Are you happy?
When I was asked this question a year ago, I have to admit I was taken aback.
But close friends have an unwritten right to ask such questions. And, yes, it was a close friend who put me in this dilemma.
I thought for a while and replied in the affirmative. At least, I had no reason to be sad.
He, on the other hand, was not satisfied and asked me another question: Are you content?
Why should I not be? I earn well, have a great family, am happy at my job and have a roof over my head.
"Then why don't you lend me Rs 15,000?"
This one flabbergasted me. It was not so much the fact that my friend wanted money; it was the way he made his request.
Seeing the shock on my face, he went on to explain.
His issue
My friend, let's call him Amit, had obviously run into some financial hurdles, thanks to some silly decisions he had taken.
Without informing his father, he had managed to mortgage the family car and get a loan of Rs 70,000.
His intention: to start a business.
His dream: to make a lot of money, repay his loan and continue making a lot of money.
Unfortunately, his dream had turned into a nightmare.
He was not making enough money but was paying Rs 4,000 every month towards his loan. And, for the last three months, he could not cough up enough money to make the payment to the bank.
The result: the bank took away his car.
Now, he was in debt, he had lost the car and he had an increasingly irritated father to deal with.
His apparent solution
Amit was having a tough time stalling his father. After all, how long can you lie to your dad about the car being at a friend's place because of a flat tire?
He told me he managed to borrow Rs 55,000 from friends and relatives and was now falling short of only Rs 15,000.
If I could help him on that front, he would be able to recover the car the very next day.
Should I?
Frankly, I could not think straight.
If your childhood buddy asks you for a loan, how can you refuse? After all, what are friends for? More importantly, what is money for?
What if I was in his place? What if I needed money badly? How would I feel about him if he could lend me the money but did not want to do so?
Well, I reasoned, he did promise to return it to me in three months. That was not too bad. And if he could not, would that be alright? Would our friendship withstand this act of his?
If I did not lend him the money, would our friendship continue to remain as strong?
Or should I not?
The cynic in me made me wonder if he was taking me for a ride.
The critic in me could not help but wonder what made him commit such a grievous practical and ethical error.
Moreover, he did not have a job. How was he going to repay me and all those other relatives and friends?
I made up my mind
I threw all reason out of the window and decided to go with my emotions.
The good memories we shared clouded my mind -- especially the ones where one would pay for the other when the other's pocket money ran dry.
I called him and said he could pick up the money in the morning.
Happy ending?
Afraid not!
Once he got the car back, he had no intention of repaying the debt. And he knew I would never raise his issue with his father. I met him often and he assured me every time that he would return my money.
Then, suddenly, he dropped out of sight.
No calls. No smses. No e-mails.
He just disappeared.
When I dropped in at his place, his parents told me he leaves early and returns really late.
When I tried to call, his cell phone was switched off.
When I called his home, he was never there.
Six months later...
Fate smiled at me and I bumped into him six months later.
My wife was admitted into hospital and I needed the money.
He told me he could not pay up immediately but would surely do so within six months.
It is now two years since that incident. And -- you guessed right -- I have not heard from him.
On and off, he has driven right past me in his car with his girlfriend, conveniently ignoring me.
I have written the money off. And the friendship.
Not only did I lose Rs 15,000; I also lost a friend.
My advice to you
If your friend ever asks you for money, take this reality check:
~ Be sure you have the amount of money to spare and you don't need those funds.
~ You must be willing to write off this amount (or at least part of it) as a gift.
~ Ask him/ her how he plans to repay you and when the repayment will be done.
~ Will not lending the amount cause a rift in your friendship?
~ Will lending the amount cause a rift in your family?
Having said that, always remember -- when you lend money to a friend, there is tremendous togetherness and bonding at stake. You will find it very difficult to make a rational and practical decision.
Now tell me reader, what would you do if you were in my place? Would you too have lent the money? Would you try to get it back? I would love to hear from you!
Illustration: Dominic Xavier
