'He Says He's Changed. Should I Go Back To Him?'

Consent, Comfort and Trust are non-negotiables in a relationship, explains rediffGURU Ravi Mittal, CEO, Quack Quack, an online dating Website.

It's hard to let go of someone you love, even when they've hurt you deeply.

You may have trusted him/her, and even forgiven their mistakes.

But betrayal -- be it emotional or physical -- can leave behind irreparable scars.

After you two have parted ways, when your ex comes back into your life, your heart may feel weak again, but your mind... it warns you to stay away.

You may be caught between your love and loyalty for him/her and the need to protect yourself.

Should you forget everything and go back or stand your ground?

rediffGURU Ravi Mittal, a dating coach and CEO of Quack Quack, an online dating website, tells you how to tackle this emotional conflict and make the best decision for your own well being.

• You can post your dating and relationship questions to rediffGURU Ravi Mittal HERE.

Anonymous: My ex and I were in a relation for almost two years. At first everything was alright.
We were so happy. Then he started demanding private videos of me. When I denied, he would get angry and wouldn't talk unless I agreed.
I trusted him blindly and sent a few (videos) as he promised he would delete them at once.
Months later, when I randomly asked if he's still got those videos, he confessed he never deleted them.
I was shattered and my trust was instantly broken. But I loved him so blindly I still didn't have the courage to leave.
I couldn't face my parents after that. I felt like I'd failed them -- the values they taught me. I forgot everything for his happiness.
When I finally got the courage, I broke up. He started calling me a cheater, a girl who played with his feelings, one who got bored of him and a girl who has no respect.
After a while he realised his mistakes.
It's been a year now. I still love him and miss him so much.
I met him randomly once. He looked different. He said my departure has left him so devastated, he wants me back. He says he's changed.
I don't know if I should go back to him or not.
Whenever I talk to him, I forget everything, but the moment the contact goes off, I get panic attacks.
I get reminded of the way he used to touch me without my permission and how he used to force me.
He said he knows many girls who send such videos to their BF. He confessed he still had those videos because he didn't want to lie to me.
I've suffered a lot because of him and I am still not over it. I still don't trust him. But I don't know why my love for him is so blind.
Did I do the right thing by walking away? He is literally begging for another chance.
I used to tell him how uncomfortable his touches and desires made me when we were in a relationship.
I gave him many chances but he didn't care about it.
Now after we broke up he says he's changed a lot. He is more mature now and he says he won't repeat the same mistakes again.
Should I go back to him?
He said we will both regret it if we don't give each other another chance, but I fear relationships now.
My mind says to never trust again but my heart wants him despite what he did to me. Help me!
Should I leave or stay? If I stay, am I putting my mental health at risk again? Because I have heard rereading the same chapter doesn't change the ending.
Help me please. Do I deserve someone better or should I give him a chance again?
Is he worth it? I can’t go through that pain again.
I still feel disgusted about myself, about how I let him cross my boundaries even when I begged not to. What should I do?

Dear Anonymous, I am so sorry that you had to go through all of these alone. It isn't fair.

I can sense how much pain you have been holding for so long.

First of all, I don't want you to blame yourself or feel any shame. You trusted him and shared things.

People in love don't always follow caution. It is not really your fault.

Now, coming to him. He didn't care for consent, comfort or your trust.

All these are very important to build a healthy relationship.

I cannot tell you whether you should give him another chance or not, but if you do, I know you will be extra cautious.

But tell me something, is that how love works?

Would you like to constantly live in fear? Relationships are supposed to be a safe space but do you feel that with him?

Everyone claims they have changed but why did he not delete the videos yet knowing how uncomfortable they make you?

Again, I am not trying to push you toward any decision, but I want you to ask these hard questions to yourself.

I think you know what you want and what you deserve, you are just afraid to admit them because it would mean leaving behind the familiarity that comforts you even if it's toxic.

It's basic human nature. Also, please understand that you deserve the best so please don't settle for anything that feels less than that.

• You can post your dating and relationship questions to rediffGURU Ravi Mittal HERE.

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