Whether we like to admit it or not, concepts of personal space and privacy are alien to most Indians. (Illustrations by Dominic Xavier)
Think of it, how often have you just met someone and found them asking you all sorts of personal questions -- not just the casual 'where are you from' but your caste, your parents' anniversary, your medical history and your salary.
Most of us are pros at fielding such questions -- we've all had our share of inquisitive aunties growing up -- but when you're a couple, it gets tricky.
How, after all, would you feel like answering for another person -- your better half?
So here we have then -- the 10 questions that Indian couples are quite sick of hearing.
1. So... when's the wedding? (Almost always followed with a suggestive wink)
What we want to say: How does it matter? You're not going to be invited anyway!
What we say: Soon. Very, very soon! (Almost always followed with rolling of the eyes behind the person's back)
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2. Do your parents know about you two? (Almost always followed with a look of fake concern)
What we want to say: Are you nuts? Please don't ever tell them. We beg you!
What we say: Aunty, what's the time? (And then make a dash for the nearest exit.)
Illustration: Dominic Xavier/Rediff.com
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3. Would you like to stay with your in-laws after marriage? (Always addressed to the girl, of course)
What we want to say: Depends really! Would you like to stay in prison for the next 20 years of your life?
What we say: Yes but we will visit them every weekend (You won't).
Illustration: Dominic Xavier/Rediff.com
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4. So when's the 'good news'?
What we want to say: And our wedding reception is the best place for you to ask this question?
What we say: (Nothing. We just smile for the cameras :-/)
Illustration: Dominic Xavier/Rediff.com
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5. Will your children be Hindus or...?
What we want to say: We don't know but they most certainly won't be idiotic like you!
What we say: Oh well... it's a little too early to say, isn't it? (Then make some excuse and sneak out.)
Illustration: Dominic Xavier/Rediff.com
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6. Life changes drastically after marriage. Are you folks ready for it?
What we want to say: Of course not! We just thought it might be a good idea to blow up our life's savings and feed people we will never meet again.
What we say: Well, we're taking one day at a time :-)
Illustration: Dominic Xavier/Rediff.com
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7. Will you allow her to work even after marriage?
What we want to say: Will you stop asking ridiculous questions?
What we say: Well, it's her call...
Illustration: Dominic Xavier/Rediff.com
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8. But do you know how to cook?
What we want to say: No. But he does. Is that a problem? He also presses my feet.
What we say: No but I'm learning from mum! (Followed by a smile)
Illustration: Dominic Xavier/Rediff.com
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9. Will you give up your surname after marriage?
What we want to say: Will you give up being idiotic?
What we say: I'll have his surname *and* mine.
Illustration: Dominic Xavier/Rediff.com
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10. Don't you think you could have done better?
What we want to say: Now that you mention it... I've always wanted to ask your husband that!
What we say: (Nothing. Just roll our eyes and walk away.)
Illustration: Dominic Xavier/Rediff.com
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