When we have people around us, we shirk from telling them how we truly feel, and once they are gone, we are filled with regret for not having found the time or the words to communicate what we felt, notes Aarti David.
What does it mean to grow older? Does it mean facing the harsh realities of life?
Does it mean making decisions without having a clue of what the outcome might be?
The recent few weeks have been ridden with news of sad and untimely departures in the circle of family, friends and acquaintances.
And while you find yourself participating in the rituals or being there to support the bereaved. You feel utterly helpless and unable to find the right words to express how you feel.
Seeing so much grief around totally numbs you to the point of becoming blank. I don't know how others in a similar situation react, but that's how I've been feeling lately.
I realise that as you grow older this is a harsh reality that one has to deal with, more often than not. And as much as you may be aware you're never really prepared to come to terms with such situations.
Death and dying are the ultimate reality of human existence and there is, of course, the concept of the afterlife.
Most religions believe that you're born again in another shape or form once you complete the journey of being a human being.
But does it matter what or who we are reborn as post this life?
Shouldn't it matter that we make this life count?
The whole concept of heaven and hell is lopsided. Most of us grow up believing that once we die, some of us reach heaven and are rewarded, while the others who go to hell are punished for their wrongdoings.
Does any of this matter once you are no longer a part of the living world?
The funny thing is that we experience both heaven and hell while we are alive. It's totally up to us which state we choose to exist in.
Of course, it's true, that no one can live in raptures of delight all the time and neither can they be in extreme agony forever.
Life is a balance of both and we grow and as we go through each stage, and each phase of our life.
We spend more than half our life chasing after things that we think would make us happy. And when the time comes, they either lose relevance or we just don't find them that enjoyable anymore.
Isn't it important to cherish the 'here and now', rather than pine for the 'there and then'?
None of us knows what the future holds and there is no definitive date to tell us till when we will be around on this planet. So, it's important to make today count.
Yet most of us spend our lives begrudging others -- sometimes with their knowledge and sometimes without.
Isn't it odd that you may have spent half a lifetime loathing someone while they may have remained blissfully unaware or unaffected?
While you may have been miserable thinking about their misdoings. Life is strange.
When we have people around us, we shirk from telling them how we truly feel, and once they are gone, we are filled with regret for not having found the time or the words to communicate what we felt.
I think it's important to seize the moment and not dwell on what could have been or should have been.
Bad things will happen and people will hurt us or we will allow them to hurt us because of our expectations and belief systems.
I'm not denying that toxicity and negativity exist. But rather than dwelling on others' shortcomings and mistakes, perhaps one should focus on improving oneself and ignore that which doesn't help us lead a better life.
The world is made up of both good and bad and we need to consistently shift our focus toward the good.
Trust me, I'm not at all the overtly optimistic type of individual. But of late I have begun to think differently, I believe it's better to leave the negativity behind and just focus on that which makes you feel better deep inside.
Why not make each day, each moment count? But for that, we need to start with ourselves first.
As the saying goes 'You cannot pour from an empty cup', only when we are happy can we truly make others happy. This doesn't necessarily mean that we have to do something outlandish or revolutionary.
It simply means that we need to find meaning in the way we live and for those we love. So that we feel that we have made a significant contribution to the world.
Even if it were something as simple as being there to support someone by sharing a smile, or offering to help.
I think we lose the smaller moments because we keep looking for bigger opportunities to say and do things. While the little everyday things are what we remember when someone goes away.
All the self-help books and influencers tell us to savour each moment and relax and breathe calmly and not feed into the negativity of others.
But we are prone to be anxious and fear missing out on something because we live in times where everything is so short-lived and each minute is accounted for.
We have forgotten to take things slow and go with the flow. Take risks and make difficult decisions, so you don't regret not doing what your heart desires.
While I was penning my thoughts, I was reminded of Elton John's song The Circle of Life from the movie The Lion King. These lines truly stood out for me:
In the circle of life
It's the wheel of fortune
It's the leap of faith
It's the band of hope
'Til we find our place
On the path unwinding
In the circle, the circle of life
Growing older is a reminder of the endless circle of life, doing without expecting anything in return and letting go of the ego -- going through the motions, the ups and downs, the heartbreaks and the successes, the hope and despair, recentring, renewing and repair.
Feature Presentation: Ashish Narsale/Rediff.com
