'Three years of marriage and we've still not had sex'

Is your love life under pressure? Are you troubled by your relationship? Get Ahead's Love Guru hosted a chat with readers on November 25 to help them deal with love problems. For those of you who missed it, here's the transcript.

Love Guru says, Hi everyone! Welcome back to where you can freely share your relationship troubles...let's get started!

Rahul asked, I have some differences with my G/F. She is not picking up my phone. It has been 15 days since we last met or talked? What to do??

Love Guru answers, Total avoidance is hardly the solution. Even if she wants to break things off, the least she can do is talk it over with you so that you get some closure. Confront her face to face, Rahul and let her know that things can't just be left up in the air like that. Even if she wants to end the relationship, she has to let you know. Tell her to discuss what's happened like an adult and then she is free to make her choice.

oswal asked, my gf analyses too much..every word...every action is analysed...and i am getting sick of it. how do i get her to stop analysing everything?

Love Guru answers, Tell her to analyse how annoying it is for you to have everything examined with a microscope by her! She is creating trouble for the two of you with this obsessive behaviour -- if she's noticing everything else, surely she must notice this fact too. Give her a small dose of her own medicine if you think it'll make any headway -- do the same to her for a couple of days. She is sure to notice the change in your behaviour. Maybe then she will understand how annoying it can be.

raju asked, have 2 gf ,i love both of them ,get sex from both of them,still thinking with whom i marry

Love Guru answers, You're not in a grocery store trying to pick and choose between two brands of toothpaste. Your actions are bound to hurt one of them so stop delaying the inevitable. Analyse your compatibility, chemistry and love for each of them individually and call things off with the other one because it's the right thing to do.

naina asked, my bf is going abroad,am afraid our relationship will effect,how i manage all this

Love Guru answers, Distance always has an impact upon a relationship, but to what extent is for the two of you to determine. There has to be 100 percent trust and understanding -- if both partners commit to these factors, it should go smoothly. I know you're anxious about the transition, but you'll need to be a little strong mentally and accept the change with as much grace as you can. If he says he'll call you at 10, for instance and then calls at 11 or even 12, don't make an issue of it. Give him a little leeway, so that you can expect the same and be a source of comfort to one another, not of irritation.

Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.

Illustrations: Uttam Ghosh

juli asked, hi LG after 5 yrs rel me n my bf getting boored. he is not giving so much time to manage our rel.if i marry him same question will arise nw i m getting scared, wht should i do?

Love Guru answers, The honeymoon is over for the two of you. And this happens in every single relationship, no matter how much you love each other -- after the initial spark, the flame has to be kept going with an effort. The difference lies in how different couples handle it. Most let things take their course till they end up two friends living under the same roof and romance goes out the window. Plan some couple activities for the two of you that are something you've never done before -- take a vacation to a place you've never been, or visit a museum, a planetarium, a zoo...the options are endless. Try to make a few sweet gestures with flowers or a surprise candle-lit dinner, like you probably did at the start of your relationship. Take the initiative and it will work out -- and explain to him that he needs to also, else your love will run its course.

mita asked, 5 yrs back when i am college am in luv with guy,due to caste problem,we parted our ways,but still i anable to forget him,have nervous breakdown than,but i recover slowly,anyone,doing job find many proposels,now i don,t like to go ahead.

Love Guru answers, You've had a bad experience and you're afraid of wading into the dating pool again. Look, if the two of you didn't make it, it was probably because it wasn't meant to be. But it is with someone else, provided you let it happen. If you keep shrinking away from it, you'll never get around to it. Be strong, Mita...you can find happiness but you'll have to give it a chance to come to you. Opportunity is knocking -- if you don't open the door, you'll never be able to avail of it. I'm not saying jump headlong into a marriage with someone else, but at least explore the proposals you're getting. Sooner or later a man will come along who will not only make you happy and understand you, but will make your past heartache disappear.

Ji asked, Hello LG, I have been dating this girl from my office, but the company belongs to one of her uncle who is close to her father... so we are keeping it a secret for 6 months now.. we are determined to marry, but the girl is very timid to talk to her father... I am an engineer, and her dad is too, so those people are a bit richer than my family... I am very confused what to do to make things happen?

Love Guru answers, Instead of going behind their backs, which is sure to annoy them when they find out about it from someone else, talk to her family. Look, you're in the same professional line as her dad and you're way younger -- I'm sure he doesn't expect you to be as well-off as he is after so many years of working. And he'll probably be glad that you're an engineer too. Stop anticipating problems before they come up. If she's too timid, you talk to her father directly. Be respectful and give him your word that you will do all you can to keep his daughter happy. Good luck!

deb asked, I am 38 yrs old and married. One of my friend's wife seems to be in love with me. She looks for opportunities ( whenever our families meet ) to touch me discreetly whenever she can in the pretext of something or the other. I can see the love in her eyes whnevr she looks at me. But whenever i tried to talk to her directly on the subject she completely avoids and behaves strangely. I am confused. Please help

Love Guru answers, Stop trying to talk to her about it. You're married and should be concerned with your own relationship, not with any random woman who is attracted to you! Avoid her discreet come-ons too and leave things alone. Remember that she's married to your friend and you wouldn't appreciate one of your pals hitting on your wife either.

machan asked, who are you to intrude personal life of others for your benefit. it is illegal in india

Love Guru answers, And who are you, a lawyer with the Supreme Court? I'd suggest you bury your nose in a law book and get your facts right before coming in here to waste my time with your stupid observations!

ruhi asked, im 24 yrs old girl and due to family problems have been taking help from a net friend whos 32 yrs old and married for the past 7 years.he has saved me and my family for so many years. He doesnt ask for any favour but somehow i love him and want to do something for him which i dont mind getting phyical with him though he has not talked about those matters .Pls help

Love Guru answers, He's been a good friend, but don't mix your up gratitude with feelings of love. Trying to involve yourself with him will only complicate both your lives, not to mention ruin his marriage. Is that how you want to repay someone who has helped you?

Riaz asked, Hellow............well i am riaz......i loved a girl for nearly eight yrs,,,,,,,,,,well i loved from the depth of my heart,,,,,,,,,,and now she is in africa,,,,,,,,and she is married...........she has cheated me.........and now even i wann get married and settel down ,,,,,,,,i keep comparing her with this girls,,,,,,,inreturn i dont come to finalisation ,,,,,,,,and i dont know i am tensed and lonely........

Love Guru answers, As long as you compare, you'll never be happy. It's like, let's say, you being so attached to a car, that even when someone offers you one that's way better, you're still looking for one that functions in an identical manner to the one you have. Realise that there are many women in this world that may be better in every possible way for you than this one girl. But with your habit of making comparisons, you'll fail to notice their own individual appeal. She cheated you and she shouldn't have, but now let it go. Time to get your own life and happiness sorted!

SRIDEVI asked, HAI I WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH MY GIRL FRIEND BUT SHE IS NOT ACCEPTING ME BCOZ SHE IS FEAR OF HER HUSBAND

Love Guru answers, That's quite a justified fear, if you ask me!

Swapnil asked, i love a girl named Pallavi . i know her since last 8 yr. i proposed her also but she did not accept. she is no commited to any one please guide me how can i convince her

Love Guru answers, I'm sorry to have to tell you this Swapnil, but you can't convince her. Love, attraction -- these happen naturally, you cannot force them. Even if she's not committed to anyone else, the point is that she is not attracted to you. You have to accept that gracefully -- it's a disappointment that many people have to deal with at some stage in their lives. Don't be discouraged -- just make an effort to overcome your obsession and realise this is just one girl who said no. There will be others who will not.

saurabh asked, i loved a girl with whom i had a break up 3 years back. the reason for that break up was her friend with whom she had a affair later but that friend of hers refused her to marry. now she wants to be my simple friend so please suggest me

Love Guru answers, How do you feel about being friends with her? Is it a situation you're comfortable with after your history with this girl? If you're not, don't be friends -- you don't owe her anything. If you think you've moved on in life far enough to be able to remain friends, then I guess it's okay. But make sure you don't land up falling for her and getting hurt again -- be very sure of your own feelings. Don't deceive yourself.

rd asked, hi LG, i m married for 10 months and we decided to continue with her pregnancy soon after our marriage. Now that she is about to deliver, she feels love is lost and life is running like a machine..pls suggest what to do.

Love Guru answers, It's her hormones that are probably causing these mood swings. You have to be very attentive and caring towards her at this point in time. She is going through a lot at this time, so show her how much you love her in every possible way and ensure that she feels secure and happy.

violet asked, hi, im in luv wid a much older guy, he says, its better to part ways, but im so much in luv, plz help....i dont want to lose him...

Love Guru answers, How much older is much older? And what is your age?

indianchoudhary asked, hi lg Satya this side . actuly mera ek ladki ke sath 3 saal se afair tha or hum sex bhi kar chuke the bt last year april mei mujhe pata laga ki mujhe blood cancer hai to maine usse relationship tod li bcs meri life kafi kam hai abhi . or usko sare doc proof bhi dhikhye bt wo mujhe galat samjhati hai . ab uski engagement bhi ho chuki hai . bt aaj kal wo mujhe caal tk nahi kari ki mei kaisa hoon . mei usse baat karna chahta ho

Love Guru answers, Ji mein samajh sakti hoon ki aap ne ye decision kyun liya, lekin aapne uske feelings ke baare mein shayad nahin socha. Shayad usko itna pyaar tha aap se, ki voh chahti thi ki jitna waqt tha aapke paas, woh aap ke saath guzarein. Lekin aapne usko jindagi se nikaal diya. Aap uski jagah hote to aap ko bhi dukh hota. Abhi uski engagement ho gayi hain to voh aapko phone kyun karegi? Uske mann mein aap ne usko dhoka diya. Na waqt bitane diya na contact mein rahen, jab ki woh aapse pyaar karti thi. Aap chahte hain to phone karke baat kar lijiye -- bol dijiye ki aap kabhi nahin chahte the ki uska dil dukhayen. Aur aap friends to rehna chahte hain. All the best!

pran asked, I am in love with my colleague and she as well. My parents wont appreciate this and we know tht we wont get married. Do u think its good to avoid her? but she says plz dont show ignorance with me, i knw my future? How to handle this situation?

Love Guru answers, If you both have already decided that this relationship will have no future, don't get into it. It's a waste of time. Only if you're both ready to stand up to disapproval from both your families and go ahead with marriage when the time is right should you stay in a relationship. Else forget it.

Raj012 asked, Hi I have been married for 3 years now but I have not slpet with my wife. Whenever I try to get close to her she says that she is uncomfortbale with me. We had an arranged marriage. And, my wife is working. What shud I do?

Love Guru answers, If three years have elapsed since you married and you've still not had sex, it's a problem. Was she pressured into this marriage? Did she want to marry you or did her parents force her? Is your marriage happy other than in the bedroom? If so, maybe she has developed a fear or intimacy. Visit a couples' counsellor please -- there are obviously issues here that you've either not told me or are not aware of yourself.

Pams asked, I am 21 yrs old . One of my friend's girlfriend seems to be in love with me. She looks for chances to be with me alone. Whenever I am near she avoids her boyfriend i.e. my friend and acts strange. Last night something serious happened. She called me and said we all three will go for a movie and she didn't call my friend. Now we were just two and she was trying to hold my hand in between of movie. And with intimate scenes in the movie she glanced at me and I kissed her. At the end of the movie she proposed me and disagreed when I told he to tell about this to her boyfriend. I don't know what to do . Help me Love Guru

Love Guru answers, She can't be dating both of you. And it's not like this is any random guy, he's your friend, isn't he? Either she chooses to break it off with him and start dating you, or then she stays with him and you make sure you keep your distance from her. In any case, it's sure to ruin your friendship if your buddy finds out about the two of you. A girl like this is not to be trusted -- she could do the same thing to you tomorrow that she's doing to your friend today.

Love Guru says, Time's up, people...see you next week! Till then, post your questions on the .