"There's a popular meme floating about that says life is not about looking through the rear-view mirror but through the front windscreen."
"When you have a happy family, including a kid, why do you torture yourself about what happened?"
Rediff.com's Love Guru has answers to all your relationship problems.
In an online chat every Thursday, Rediff.com's Love Guru addresses relationship problems and attempts to offer earnest solutions.
For those who missed the chat on October 15, here's the transcript:
kalyan ram: My first wife divorced me without giving any reason for split.
Now I am married second time and living happily. We got a kid also.
But everyday when I think about my first wife it hurts me that she walked away without giving any reason.
I always felt that I had been cheated by first wife. How to handle this?
Love Guru: Kalyan Ram, there's a popular meme floating about that says life is not about looking through the rear-view mirror but through the front windscreen.
That's the only to go forward, don't you think?
So when you have a happy family, including a kid, why do you torture yourself about what happened?
Do you think your ex-wife is ruining her life thinking about you? No. So forget what happened, move on
Sampath Taniee: Sir I met a girl in online she is from delhi and I'm a south indian guy. She looks very beautiful i really love her. but how to impress her?
Love Guru: Sampath Taniee, for starters, I hope your Hindi doesn't bear too many traces of your origin.
If it does, then instead of impressing her you may end up amusing her. So first of all clean up your Hindi diction.
Second, whatever you do, don't fake it.
Women can see through fake characters in no time, and that will be end of your hope. So be natural, be yourself. Be witty, but not smartalecky.
VVspeaks: Dear LG, my pet tomcat rejected my three ex-girlfriends.
After many unsuccessful attempts, I finally gave in and got myself arranged-married.
Now the cat is against that too and refuses to respond to me. What should I do?
Love Guru: VVspeaks, maybe your pet tomcat is just jealous. Have you got him his mate, yet? No?
And you got married before that?
So do that pronto, Mr Cat Lover, hopefully that will divert his focus away from you and keep him occupied to spend too much time thinking about what he probably thinks is your betrayal. Hahaha
sudhee indra: My wife does not give respect to my parents I am tired of taking to her. What should I do?
Love Guru: sudhee indra, a lot of families have this issue of inter-personal problems between in-laws and the spouse.
As someone asked this question regularly, my advice has always been that it's better to separately, nearby if need be, so that the conflicting personalities don't have to run into each other all the time.
It may not sound like a great idea, but this is a workable solution.
paras jain: hi, I like a married girl, she is my normal friend, how can I express my feeling.
Love Guru: Paras Jain, so she is a married woman. Just what do you want from her?
An affair? Or you want her to break up her marriage and go with you?
Has she given you any indication of either of these two things?
If she has not, whatever gave you the idea you can approach a married woman with your feelings?
Assuming she rejects you, then you end up losing the friendship as well, so perish the thought!
Pravin J: Dear LG, my wife is highly temperamental and uses foul languages when shouting at me.
And after some time, she is back to normal and behaves as if nothing happened.
How to handle her, I am worried about my kid who is 5 yrs old.
Love Guru: Pravin J, are you saying your wife is not worried how your child will react to her foul language?
Maybe you should bring it to her notice, reasonably so you don't set her off again.
No mother will want her child to imbibe negative stuff, so that should work.
Gambhir Harbir: Lg I was in a relation but she broke up with me, now im in a relation with someone, but a few days back, my ex she called me and she wants me back but I ignored her.
Later she messaged me that she wants to meet me...I am confused. What to do, please help?
Love Guru: Gambhir Harbir, caught between the past and the present, are we?
The first thing you need to ask yourself is, what do you want to do?
Who do you think matters more to you?
Who are you serious about? Answer these questions, and you will know what to do.
Kartik Dhadda: LG, I love a girl and I had written a love letter to her, which she accepted, but has not replied to me yet.
It's been one week now, in this span of time she met me once when I was going for college, she just smiled and went.
What does this mean what should be my next step?
Love Guru: Kartik Dhadda, her behaviour suggests any number of possibilities.
One, she accepted the letter because she didn't know what it contained, and once she found it, she doesn't know what to tell you without hurting your feelings.
It could be that she is taking her time to decide how to react to it. It could also be that she thinks it is a joke. You could always ask her outright, isn't it?
rs rana: I have been in relationship with a girl for the last more than 7 years.....but there is only one problem.
Now-a-days she has started cheating with any reason from my side..... have tried to say indirectly....but she didn't give any ear....5 years back she did the same thing but i forgive...
Love Guru: Rs Rana, it's a very strange situation.
How should you react to it, is something only you can decide.
I would say why don't you discuss it with her, etc, but that's something you would've done five years ago, and the fact that she has once again decided to do something that hurts you no end, shows it has had no effect.
Should you stay and reason with her, or find your own path is for you to decide.
laxmikantanayak: Please tell the impress a beautiful girl?
Love Guru: Laxmikantanayak, you will impress a beautiful girl the same way you would impress any girl.
Because once you've decided to impress a girl, she becomes beautiful in your eyes. And whatever you do to impress them, be your natural self, and not project an image of you that is not true.
Eknath Gangulee: Lg, how to handle girls with a lot of ego?
Love Guru: Eknath Gangulee, you handle them the same way you handle boys with lots of ego. But seriously, very often the ego is a mask to cover one's true nature, for whatever reason.
Once you figure that out, and know how to treat the person who remains hidden, you will find the cover of ego will come down.
I am not suggesting it's easy, but if the relationships means something to you, then it's worth doing.
Dinkar Dosanjh: My wife gets too complex these days, I can't understand how to handle this please help.
Love Guru: Dinkar Dosanjh, it's hard to figure out what you mean by "complex" behaviour but I am supposing it's something you don't like.
You know that people behave in a certain manner owing to a certain impulse, a trigger, and in this case the trigger for her behaviour is obviously you.
Find out what it is about your behaviour, actions, that is prompting her to react in the manner she is doing, that's all.
Illustration: Uttam Ghosh/Rediff.com
Also read
- 'My wife is spying on me'
- 'I love a girl. She has ego issues'
- 'She insulted me. But I still care for her'
- 'My wife wants to control me'
- 'Her brother is threatening me. What to do?'
- 'My mother-in-law rules my family. Help!'
- 'My wife left me. How can I get her back
- 'Is it advisable to tell my partner about my past?'
- 'I don't know whether she loves me or not'
- 'My GF does not like me talking to other girls'
- 'I don't think my GF loves me any more'
- 'I've suffered failure in love for the fifth time'
- 'I feel like marriage is my chance to escape poverty'
Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of Rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.
(Due to circumstances beyond our control, date and time of chat may change)
