Are Green Flags The New Red Flags?

Beware of constant texting, calling, compliments and planning.
While effort is beautiful and necessary, over-effort is not the same thing as good intention, warns relationship expert Shahzeen Shivdasani.

You spend most of your twenties trying to learn about red flags.

And just when you think you've understood them, you realise that, in today's dating culture, even green flags, or what look like green flags, can actually be red flags in disguise.

How do you navigate this ever-changing landscape and figure out if a relationship is right for you?

Let's take a look at the new kind of red flags you should be watching out for.

These are the warning signs that show up looking like everything you ever wanted.

Love bombing

For women, it's always been rare to find a man who is attractive, emotionally open and actually looking for commitment.

So when they meet someone who's offering all of that, and fast, it's easy to fall for it.

If he is telling you on the second date, 'I’ve never met anyone like you, I think I'm in love,' it feels like a dream.

But is it really love?

Or is it a performance?

Women often get swept up in the fantasy the man is creating -- and so do their friends, who say 'Wow, he's such a green flag!'

But what you're really seeing is intensity disguised as vulnerability.

The question is: Does he even know you yet?

If not, where is all this emotion actually coming from?

Gaslighting

Now let's talk about gaslighting, but in its newer, softer form.

Sometimes, someone takes accountability in a way that seems healthy. They're explaining their past, sharing why they act a certain way and it sounds like they're being self-aware.

But watch closely. Is that honesty or a subtle way of avoiding responsibility?

Manipulation has always been a red flag. But now, it's masked as emotional fluency.

It's easy to confuse over-explaining or justifying their behaviour with emotional growth. But true accountability doesn't talk in circles.

Trauma-dumping

Someone tells you everything -- their childhood trauma, heartbreaks, fears -- all within a week of you knowing them.

You feel special, chosen, trusted. But are they sharing or are they using you as a therapist?

When someone gives you that much emotional information too fast, it creates a false sense of connection.

You may think the bond is deep. But often, all , is fast. And fast isn’t the same as real.

Too much availability

The constant texting, calling, compliments, planning...

While making effort is beautiful and necessary, over-effort is not the same thing as good intention.

If someone is constantly showing up without having a life of their own, for example, and if you become their entire focus overnight, that's not a real connection. That's avoidance.

A healthy person has a life, a routine, a sense of self that doesn't need rescuing or distraction.

At the end of the day, love is always a risk.

We may never be able to perfectly tell the difference between a red flag and a green one.

But what we can do is ask how love makes us feel.

A healthy relationship should feel steady, safe, and supportive. It shouldn’t be chaotic. It shouldn't feel like a fairytale on fire.

So maybe the real green flag isn't intensity or instant chemistry. Maybe it's calm. Maybe it's slow. Maybe it's the kind of love that doesn't need to wave a flag at all; because it already knows it's won.