Sexual queries: 'I have never experienced an orgasm'

We invited Get Ahead readers to mail in their questions. Here is the next set of responses:

Dr Krishnamurti,

I am a 24 year old girl and I have never experienced an orgasm in my whole life -- not through masturbation nor through sexual relations. My boyfriend is getting frustrated because he cannot satisfy me and I am also wondering how it is I can't seem to orgasm. I have read that some women never experience orgasms as it is a problem for them. Is this true? Can you help me?

Thank you in advance,
Sumera

Dear Sumera

It seems, from your history, that you are a woman with normal sexual desire, but that your problem is lack of excitation during stimulation and/or inability to attain orgasm. Half to two thirds of women can experience excitation and attain orgasm only with clitoral stimulation and many men do not get this 'point' at all. But this should not happen to you even during self-stimulation. Most women can achieve orgasm by stimulating their own clitoris, because they know best how to stimulate themselves to a climax. But if there's no excitation even with self-stimulation, you probably have what is known as a sexual arousal disorder. This is a complex condition with many causes and needs a detailed work-up. Many women with arousal and orgasmic disorders come to me nowadays for help not only because of the distress that it causes them, but because their partners have labelled them 'frigid' on account of this and the relationship is seriously affected.

Hi,

I am soon getting married. I have tried to have sex before, but I was unsuccessful as I came in less than a minute. After that I didn't try to have sex due to embarassment. Whenever I'm close to my fiance, I get lubricated and sometimes it comes out. Now I have a query -- am I facing a premature ejaculation issue, or is it due to anxiousness?

I have addressed this problem in earlier editions of this column. Please visit the archives. The oozing of some slimy fluid from the penis during sexual arousal is normal. This is not semen. It is fluid from the para-urethral, bulbo-urethral, and prostate glands. This is not ejaculate fluid. It is lubrication fluid released by the aforementioned glands through the penis to lubricate the vaginal introitus (entrance) and facilitate peno-vaginal intercourse.

However, you also seem to be suffering from premature ejaculation, ie you lose your entire 'deposit' before you want to lose it. The former (lubrication fluid release) is physiological (normal). The latter (early release of semen by ejaculation) is not. However, it is treatable. Write to us for more.

Hello, I use to have sex with my office girls without protection -- it happened about 3 times without a condom. For the last one year, I have small red spots on my penis head, sometimes it becomes too red and causes a burning sensation. Kindly advise me a medicine.

Cheers!
Amar

Dear Amar

You have almost certainly picked up some venereal infection, and are making a mistake by trying to seek shortcut solutions through the Internet rather than by scheduling an appointment with an expert. Don't wait until your 'Cheers' turn to `Tears'. And stop passing it on to others now.

Hello Doctor,

I'm aged 35, married and I still mastubate. I'm not satisfied sexually by my wife -- she doesn't sweat. Earlier I was having relation with girlfriends who used to sweat. Is this a major disorder? Is masturbating a threat?

You're watching too many porn films, I suspect. It is also possible that you make love to your wife in an air-conditioned bedroom, but do it with your girlfriends in stuffy, sleazy hotel rooms or on the back seat of a hot car. It is not mandatory to sweat during sex. Masturbation after marriage is completely normal too, and often a necessary safety release valve if one has to responsibly attend to all other matters in life (than sex) as well. Check out Chapters 9, 11, and 39 in my book, Sexx is Not a Four-Letter Word. All three discuss masturbation. You may also want to discuss your marital sexual dissatisfaction with your wife and try to arrive at a mutually agreeable solution. Or you may want to seek professional help.

Do you have a question for Dr Krishnamurti? Simply e-mail him at sexualqueries@rediffmail.com; responses will be published each week and names will be withheld upon request.

Dr Sudhakar Krishnamurti is an international award-winning andrologist and microsurgeon. He is the only Indian on the world's first-ever batch of sexual medicine fellows (Oxford, 2007). Best known for the Krishnamurti Operation for Peyronie's Disease, he is also the founder of Andromeda, India's first andrology center, and author of the book Sexx is Not a Four-Letter Word. Click here to purchase the book from rediff Shopping.

Disclaimer: Please note that Dr Krishnamurti will be answering the most relevant queries at his discretion each week. His advice may not necessarily reflect the opinions of rediff.com and while it is in the capacity of professional medical counselling, it in no way should be considered an alternative to visiting a medical specialist for sex-related ailments.