'Try to communicate your concerns with your wife.
'If she seems unapologetic or your marriage seems to have hit rock bottom, you always have the option to rethink.'
Has your partner lied or cheated on you?
It is natural to feel hurt and angry.
But if you are in a married or in a committed relationship, how do you manage your emotions and rebuild your trust?
According to rediffGURU Ravi Mittal, CEO, Quack Quack, an online dating website, communicating your concerns to your partner is one way to bridge the differences.
However, if things have been escalated and trust has been compromised repeatedly, here's what he has to say.
- You can post your questions to rediffGURU Ravi Mittal HERE.
Anonymous: I was in a relationship with a girl for 4 years.
I tried many times to leave her, but ultimately I couldn't.
Around April-May, I started distancing myself from her emotionally. I told her that if I ever marry her, I would also have to marry someone of my parents' choice. I was essentially saying that I'd have two marriages.
I started ignoring her intentionally.
At that time, she got a job where she met a new guy -- her team lead.
He proposed marriage to her directly, introduced her to his parents via video call and even had her meet his sister.
I didn't know about this initially. But on the very day I found out, she was meeting his mother.
That day, I went there directly, confronted her, got very angry, even broke her phone and warned the guy as well.
I told him that if he truly wanted to marry her, he should talk to her family properly and bring a formal proposal.
After that, I went to my hometown for six days. During that time, I asked the guy, 'Why do you want to marry someone who is already in a sexual relationship with me?'
Despite knowing everything, he was still interested in her. I realised he was probably just trying to use her and would eventually leave. Eventually, she understood this and blocked him.
However, while I was away, they started talking again secretly. After I came back, they stopped meeting, and she acted as if she was fully committed to me.
But 15 days later, she met him again and had sex with him twice on the same day.
That same night, she had sex with me as well, which made me suspicious. I tried to confirm it with the guy and, eventually, he confessed.
Later, she also admitted it and said it was a mistake and that she thought he would marry her but he ended up leaving her.
I tried to reach him for two days after that, but he had disappeared. He was unreachable.
Later, I ended up marrying her. Now it's been about a month since the marriage.
We have also filed an FIR against that guy. But even now, I cannot mentally move past what happened.
I'm constantly disturbed. I've started smoking again; I had quit two years ago. But now it's gone from 1-2 cigarettes to 5 to 6 daily. I feel lost.
My mind says I should marry someone else, someone my family would approve, because everything I thought was special between me and her, she ended up doing with someone else.
And even now, after two months of marriage, she doesn't seem to show any regret or guilt. She still behaves like she did back then. Nothing has changed.
I thought she would improve after marriage, but it's the same -- daily fights, arguments and instability.
I don't know what to do. I feel stuck, mentally exhausted, betrayed and confused.
I am so sorry that you are going through such a tough time.
Let me start by urging you to stop ruining your health over this.
Now, coming to your main issue, though there is no point in saying this now, your relationship was not solid to begin with; committing even after you wanted to leave your partner was not the right move.
But what's done is done.
Now, all you can do is try to communicate your concerns with your wife.
If she seems unapologetic or your marriage seems to have hit rock bottom, you always have the option to rethink.
A broken marriage is better than being stuck in an unhappy marriage.
Please express your feelings to your wife and have an open conversation about it. And see where things go from there.
- You can post your questions to rediffGURU Ravi Mittal HERE.
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