Helplessness, anger and frustration were some of the feelings stifling me ever since the world's big bully decided to change the world order. I didn't know how to give vent. Each day made me more and more furious and disillusioned.
Angry outbursts to friends and family did not in anyway help me alleviate the bitterness I felt. That was when my journalist-friend Papri told me about a candlelight anti-war demonstration her husband Sriraman, who heads the Movement against Nuclear Weapons, was organising in our city Chennai with the People's Union for Civil Liberty, Movement for People's Unity and Tamil Nadu Science Forum.
I thought I was finally getting a platform to air my protest.
We were to assemble at 7 pm near the Gandhi statue on Marina Beach . Perhaps I was a fool to expect lots and lots of people in and around the venue well before time, though I had been warned to the contrary by a cynical retired defense official earlier that evening.
He spoke from experience, he said. In the 80s, an army captain from Chennai had lost his life in the Indian Peace-Keeping Force operations in Sri Lanka. His body was brought home on Diwali day, when the whole city was celebrating.
"His neighbour was bursting crackers," the defense officer said. "It is not that no one in the city knew about the arrival of his body. It was splashed over all newspapers. [But] in a city people are heartless, selfish and uncaring! If they cannot share the grief of their neighbour, how do you expect them to share the grief of a country which is so far away?
Still, I was hopeful.
There were hundreds of people on the beach. No, they had not come to participate in the demonstration; they were just enjoying the cool evening breeze.
Lovebirds sat oblivious to everything. Children who came with their parents ran around playing while some others sold peanuts and flowers. There were people out walking, and, of course, there were those who just sat quietly with eyes glued to the huge screen that was set on the beach mainly to show cricket matches. A Tamil serial was being shown then.
At the foot of the Gandhi statue stood less than 30 people carrying banners condemning the US action. At 7 pm, we were given candles. In the sea breeze, we found it difficult to even light the candle let alone keep it lit. Perhaps nature itself had accepted defeat!
For one whole hour, we stood there holding the candles and shouting slogans. As a person who grew up in Kerala listening to slogans all the time, I did not believe in slogans. So I preferred to protest silently.
I felt extremely disappointed when only two people joined our group. Both were tourists, one from the United States, the other an Asian.
There were hundreds of people on the Marina beach, and if they had come forward to light a candle, what a show of solidarity it would have been! The retired defense personnel was right after all.
Our candles could not light up the sky but a few hours after that, the skies of Baghdad were lit by bombs and missiles fired by the US and British forces.
Unfortunately, we the peace-loving citizens of the world are helpless in front of the might of bombs and missiles.
Illustration: Uttam Ghosh