'How else could I be with Santosh?'

Colonel Santosh Mahadik died during an operation in Kupwara last year.
His wife Swati says joining the Indian Army allows her to keep his memory alive.
Nikita Puri reports.

Last November, the town of Satara in Maharashtra witnessed the cremation of Santosh Mahadik of 41 Rashtriya Rifles (Maratha Light Infantry), a colonel who was mortally shot during an operation in Kupwara, Kashmir.

Among the hundreds present during the 21-gun salute were his wife and two children.

Shortly after that, the country was abuzz with the story that his widow Swati Mahadik wanted to join the Indian Army.

Barely two months after the funeral, Mahadik joined Apex Careers, Pune, to prepare for the Services Selection Board examination: She cleared the exam and the only concession she was given was relaxation of age limit -- she is 37.

Mahadik, who is all set to join the Officer's Training Academy in Chennai next month, is "a very determined lady," says Pradeep Brahmankar, retired army man and director, Apex Careers, Pune.

"She'll do well as an officer. Mentally, she's totally fit and I believe she's working on her physical fitness now," he adds.

In Satara for a few days, Mahadik's voice over the phone is clear and courteous. "I've started working with a fitness coach. I used to go for walks earlier, but now he's also got me jogging. He puts on Bipasha Basu's CDs and gets me to do aerobics," says Mahadik.

There's laughter in her voice, so is confidence.

"I've also been doing yoga and Zumba. Let's see how it works out."

Qualifying for the army has given her no real happiness, she says, only a sense of purpose.

"It just feels like I've finished one task and am moving on to another. But at least, I have something to look forward to; at least I know what I'll be doing tomorrow."

While her 11-year-old daughter Kartikee is old enough to understand, her son Swaraj doesn'; both are currently in boarding schools. "Swaraj is only six and he thinks he can be with his aai (Marathi for mother) if he studies well; a child who'd never study now brings his books to me on his own," says Mahadik.

While Kartikee can choose if she wants to continue in the boarding school after Mahadik finishes training, Swaraj, she adds, will live with her because he's very young.

When Mahadik was in her first year of college, Santosh was finishing his last year. "When he came with his family to see me, he asked if I was the same person who'd come to college wearing a pony tail," says Mahadik. "He then told me that he'd see me when I came for my 10 am classes; he told me he had had a crush on me."

They were married for over 12 years. "You know," she says, "he was so lucky, he got whatever he wanted. He found a wife in his college crush, he even found the kind of maut (death) he wanted."

She has a master's degree in social work, a diploma in special education with a focus on autism and has worked as a special educator too.

Was a change of career, a complete revision of lifestyle and a test of mental and physical fitness to join the army really needed?

"I didn't have a choice about joining the army," says Mahadik, "How else could I be with Santosh? How else could I feel him around me? He will not come to my school; I had to come to his uniform."