"Everyone has a past, should it be waved about, brought up?
"The need to, and how much to reveal, differ from couple to couple.
"Often, what one expects from a relationship is not full disclosure, but the assurance that the other person is well and truly over the past and there is no chance of it coming back."
Rediff.com's Love Guru has answers to all your relationship problems.
In an online chat every Thursday, Rediff.com's Love Guru addresses relationship problems and attempts to offer earnest solutions.
For those who missed the chat on September 24, here's the transcript:
sameer sethi: LG, my problem is I fall in love very often. I am married but I am attracted to other women too. What to do?
Love Guru: Sameer Sethi, keep your attraction under control, before it ends up controlling you.
Attractions happen all the time, the trick is not to succumb to them
Megha Nambiar: My husband wants to send a part of my earnings to his mom, is that right?
Love Guru: Megha Nambiar, well, you don't think that is right?
If his sending money doesn't deprive you of anything, and if the mother needs help, what is the problem? It could happen to you tomorrow, too, no?
ashish harale: Hi love guru , I love one woman she is my neighbour. How can I ask for relationship?
Love Guru: Ashish Harale, I guess when you mean you love her, it's one-sided, from your end, right?
Since the woman is your neighbour, it must be easy to approach her, with a simple 'hello' and introduce yourself (I am assuming she has seen you around and knows you are her neighbour).
It's easy to talk about neighbourhood things etc, and let the conversation progress. Do NOT start off with 'I love you' etc
Before you ask her for relationship, why don't you first start talking to her like a neighbour?
Strike up a conversation, see how it goes, how it grows and depending on that you will know if she is interested in you or no
Farhan Aziz: LG, I am about to get married in December this year. Should I tell my fiance about my ex? I am confused
Love Guru: Farhan Aziz, please read my answer to Raju Vohra on the same subject.
Sukhvinder Agah: my wife wants to have a second child, I am not ready yet, pls advice how to convince her to wait
Love Guru: Sukhvinder Agah, you don't want a second child ever, or you don't want one just now?
If she wants it, and you don't want it at all, there's a problem.
However, if your reluctance is only temporary, say you want it two years later, then try and speak to her about it, commit to her about it.
Personally, I've always advocated a quick second child as that eases things up later
Saroj Khan: My husband is jealous of my colleagues, how do i handle the situation
Love Guru: Saroj Khan, handle it with sensitivity, not derision. It is a real thing and needs to be addressed.
The male ego is a fragile thing, easily challenged, easily crumpled.
So the best way to handle it would be to assure him, make him believe that he is in no danger of being dethroned and his primacy in your life is intact. And keep other men out of his presence
Raju Vohra: Should I tell my fiance about my ex?
Love Guru: Raju Vohra, everyone has a past, should it be waved about, brought up?
The need to, and how much to reveal, differ from couple to couple.
Often, what one expects from a relationship is not full disclosure, but the assurance that the other person is well and truly over the past and there is no chance of it coming back.
shivneri: Hi how does one know that a guy really likes you
Love Guru: Shivneri, really new to the game, are you? When a guy is interested in you, it's very easy to know it.
If you say you are not sure, then it is likely he is not interested in you
reahul sexsena: I am having a relationship with my girl friend. Now she is asking for marriage. what should I do to break up?
Love Guru: Reahul Sexsena, did I read your question right?
You want to know how to break up?
Like a man, I hope, and by that I mean with decency and sensitivity, and not ghost on her.
But I hope that you had not misled her about marrying her to get her into a relationship and are now backing out, that would be a very unmanly thing to do
vishal goel: My girlfriend and I were not talking how I start?
Love Guru: Vishal Goel, since you are calling her your girlfriend, I am presuming you two have had a tiff and you want to know how to make up.
A stranger you've never spoken to cannot be described as your girlfriend, please note.
And the best way to make up after a tiff is with flowers and/or chocolate, try them. They seldom fail.
Illustration: Uttam Ghosh/Rediff.com
Also read
- 'She insulted me. But I still care for her'
- 'My wife wants to control me'
- 'Her brother is threatening me. What to do?'
- 'My mother-in-law rules my family. Help!'
- 'My wife left me. How can I get her back
- 'Is it advisable to tell my partner about my past?'
- 'I don't know whether she loves me or not'
- 'My GF does not like me talking to other girls'
- 'I don't think my GF loves me any more'
- 'I've suffered failure in love for the fifth time'
- 'I feel like marriage is my chance to escape poverty'
Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of Rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.
(Due to circumstances beyond our control, date and time of chat may change)