What if SRK starred in The Revenant?

Oh, how different the film would be!

Will Leo finally walk away with an Oscar for his gritty portrayal in The Revenant this year?

While we keenly look forward to the much awaited, meme-ed moment to make history on February 29, a wild thought popped in our head.

Imagine Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu's acclaimed creation, relating the survival of a seemingly indestructible mountain man battling bears, betrayals and brutal wounds, with SRK in the lead?

Now, now, stop choking on your coffee.

Obviously, it's hypothetical, and unlikely that Alejandro will be hotfooting it to Mannat any time soon.

Still, humour us, if this indeed was the case, how would SRK and his never-say-die spirit react to the crazy challenges Leo endures as Hugh Glass in the movie?

We mulled over the scenario and here are some strictly-for-fun possibilities.

 

While Leo's famous bear fight sequence nearly killed him (spoiler alert, sorry!), things need not get so hostile with SRK around. We've have ample faith in his dimpled charms. If a cowbell could do the trick, imagine what a rose will?

Why turn grumpy bear into care bear, of course.

Hey, this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

 

 

More power to bear hugs! Right King Khan?

 

And because 'pyar dosti hai,' the Baazigar would go any lengths to protect the prized friendship band the bear gifted him.

 

Leo eating bison liver left many sick to the stomach.

SRK can gorge on icky too.

Remember the time he infamously wolfed down a plate of noodles with dahi?

A vegetarian fur-trapper, beat that Hollywood?

 

Whereas Leo wrapped himself in layers of animal fur, there's no amount of harsh climate SRK can't handle lest we forget how c-c-c-cool he is.

 

Few can outclass the ham in him.

SRK's blood-faced, volatile outbursts seething in rage and revenge will make you forget all about DiCaprio 'stretching his acting muscles' to the hilt.

 

We don't want to give away any spoilers; lets just say SRK's presence would result in a very, VERY, different film.

 

Chances are they'd even change the title to The Romantic instead.

The Revenant is not for the weak-hearted. In one scene, Leo spends the night inside a horse carcass he unthinkingly scooped out empty.

Given the censorship laws in this country, SRK can at best throttle a dummy, defiant, steed tick marking the magical realism element in Inarritu's story.

 

There's a line Hugh Glass says in The Revenant, 'As long as you can still grab a breath, you fight. You breathe, keep breathing.'

Perfect fit for SRK's poetry in Jab Tak Hai Jaan, no?

We thank Tapas Shankar Gaur for his Photoshop skills!

Disclaimer: This is a satirical piece. Readers are requested to take the content with a large pinch of salt.