will say dat my elder brother is stil unmarried and y r u asking abt ur marriage so soon?? what shuld i do now ???

Love Guru answers, Look, about your brother situation, there's no rule that says he has to marry first! So you found someone before him -- big deal! As for your problem with her parents, I would say you both are a little young to make a decision to marry in haste, but since you seem sure of yourselves, I hope you're both mature enough to handle it. Take your parents' help -- explain the situation to them, with their aid or words, maybe her parents will come around. If all fails, the choice lies with her -- it's you or her parents. And it's up to her to fight for you or give in and live the rest of her life the way they want her to.

loveshishya asked, i had a girlfriend, we have moved on with our own lifes and are not in touch with each other. still i think of her, i want to meet her and want to spend time with her. i dont know whether i am doing it right or wrong but will we ever meet her again.the thing is she had ditched me for an onsite oppurtunity, she is now engaged to some other person and both of us know he is not the right guy for her but even then she is being aloof to me. i had spent a bomb on her, in return i got nothing apart from her betrayal. should i continue like this or what should i do.this behaviour of mine is not harming anyone, i think this is ok with me.please let me know loveguru what to do?

Love Guru answers, She betrayed you, she's not in touch with you and she's marrying someone else. Why is this even your problem anymore? Still, giving your instinct the benefit of doubt, for peace of mind, you can try to reach out to her one last time and tell her you think both of you were meant to be. If she feels the same and regrets her earlier decision to be with someone else, she'll come back to you. If she shuns you at this point, that's it -- forget her entirely. Move on -- it's actually something you should have done the day she left you.

shubh asked, hello lg i got married to my g/f wth whom was in relationship for past 5 yrs, suddenly i feel as if my frredom is gone and i feel irritated some time, and when she is not there i feel very lonely. what should i do ?

Love Guru answers, It's a 'with or without you' situation, is it? Look, newlyweds take time to adjust to living with each other in the first couple of years of marriage. Give each other space and compromise. Things will work out fine.

nivas asked, My gf has a very low self-esteem, she talks negatively, does not feel good about her, she keeps tellin me i deserve a better girl, she is not good looking..... how do i tackle this?

Love Guru answers, By boosting her ego. Push her to feel better about herself with constant reassurance that you love her and think she's beautiful. You can maybe ask her if she'd like to experiment with her look and take her to a beauty salon for a makeover that will make her feel good about herself. But ensure that she knows it's for her to feel better about herself, not because you don't think she looks good enough!

Majnu asked, One of my friends is having a relation with another friend's wife. Both are my close friends. I have caught them red handed once and they made me promise that I wont reveal this to anyone. But since then I am feeling guilty. Should I reveal about this to the other friend?

Love Guru answers, I'd suggest talking to both of them and telling them off. Tell them to either come clean about their relationship to your friend if they want to continue with it and see it as a longterm arrangement, or then end their affair. Tell them you don't appreciate them taking advantage of your other friend like this and while you don't want to tell him anything, they should reconsider what they're doing to him, because it's despicable. It would be preferable if his wife left him and then hooked up with this so-called 'friend' -- at least that would be honest, if nothing else.

romiooin asked, one of my friend is getting married to a window. he is blind in love all people say that char of that gal is not good how should i convience him

Love Guru answers, There are some mistakes people simply have to make before learning a lesson and this is one of them. People in love sometimes lose their ability to judge accurately. You can tactfully voice your concerns to him -- explain that you've heard all this and hope it's untrue for his sake. And also state that if he wants to go ahead with this wedding, you'll support him 100 percent. And leave it at that -- because if you offend him, it will only serve to end your friendship, rather than his relationship!

nisseem asked, Dear Love Guruji, Need your help, I am in love with a married women in my office place but she is not willing to accept me, she says she cannot leave her husband and 2 kids and marry but can remain good freinds with me, i need her my physical relations as I am having problems with my wife. Please advise what I should do in this matter.

Love Guru answers, You say on one hand that you love her and on the other that you need her for physical relations. My advice is, fix the problem with your wife.

MrsK asked, LoveGuru.. Need your help.How will i know whether my husband truly loves me Or he just wants to stay in this relationship because of society, and other factors.I just feel he wants to do verything as a duty. He does not think what makes me happy.I thought my husband would love me a lot.I love him a lot, i cant live without him,i want to be in this relationship but all i want to know is whether he loves me.How will i know that?

Love Guru answers, Ask him. Tell him how you feel -- that you love and adore him and feel like all he does for you feels like he's doing it because it's his duty. Communication will open the doors to a closer, stronger relationship.

jhakas asked, i love my wife very much, but befoe i was mmarried i had ot of affairs, i hav remained faithful for long time now, i get lot of opportunities now, how do i restrain myself and be agood husband i like to have sex with unknown women am i a sex addict

Love Guru answers, Sex addiction is like any other addiction -- you need professional help. I'm glad that you want to be a good husband, your will to remain faithful should be stronger than your urges. Mind over matter, always!

yogesh asked, I am in love but her family opposes our love. Gilr wnat to spent rest of her life with me and so do I.. But she is not leaving her family. please help.

Love Guru answers, That's a choice she'll have to make, ultimately, if they refuse to change their minds.

Zuber asked, Hi Loveguru, apparently before my marriage i was in relationship. however now i have moved on and i love my wife alot. the earlier grl friend blackmails me. what should i do as i am very much scared.

Love Guru answers, Come clean about it to your wife. Tell her about your past -- it was before she came into your life, everyone has a past and I don't think she'll have any real problem with it. That's all it takes -- honesty. After that, your ex won't have a leg to stand on -- cut off all contact with her.

sivvu asked, after a 2 year relation ship my gf left me and got married because i lost my job. now i am married and suddenly my ex has comeback and constantly ringing me up and wants to have a relationship..i have changed my number but am afraid cause she knows where i live..i have tried to tell its over but what happns if she turns up at my home

Love Guru answers, Another man frightened of his ex! What's with you guys, don't be so intimidated by women! Tell your ex to stop contacting you -- end of story! Say you're happily married and have no wish to stay in touch! And like I just advised Zuber, you can also tell your wife about your past.

san asked, Thanks,LG for your pragmatic response. But matters of heart don't go by logical reasoning I guess.I have been keeping away from her for the past 1 month,no communication what-so-ever.I have even had a couple of girls proposing to me, but am unable to go beyond this girl.We both are well educated and working.No dependency on anyone.Yet, I crave for her badly.I was also partly to blame for this situation, using abusive language in the past, when we both were fighting.Now the reason she gives for her attitude is that she wants her heart to heal of the hurt before she can come back to me completely.Am not sure how much to believe that.Do I go for a psychiatric consultation? I want to get over all these hassles now - one way or the other..if I have to move on, getting back the money also is going to be a task for me..Any suggestions please??

Love Guru answers, Look, if you've managed to hold yourself off from contacting her at all for a month, you obviously have will power and can do something when you put your mind to it. Stop falling for her nonsense -- she left you for another man, that didn't work out, she got back in touch and now she needs time to heal? What a load of crap! By all means, opt for therapy if you want, it can only help you.

Love Guru says, Time's up, people! All the best and see you next week!