Worry -- and how you can combat it

You chew your nails and worry yourself sick. Whether it is a presentation, a date, an exam or an interview -- you always have butterflies whizzing through your stomach, creating havoc.

"Everyone experiences anxiety or worry in their life," says Prachi S Vaish, a practising clinical psychologist at Ruby Hall Clinic, Pune. "We worry when an event is perceived stressful by us and we do not have sufficient resources (material or emotional) to cope with it. The situation, however, can be helped -- once we decide to help ourselves."

Worry overpowers us when we adopt a fatalistic attitude towards life. We tend to attach too much importance to the most trivial task; a failure in achieving even the smallest goal makes us lose confidence. As a result, the next time a bigger task comes up, instead of facing it with enthusiasm, we panic.

Pune-based instructional designer Rahil Mahtani, who is 27 years old, says, "During a stressful situation, I take some time out from my daily routine to visit a calm and quiet place; this clears my head of all the mess and helps me think rationally."

Let's take five scenarios in our lives that can be potential factors for worry...

Work: Looking at greener pastures

Have you noticed a friend/ colleague who cribs about work all the time? Perhaps, he/ she does not have the correct job profile.

This can happen to anyone at any point in life. It isn't easy dealing with the fact that, despite having the qualifications, you're not blessed with the desired career break or are dissatisfied at work. Sometimes, you're overqualified for the job you're in and feel frustrated that your colleagues, who have fewer qualifications, are getting the same package. Or, for that matter, the fact that your batchmates from college are making pots of money in their jobs.
 
Remember, the grass will always be greener on the other side. It's time you took stock of your own life.

"Objectively viewing your life can help you cope with such situations," says Vaish. "Ask yourself why you quit your previous job and be honest with yourself. The reasons could be as basic as poor salary, poor treatment at work, boredom, dislike for your boss, criticism, etc."

Try this

• If you can learn how to take criticism in your stride, it can do wonders for you; consider it to be constructive feedback.
• If you're ill-treated at work, muster the courage to stand up for yourself. It's scary as hell the first time you do it, but then you gain a sense of confidence that will not let anyone walk over you.
• If you're stagnating at work, walk up to your HR manager or your boss and tell him/ her it's time for a project change/ refresher course or even an office picnic.

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Relationships: The achy breaky heart

Love is one of the most complex emotions known to mankind.

We love, get hurt, and yet we fall in love all over again -- proving that we can't escape it. We know things can go wrong in love, for reasons like not receiving enough love in return, gnawing insecurities, feelings of jealousy, betrayal or the fear of getting dumped.

Imagine the worst-case scenario -- getting dumped. Is that the end of the world? Let that teeny-weenie voice inside your head scream "NO!" No relationship is more important than you yourself.

Whenever you depend on others to make you happy, you will be dejected. Work towards feeling secure within yourself. Concentrate on your work, friends and family as well. Do not make that one relationship the centre of your existence.

Try this:

• If you are going through a break-up, try and adopt an attitude of 'whatever happens, happens for the best.' Thank God for this opportunity; at least you did not land up with the wrong person the rest of your life.
• Betrayal is one of the worst things that can happen in a relationship, but then, if you really want to live happily, forgiveness is the key that will help you to move on. In such cases, the person who hurt you is not worth crying over.
• There are more fish in the sea. You're young and have your whole life ahead of you, so don't fret.
• You don't always meet the right person at the first go. In fact, it's better to meet a few wrong people, to know whom to avoid in future. Thank your stars when you finally meet Mr or Miss Right.

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Pre-event jitters: Meeting/ exam/ presentation

When our worry/ anxiety exceeds normal levels, the most common physical reactions are palpitations, headaches, diarrhoea, hyperventilation, dry mouth, excessive sweating and giddiness.

"Although it is normal to experience a slightly faster heartbeat before entering an interview room, it is pathological to have it beat so fast that it feels as if you are having a cardiac arrest," says Vaish.

You know you have crossed the normal level of anxiety/ worry, when worry start interfering in your daily activities and you're unable to perform tasks for the fear that something might go wrong. "This does not have to be deliberate on your part; you might genuinely feel you're sick, nauseous and weak. What is actually happening is that your nervous system is telling you you're very anxious and that's when you use this sickness to escape a seemingly threatening situation," adds Vaish.

Try this

• Calm yourself before an exam or a meeting by doing slow, deep breathing exercises.
• The key is not to panic; once you panic, you will not recall things you already know. 
• Walk into an exam/ meeting telling yourself it IS important, but it is not the end of the world.
• Finally, imagine the worst-case scenario. Think of the preventive and corrective measures you can adopt to ensure that such a situation does not actually take place. For example, while studying for an exam, keep in mind the worst thing that can happen to you -- failure. The corrective measure to adopt would be to autosuggest you can do well. This will help you study harder and pass the exam.

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Low self esteem: I'm not good enough

Underperformance in academics or sports, your looks, weight, family background, mental makeup, etc, can be culprits when it comes to low self-esteem.

Sometimes, even failure in love can lead to low self-esteem. When the so-called 'perfect' man/ woman walks out on you, it leaves you with a feeling that you're not worth it.

For the lower age group, even basic factors like low marks in class, not having many friends to hang out with, not having trendy clothes to wear, or having to wear spectacles can lead to low self-esteem.

Try this

• Think about it -- is what has happened so important that you should lose your self-esteem? For example, if you think you're not smart enough, there is no harm in joining a personality development course or a finishing school. Take up productive methods to boost that low self-esteem.
• Disciplines like yoga and meditation can help you channelise your energies and thoughts towards something more positive and productive.
• Set smaller and short-term goals that gradually lead to a bigger goal. For example, if you want to lose weight, set a target of losing at least one kilo a month so that you will lose at least 12 kilos in a year. Or, learn something new, like a new language for example. This will not only help you stay focused; it will also boost your confidence when it comes to achieving new goals in life.
• Being organised and focused helps you plan your tasks well and finish them on time. It also helps stop procrastination.
• Remember, it's really okay to make mistakes.
• Focus on hobbies/ activities you're good at and develop them further, be it painting, dancing, or singing. Not everyone is blessed with such talents.

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Poor health: When your body fails...

Chronic health problems like asthma, allergy, etc, can pull you down. You may worry about what is actually wrong with you. Things tend to get to you when you can't go out and enjoy life the way others do. But the truth is -- every worry has a solution.

Try this

• Vaish says, "Firstly, the cause and depth of your health problem can be determined by finding a good physician/ specialist for a second opinion on the treatment you've been getting."
• Getting a second opinion not only ensures a correct diagnosis; it infuses you with fresh hope and helps you build up psychological strength to fight the ailments.
• Once you start feeling better physically with new medication, you can improve your morale further by listing all the improvements you have personally managed to achieve lately.
• Start an exercise/ yoga/ meditation regime. As soon as you wake up every day, tell yourself you will be healthy and happy today. Affirmations can help in changing situations for the better.

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