In an online chat with Get Ahead readers on October 1, Rediff.com's Love Guru answered their relationship queries. For those who missed he chat, here's the unedited chat transcript.
Bongkim singha: Hi LG,i have a girl friend...she loves me alot.,but when she gone for her higher studies,her ex-bf also there in the same university...their relation are fb relation for 2years,,,then that boy leaves her,,,and now that boy again propsed her,,,and she get confused,,,and now she only tell me that she needs time.plz suggest me hat to do.
Love Guru: Bongkim Singha, "confused" she says and needs time? Uh oh, that doesn't sound like good news for you. Who knows, she may still see virtues in you and come back to you, so whatever happens don't break the communication channel with her, else she will think you are not interested in her anymore. Reassure her that you are here, waiting for her
vijay kumar tripathi: i have married in 14 year ago and i have 2 kids,but unfortunetlly due to lot of reason we fight each other in last 3-4 year, now i have change my job in other city and my family stay in other city...now even she and kids are not talk on phone ...what to do.
Love Guru: Vijay Kumar Tripathi, you may be living in different cities but I hope you are still providing for your family? Given the situation in your family, and since you sound like you want a reconciliation, is it a wise move to live separately? Think over it? It could be physical distance today, it could be emotional distance tomorrow. Act before it becomes a reality.
Raja Krishnan: I love a girl who is separated from husband. I met her first time in 2007. meeting her after a long gap in June 2015. I still love her, but she told me that I am not her kind of man. but she demands time from me like a lover/wife. My heart is wid her. My wife knows it and does not like me talking to her or meeting her. What is your opinion.
Love Guru: Raja Krishnan, A loving wife who you don't seem to love, a woman who doesn't love you but who you seem to adore. Can life get more dramatic? I too am curious to know how this plot to beat all Bollywood plots is going to play out, so do keep writing in. As for advice, I'd say you are in self-destruct mode and to come out of it.
N R Sharma: She wants to be with me however would not be able to convey the time period. Says, she has tried thrice to come conveyed she loves me, want to be with me. But her husband gets more patient and feels she is just getting dissuade, adds that will do everything for her to re-kindle. What should she do so that her husband leave her? what do you think. will she come to me.
Love Guru: N R Sharma, you are being taken for a ride, and I think willingly. She won't come to you, however since you seem to enjoy the wait, please go ahead and wait.
arvint: A married lady with a 7 yr daughter loves me a lot, i also like her and she eagerly want me to do that thing. she is 3 yrs older than me. i m 26 now. the main problem is she is my friends wife. i dont understand should i go forward to do sex with her or not cause she thinks i can give a son/daughter child to her . Pl. suggest me what to do. after 12 years of marriage she only have a daughter & her family want another child from her and they blame her always for not having another child.
Love Guru: Arvint, so she is your friend's wife. So she already has a daughter, but wants you to give her a son/daughter as the case maybe. Well, you can yield to her but this is a complex case. Please work out the problems that come along with it, and if you feel confident that you can handle them, then who is anyone else to stop you? Except, your friend and, maybe, your conscience.
abhishek (Vivian): Hi, LG i love a girl too much. She also loved me since last year December 2014. But from January 2015 her response is become too less...Please help me what a reason behind her this attitude...Thanks
Love Guru: Abhishek (vivian), why did she cool off from you? There could be any number of reasons, that I can guess at. But to be sure, only she knows why, and if you want to know, I suggest that you ask her why she dropped you like a hot potato
pradeep kumar: Hii LG. I loving a girl. But I hv no idea how to propose her..
Love Guru: Pradeep Kumar, I hope it's not a case of love where the girl knows nothing about it till you spring it on her? I hope too that you and she are "friends", that is, you two talk to each other (hopefully a lot), go out together for coffee, outings etc? In that case, it shouldn't be difficult to propose to her. But if you have never spoken to her before, then I suggest you abandon your plan.
Madhumita Gosh: Hi LG. My husband always favours his mother in an argument. He never listens to my side of the story. I am very frustrated and I turn my anger to my kids, which I later regret. How do I make my husband understand?
Love Guru: Gosh, Madhumita Gosh, that's a problem I am sure many married women face. I am presuming your mother-in-law is living with you? That's always a recipe for intra-personal issues. Your husband obviously dotes on his mother, which is why he is taking her side. But there are ways you can make your husband see your point of view -- perhaps you are not doing it right?
hitansh: My GF and I have been in a relationship for six years now. Her parents still dont accept me and are trying to break our relationship. What can I do to win their trust?
Love Guru: Hitansh, you know why they don't accept you, so try and change that part about you (only since you care for your girlfriend). If it is something that cannot be changed, say, then you will have to work harder at changing their perception of you.
sudaram: Dear LG, I am married, but I still love my ex. What to do?
Love Guru: Sudaram, wrong question. It is not, what to do, but what you WANT to do. Though questions arise in my mind. If you still love your ex, why did you marry another? Because your ex didn't want to marry you? So you don't mind spending the rest of your life pining for someone who obviously didn't feel the same way about you, and don't mind ruining what could be a life with a partner who loves you?
iamadreamer: i know this guy from a year whom am crazy about. He is pestering me about going to his flat. so is an invitation to his flat an invitation to sleep with him?
Love Guru: Iamadreamer, well, for sure he doesn't want you to go over to admire his wall paint. What else do you think it can be? What surprises me is not that you can't see it for yourself, but that given that you are crazy about him, you have not been to his flat despite his pestering you to do so, as you say. So what gives?
Anjali Bisht: Hi L.G i m fed up of my lyf hope u cud help me.i luv a guy frm past 8 yrs actually he is my family frnd 1stly he said dat he luvs me but later on my family came 2 know abt our relation & he steped back after dat i tried a lot to convience him but he refused dat he had ever luved me.i cant live widout him yr pls help me
Love Guru: Anjali Bisht, so you cannot live without a guy who can, in an instant, disown you the minute your family got to know of him. Put that way, can you see how ridiculous your complaint is? That he is not interested in you is clear from your message, so what is it you are waiting for from him? A declaration of undying love? Marriage? Forget it, you are not going to get it. Forget and move on
shivneri: actor salman khan says that in tis generation marriage is not permanent... do you agree... if one finds the right person then..ur comments
Love Guru: Shivneri, while it's true that marriages crumble faster today than they did a generation ago, it doesn't mean that all marriages are bound to fail. For every failed marriage, there is a marriage that has succeeded. Why marriages fail, how love can be sustained -- this is not something that can be dealt with in the limited space available here
ato-ismailabad: Parents of my gf wants IAS or IPS for her whereas i'm working as clerk. My parents want a girl with good height as i'm 6 feet taller and my girlfriend is only 5.1 feet. We know our parents demands that is why, we are not able to tell them and we afraid that may be we can't contact each other after telling everything to our parents. We're Confused :(
Love Guru: Ato-Ismailabad, while it's true that our parents want the best for us, sometimes it's also true they also impose their framework on us, making the children very uncomfortable. While there's no questioning their intent, they do want the best for their children, once in a while the children too need to speak up and tell them that they need their space. Your time to do that has come
yogendra uniyal: whenever i ask her that what qualities she saw in me while making her decision , she always said that she has not thought of anything while making marraige decision .Is it sign of some major sacrifice from her . On dates she meets me but never flirts and shows love . .I am unable to understand her state of mind and love for myself.What to do
Love Guru: Yogendra Uniyal, if you can pour out your heart here, surely you can do the same with her? Don't just ask her what qualities she saw in you, instead share your misgivings with her, tell her that her responses are making you uncomfortable, and why. Maybe when you spell out your worries, she will make an effort to explain things to you
Illustration: Uttam Ghosh/Rediff.com
