'Husband Lies To Avoid Arguments'

Repeated half-truths can make a person feel emotionally unsafe in the long term.
Trust and comfort are key aspects of a healthy marriage, says rediffGURU Ravi Mittal, CEO of the online dating web site Quack Quack and Rebounce, a matrimony platform.

Sometimes the biggest cracks in a relationship is because of a simple lie or a hidden truth.

Trust and comfort are key aspects of a healthy marriage, observes rediffGURU Ravi Mittal, CEO of the online dating website Quack Quack and Rebounce, a matrimony platform.

• You can post your dating and relationship-related questions for rediffGURU Ravi Mittal HERE

Anonymous: My husband often lies about small things just to avoid arguments.
For example, he says he was busy at work when he actually went out with friends.
There are many times when I tell him to remind his mother or talk to her about something, and he forgets. Later, he says he just didn't want to do it.
These may not seem like big things, but they are causing a lot of issues at home.
When I find out from someone else, I become a laughing matter.
Even if he says something, I have to double-check.
I don't trust him anymore. How do I explain this to him?

Dear Anonymous, I understand that your situation can be tiring. It might seem trivial, but when it keeps piling up, it gets emotionally exhausting for the person on the receiving end of it.

Repeated half-truths can make a person feel emotionally unsafe in the long term. Trust and comfort are key aspects of a healthy marriage.

Maybe his intent is not malicious, but he still needs to understand that it is not fair to you.

Here is what I suggest you do: Let him know that the issue is not the small lies, but the feeling they create for you. When you find out the truth from someone else, it embarrasses you and breaks your heart that others know things about your husband that you do not. This pattern makes it difficult for you to trust the things he says.

Along with expressing your emotions, acknowledge his too. See if you react negatively when he says he wants to hang out with friends; I am not blaming you here, but introspection is the only way to understand where this behaviour is stemming from.

Let your husband know that you do not want to turn into a detective trying to decode everything. You want plain honesty.

Clear communication can help a lot. Start from here.

• You can post your dating and relationship-related questions for rediffGURU Ravi Mittal HERE

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