Love is not something that holds people back; it liberates them and sets them free, says rediffGURU Anu Krishna.
- You can ask rediffGURU Anu Krishna your questions HERE.
Are you struggling to come out of the closet and reveal your sexuality?
How do you rebuild trust in a marital relationship?
What can you do when your family won't accept the person you love?
rediffGURU Anu Krishna is a mind/life coach and NLP trainer with over 18 years of experience in helping people understand and solve their problems.
As the co-founder of Unfear Changemakers, Anu offers expert advice about how you can take charge of your life.
- You can ask rediffGURU Anu Krishna your questions HERE.
Anonymous: Hey, I am a 21-year-old guy and I am bisexual. I was in a live-in relationship with my partner who is a doctor age 27+.
We lived happily for 5-6 months then we got separated cause it was pre-decided that we had to separate in the future.
But eventually, I fell harder for that person. He wants to leave and I just want to stop that person.
We both ended on a bad note.
It's been a year now. He hasn't looked back once, but I can't stop loving him.
Dear Anonymous, both of you had decided much earlier to end it at some point.
It's happened... and your partner kept his end of the promise; do the same and respect what has happened.
Love is not something that holds people back; it liberates them and sets them free. Let it go.
In time, you will heal.
All the best!
Anonymous: Hello, I am 38 years old and married for over 10 years. One year back I discovered about my wife getting involved with another man.
I was shattered as we have two kids. I initially thought of going for divorce but our two kids were always a priority for me and opened up conversation with my wife on what inclined her to take this step. She was shocked that I was aware of her situation.
She then opened up that she felt lonely at times when I was away extremely busy with my office and at times she required emotional support for which I was not there.
I explained her no reason in this world can explain her act. She felt apologetic and I decided to give another chance to our relationship keeping in mind our kids future.
It's now more than a year and our physical/emotional relation have intensified since the incident.
We miss each other when I am away and get into steamy conversations to compensate whenever we are distant.
Despite of this I still cannot take the past out of my mind and at times it disturbs me.
I feel cheap that despite moving ahead in our life's why I still keep bringing the past in between our relationship.
Although I don't discuss any more about the incident with my wife but she can very well sense the reason when I feel disturbed.
I want your help on how to best overcome of such incidents emotionally and rebuild the lost trust with your partner.
Dear Anonymous, Well, it's your control over the way your mind thinks...
If you want to focus on what's happened, then making up and trying to be in the marriage is going to be a difficult proposition. So decide how you want to play this.
Will you train your mind to look forward and rebuild the marriage OR do you wish to keep at what's happened and live in the past? This is your choice to make... Of course, you cannot erase what's happened but you can change the way that you feel about it.
So, first, make that choice.
If you wish to dwell on the past, do know that your relationship will sour sooner than later.
If you wish to move things ahead, then do the following:
- Rebuild the lost trust by spending more time together.
- Every time you slip into the past, remind yourself that you chose to move ahead.
- Create a clear and positive image of how you want your married life to be and play it in your mind several times a day.
These are a few ways of changing the way you think about an incident and teaching you to move ahead more in a focused manner.
Make a choice and stick to it.
All the best!
Anonymous: Hi ma'am. My family is not accepting my boyfriend as he is not well settled and doesn't have any savings.
His parents are divorced and father has a second marriage.
The first children custody is still with parents however my boyfriend and his brother live with his mother.
He is five years younger than me.
My family is not accepting my relationship and showing me new proposals every day.
To borrow some time I am just refusing the proposal by giving some excuses but now they know that I am still not out from him and waiting for him to get settled.
Kindly let me know how can I convince my family to accept my relationship.
My boyfriend is working day and night to get settled and have a good account balance.
Please advise.
Dear Anonymous,
If your daughter came to you with the same situation, how would you advise her?
Would you not tell her your concern that she is actually choosing someone who may not be able to support her when she goes on maternity leave?
Would you not tell her that coming from a broken family, she may have to take care of her boyfriend and possibly parent him on different occasions?
Your parents are only concerned for you and are unable to tell you what they are worried about. Put yourself in their situation and tell me that you will not be worried.
At the same time, I do get your frustration.
What you can do is to work on your parents' concerns and buy time till your boyfriend manages to settle down. And it seems like he is doing all that he can to be in their good books. And that's the only way you can get them to accept him.
Wait patiently and don't put him under pressure.
Instead, be supportive and, at the same time, you continue to work and be independent as well.
Never try to convince someone who does not want to be convinced but instead work on how they can accept him by addressing their concerns.
All the best!
- You can ask rediffGURU Anu Krishna your questions HERE.
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