'Have You Come Clean To Your Wife?'

'It seems you are getting into a mess that's going to take a while for you to get out of!'

It's not unusual to fall in love with a person you spend most of your time with.

It could be a friend you've known for a long time.

A colleague you have worked with.

Or someone you met recently with whom you now share a deep bond.

Things get messy when you develop feelings for someone while you are already in a committed relationship.

rediffGURU Anu Krishna, mind coach, relationship expert and co-founder of Unfear Changemakers, suggests how to draw the line between care and betrayal.

• You can post your relationship-related questions to rediffGURU Anu Krishna HERE.

Vidhan: I have been married for 10 years and have a four-year-old son, with another child expected soon.
About six years ago, I was working with an organisation where I became acquainted with a female colleague during our daily commute.
Our interactions were initially professional, occasionally casual and, over time, we developed a friendly rapport.
There were moments of physical closeness, such as holding hands although she was unaware of my marital status at the time.
After I left that organisation, our communication became infrequent.
During the COVID-19 pandemic, she experienced a medical emergency in her family and it was during that emotionally vulnerable period that I unintentionally expressed my feelings for her.
She is now nearly 40 years old and dealing with multiple health issues, including being overweight and other medical complications.
Although she knows that I care about her, she has not accepted my proposal, fully aware that I am married and unable to commit to a marital relationship with her.
Despite this understanding, she often invites me out for movies, dinners and expects gifts.
Recently, our interactions have involved romantic gestures such as hugging and neck kisses. However, she continues to describe herself as asexual and uninterested in a physical relationship, while also expressing a desire to get married -- which appears contradictory.
She often says she wants to remain friends and doesn't want me to leave her. Still, at the same time, her expectations and emotional dependency are becoming increasingly difficult to manage.
I want to let her know that I'm looking for more than just a friendship because I feel emotionally vulnerable and need her commitment to feel secure.
I believe that building a romantic and physical relationship between us could help her feel more supported.
She's going through a lot and doesn't have much family support aside from her unmarried younger brother.

You are still married and you seem to want another lady to commit to you despite her knowing that you are married.

Get clear in your mind first. Why would anyone want to commit to a married man? What security will she ever feel with you and around you?

Also, have you come clean to your wife about this?

She certainly deserves to know, don't you think?

You feel that building a romantic relationship could make her feel more supported; did she ask you for that support at the cost of you losing your marriage?

Re-evaluate your life and the choices that you are making.

To me, it seems that you are getting into a mess that's going to take a while for you to get out of!

• You can post your relationship-related questions to rediffGURU Anu Krishna HERE.

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