It's crucial to recognise that you are not responsible for your husband's abusive behaviour and you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect in your marriage, says rediffGURU Kanchan Rai.
- You can post your questions to rediffGURU Kanchan Rai HERE.
Are you in an abusive relationship?
Feeling overwhelmed with the challenges in your personal and professional life?
rediffGURU Kanchan Rai, relationship coach and founder of Let Us Talk Foundation, urges you to talk about your problems so you can seek solutions and transform your life.
- You can post your questions to rediffGURU Kanchan Rai HERE.
Anonymous: I got married three months ago.
During courtship period, my ex was in my office but my marriage wasn't fixed properly but then when it got yesses from both sides, I changed my office but I couldn't tell this to my husband.
Also, I lied about my virginity.
He was also not a virgin and, after marriage, I confessed all this. Now he is not forgiving me for my dishonesty and not letting me come home. Also, he abuse me verbally, slapped me.
I also feel like cheated for not letting me know this side of him before marriage.
How should I go ahead?
I'm truly sorry to hear about the difficulties you're facing in your new marriage.
It's concerning to hear that you're experiencing verbal abuse and physical violence from your husband. No one deserves to be treated this way, and it's important to prioritise your safety and well-being.
First and foremost, if you are in immediate danger or feel unsafe, please reach out to local authorities or a trusted friend or family member for support. Your safety is paramount.
In terms of next steps, it's essential to seek support and assistance from professionals who can help you navigate this situation. Consider reaching out to a therapist or counsellor who specialises in relationships and domestic violence. They can provide you with guidance, support and resources to help you make informed decisions about your next steps.
Additionally, you may want to consider reaching out to organisations or hotlines that specialise in supporting individuals experiencing domestic violence. They can offer confidential support, safety planning and resources to help you leave the abusive situation and rebuild your life.
It's also crucial to recognise that you are not responsible for your husband's abusive behaviour and you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect in your marriage. If your husband is unwilling to seek help or change his behaviour, it may be necessary to consider your options for leaving the relationship to ensure your safety and well-being.
Leaving an abusive relationship can be challenging but you don't have to face it alone. There are people and resources available to support you every step of the way.
Please prioritise your safety and take steps to protect yourself from further harm. You deserve to live a life free from abuse and violence.
Anonymous: Hi I am frustrated due to personal marital problems, old parents, work from home and many more reasons due to monotonous routine.
Please guide me out how to overcome this problem/situation?
Dealing with a combination of personal, family, and work-related stressors can certainly feel overwhelming but there are steps you can take to help overcome these challenges and find balance in your life.
- Prioritise self-care as a crucial part of your daily schedule.
This could involve engaging in activities such as physical exercise, meditation, spending time outdoors, pursuing your favourite hobbies or simply taking a few moments each day to unwind and relax. - Establish clear boundaries between your professional and personal life, especially when you are working remotely.
- Create a dedicated workspace, establish specific work hours and keep open communication with your employer or colleagues regarding your availability. Do not hesitate to seek support from friends, family or a therapist when you need it.
- Talking to someone you trust can help you gain perspective, process your emotions and find solutions to your problems.
If you're experiencing marital problems or feeling overwhelmed by caregiving responsibilities for your elderly parents, it's important to communicate openly and honestly with your loved ones.
Express your feelings, listen to their perspective and work together to find solutions that benefit everyone involved. - Incorporate mindfulness practices into your daily routine to help reduce stress and increase self-awareness.
Techniques such as deep breathing, meditation and mindfulness exercises can help you stay grounded and focused in the present moment. - If you're struggling to cope with your stressors on your own, consider seeking professional help from a therapist or counsellor. They can provide you with personalised support, coping strategies and tools to manage your emotions more effectively.
- Schedule regular breaks throughout your day to rest and recharge. Even short breaks can help reduce mental fatigue, improve concentration and increase productivity.
- Instead of dwelling on things that are out of your control, focus on taking proactive steps to address the issues you can influence. Break tasks down into manageable steps and tackle them one at a time.
- Cultivate a sense of gratitude by focusing on the positive aspects of your life, no matter how small. Keeping a gratitude journal or simply taking a few moments each day to reflect on the things you're thankful for can help shift your perspective and improve your mood.
- Introduce variety into your routine to help break up the monotony and add excitement to your day. Try new activities, explore different hobbies or connect with new people to keep things interesting and stimulating.
Remember, it's okay to ask for help when you need it. Prioritising your own well-being is essential for maintaining balance and resilience in the face of life's challenges.
By implementing these strategies and taking proactive steps to care for yourself, you can overcome adversity and find greater fulfilment and happiness in your daily life.
Rajesh: Good morning I am working in PSU. I exposed a fraud in my company few years ago. Nothing happened to the culprits. Rather they continued to gain elevations and reached to top management.
Well as anticipated, I am being regularly victimised, my opportunities for promotions got spoiled and now working disgracefully.
I suffered a heart attack in my office due to such disgraceful treatment in the workplace.
I even filed a law suit against my no promotion but all this take years and said culprits after enjoying time are retiring or have retired recently.
Suggest me how to overcome this situation which many may be facing as consequences of honesty in our country.
How can I sue these people for mental harassment and loss of time and money in career and life?
I am male, 57 yrs old and left with three years of service. Thanks.
I am truly sorry to hear about the challenges you've faced as a result of exposing fraud in your company.
It's disheartening to hear that you've experienced victimisation and unfair treatment in the workplace, especially considering your dedication to honesty and integrity.
You may feel angry and frustrated about the lack of consequences for those involved in the fraud but it's important to focus on finding ways to overcome the situation and move forward.
Your health and well-being should be your top priority. Make sure you're taking care of yourself physically and emotionally.
Consider seeking support from a therapist or counsellor who can help you cope with the stress and trauma you've experienced.
Continue pursuing legal avenues to seek justice for the mistreatment you've faced in the workplace. While it may be a lengthy process, holding those responsible for the fraud and your mistreatment accountable can provide a sense of closure and vindication.
Keep detailed records of any instances of harassment, discrimination or mistreatment you've experienced in the workplace. This documentation may be valuable evidence if you decide to pursue legal action or file a complaint with the relevant authorities.
Evaluate your career options and consider whether it may be beneficial to seek opportunities outside of your current company. You deserve to work in an environment where you're treated with respect and fairness.
Lean on friends, family members, and colleagues who can offer you support and encouragement during this challenging time.
Remember, you are not alone; having a support network can make a significant difference in your ability to cope with adversity. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, whether it's spending time with loved ones, pursuing hobbies or enjoying nature.
Taking care of yourself emotionally and physically is essential for resilience and well-being. While it's natural to dwell on past injustices, try to focus on the future and what you can control.
Set goals for yourself both personally and professionally and take steps to work towards them. Given that you have three years left of service, consider your retirement plans and whether it may be beneficial to retire early or explore other options for transitioning out of the workforce.
Remember that you have the strength and resilience to overcome this difficult situation. It's not easy but by taking care of yourself, seeking support and exploring your options, you can navigate through this challenging time and find a path forward.
- You can post your questions to rediffGURU Kanchan Rai HERE.
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