'I am married, but I also like guys'

Is your love life under pressure? Are you troubled by your relationship? Get Ahead's Love Guru hosted a chat with readers on December 16 to help them deal with love problems. For those of you who missed it, here's the transcript.

Love Guru says, Hey, everyone...welcome back to the Love Guru chat, where you can share your relationship problems. Let's get started -- and please note, anyone creating a nuisance will be barred from the room!

jina asked, 1 year i camecroos the man who did a molest thing to in my teenage yrs,but now he has family,,as nobody in my family knew about this,it just happenen tht i camecroos in some wedding,but after tht i never saw him,as he is friend of our family,may be in some another occasion i just came cross him,how to react thn,just don,t want to remeber all tht just want to avioding it

Love Guru answers, I remember your question from the last chat we had and as I recollect, I answered you. In any case, I recommend you see a therapist to get over this. It's unfortunate that you didn't manage to confide in your parents as a child, but I can understand that you must have been devastated and frightened and it is not uncommon for victims of molestation to feel shame, which is tragically misplaced -- because what happened is not at all, in any way possible, your fault. I think therapy will help you unleash all the pent-up emotions and maybe you can even bring yourself to tell your parents about what happened, even if it was so long ago.

Jaan asked, My girlfirend broke up with me not ready to talk on problem

Love Guru answers, Well, you deserve to know why she broke up with you. So tell her that you want an explanation, because that's the least she can do after dumping you. Everyone needs closure and you're no exception. Tell her that even if it's something that's bound to make you unhappy, you still have a right to know and that you'll handle it.

ashish asked, lg plz teel me my gf is not giving a satisficty asl for marriage

Love Guru answers, That means she's hesitant about marrying you, but you don't seem to know why. So just ask her why she's not sure of marrying you and what problem is in the way of her decision. It could be anything -- fear of not getting along with your parents, fear of committing at what she considers an early age, fear of things not working out between you two. The right course of action here is to bring your doubts into the open and go about resolving them in a mature manner. She's probably not telling you outright because it may upset you, so stay objective and keep your cool when she tells you the real reason. That way you'll find a way to work around it.

nm asked, hey love guru..i am a girl 24 years..recently my hostel room mate is making advances towards me..she says its ok that we do these at this age all does this she says..i am confused..is it ok if i sleep with her?

Love Guru answers, What do you feel like doing? Are you attracted to her? If you're eager to sleep with her, then it's no third party's place to judge what you're doing -- you're not hurting anyone else, it's between the two of you. But you need to figure out whether this is what you really want or whether you're being talked into it, because your friend is obviously either a lesbian or bisexual. Are you?

Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.

Illustrations: Uttam Ghosh

Razigan asked, I'm married.. But there are couple of girls who behave very closely to me... I'm also attracted to each of them. In a dilemma, whether to go physical or not. I love my wife also.

Love Guru answers, It's not a dilemma, it's wrongful temptation. If you love your wife, I would suggest you remain faithful to her. A little attention from any girl who comes along doesn't mean you end up falling into bed with her, just because you can. I'm sure that there are a lot of men out there who are attracted to your wife too, how would you feel about it if she considered what you're considering right now? In my books, marriage is a commitment.

munni asked, my b.f. asked me for sumthing dat i cant share by writing.. s*x. plz tell me should i agree to his demand

Love Guru answers, If you want to have sex with him, that's fine -- provided you're both of legal age! If you're not comfortable with the idea of having sex with him, postpone it till you are. Don't be emotionally blackmailed into doing anything you'll regret after.

sks asked, Hi Love Guru, I was having an afair since 5 Years we had meet online, but we hardly meet 4 to 5 times a Year as we are located in different cities. since last 1 year year she is married, and now she wants to keep in touch with me over phone or email. Is it ok for me ? If no what should i do ?

Love Guru answers, You had more than a friendship with this girl. Now she's married, do you think you'll be comfortable staying in touch with her like you did for five years? That's going to hold you back from moving on, isn't it? While she has her husband and is whispering sweet nothings to you, what is your life going to be like? I'd say you tell her that you don't think it's a good idea to carry on the way the two of you did before. It's okay to exchange an e-mail once in two months or so just to ask how she's doing, but nothing beyond that.

Puneet asked, hi guru, my wife gets angry for small things with me since marriage..in november.tell me how to keep her happy

Love Guru answers, She's throwing tantrums within a month of getting married? I think she's probably having a hard time adjusting to life in your house, because she's feeling a little uprooted. You need to explain to her that you understand what she's going through with the transition and want to support her through it, but she can't be flying off the handle with you for silly reasons constantly. Things can be discussed -- she shouldn't be venting her frustration on you.

Karnik asked, Hai,Guru..A major Problem..I am going around with my girl since lasr 11 yrs..but her parents are not convinced to marry me..& she donot want to go against her parent & remain unmarried..plz suggest

Love Guru answers, Karnik, you can give it one last try personally with her parents. Go to them, maybe with your own family for moral support and explain that you intend to keep their daughter happy in every way possible. If they relent, or even show signs of relenting slightly, good for you. If they don't -- I'd say leave the girl. If she herself is saying she'll leave you on their say-so, why should they accept you? They know well enough that she won't marry you against their wishes. Maybe if she made up her mind to do that, they would come around. And even if they didn't, eleven years together should be enough for her to know that you'll be a good husband to her.

asd asked, i have many girls who i like.. one is dark who is a very close and amazing person.. another is fair who is not as nice but a nice person as well.. i am confused as i feel racist but cant help but am more attracted to fairer girl.. what do u suggest

Love Guru answers, Skin colour runs only skin deep. In your eyes, dusky skin is a shortcoming, but there are millions around the world who prize sultry looks. Even foreigners are always trying to tan themselves in the sun to sport a golden glow. In any case, I'd say get over the appearances and look at which girl will keep you happy for the rest of your life.

Srinidhi asked, Hi, I and my gf were very happy. Both our families didn't agree for our relationship. We were not in touch with each other for few days. Now she is with someone else. I am feeling very bad and I am depressed. Please suggest what to do..

Love Guru answers, Well, she certainly moved on pretty quick! Good that it didn't materialise -- now you know exactly how much you meant to her. If she truly loved you, she would have at least waited awhile before dating someone else. She didn't -- so as much as it hurts, grit your teeth for now and move on. In a month's time it won't feel half as bad and you'll soon recover from the blow completely if you will yourself to do so.

ravi asked, he love guru i like a girl but i exactly don't know Wether am really in love , how can i find out ?

Love Guru answers, Love doesn't happen overnight -- sometimes an attraction grows into love after spending time with a person. And sometimes it doesn't. You'll find out if you get to know her better and maybe go out on a couple of dates.

happysingh asked, Dear LG, a slow day for the chat room i guess,... anyway here is my issue.. married and settled for last 15 years.. and now we want to jazz up the sex with some swinging and swapping... spouse is not so sure... but we have always fantasized about it during our love making.. my only worry is i may lose out my spouse to a better performer.. otherwise i am gung ho about it.. are there any other risks in such an endeavor?

Love Guru answers, It's all fine in theory and to fantasise about, but when it comes to actually getting down to it, things may feel different. You're probably dreaming of bedding another woman, but do you think you'd be really comfortable with the idea of another man's hands on your wife? Think about it very, very carefully -- such things can rip a marriage apart. Yes, there are couples who do it and may not have any issues with it, but you need to find out 100 percent whether the two of you are okay with it.

heartbroken asked, I am married, but I also like guys. But my wife didn't know the fact. I love her too, and don't want to spoil our marriage. What should I do?

Love Guru answers, You seem to be bisexual. But even bisexuals enter into commitments, because of love. What you're feeling for other men is lust -- with your wife, it's both attraction and love. Why would you want to risk that? If you have trouble coping, I'd recommend seeing a therapist.

Madd asked, Hi Love Guru,I am a boy but have girl like features as in voice and body...But I have genuine boyish feelings....But still,gilrs dont come close to me....I dont what to do..Can u help?

Love Guru answers, Look, it's not necessary for all women to be attracted to macho males. Lots of women like skinny guys and their appeal is universal -- ever seen some of Calvin Klein's male models? With their long hair and narrow waists, they look like women from the back, but they're considered sex symbols! What I think you're lacking is self-confidence. And if you're unhappy with your body, hit the gym and get a trainer to help you buff up.

komal asked, I love a guy very much, he also loves me but sumtimes i feel as if he ignores me. he ramain very very busy with work and doesn't care to even call once in a day, during his ofifice hour. can anybody be so busy. I'm also a working girl

Love Guru answers, Komal, outside of working hours has he ever ignored you? If not, I don't think there's a problem -- high-pressure jobs can be like that. Sure, he may find five minutes in a day to call you, but maybe he doesn't because he's taking a breather from all the work he's done and it feels disjointed to make a call to you just to ask how you're doing when he knows perfectly well that he can call you after work? So he doesn't call you from the office -- big deal. When he has the time for you after work though, he gives you enough attention, doesn't he?

subhransu asked, i am in love with a girl 14 yrs younger than me and after 4 yrs she thought i am not good enough for her. she stopped talking to me. i am completely heart broken. wht to do ?

Love Guru answers, That's quite an age difference -- I know you're upset, but it was probably for the best. Sometimes young girls fall for far older men, but then as they mature too they realise suddenly that their thoughts don't match and that they'd rather be with someone closer to their own age, who they have more things in common with. So do the same as her -- find a woman closer to your own age and on your wavelength.

sanjay asked, hi, i am sanjay married 3 year ago but i had girlfriend before marriage we were dating last 8 yrs before marriage after marriage also me were meeting & had relation but from last 3-4 months she is not talking with me, she is talking with another guy telling me he is college friend & not receiving my calls is there any relation for her with him.

Love Guru answers, Probably. And good for her -- you married someone else, didn't you? How long do you think she'll hang around? You have a wife, you'll soon have a family -- and what, she's supposed to stay your mistress her whole life? She probably wants a husband too!

Love Guru says, Time's up, people... tune in next week and if you like, you're welcome to post your queries on the .