'Why Must I Put My Head On A Chopper?'

'Once in a while, I flirt with the idea of direction.'
'If I direct, it will be a human story that touches me.'
'I'm nervous of forcing myself into making a socially relevant film.'

Shabana Azmi remains modest and refreshing even at 74.

The hugely talented actor, who has so many awards under her belt, attributes her achievements to being at the right place at the right time.

Acting is, of course, her passion.

On her birthday on September 18, the acting legend tells Subhash K Jha, "What I've done so far as an actor is like a writer learning the alphabet... What's thrilling is that the thrill of acting has still not gone. I feel the same butterflies in the stomach when I have to inhabit a character's life."

74, and still India's finest actress?

Please, itni taarif ki koi zaroorat nahin.

I don't want to get my head swollen at this stage of life.

It is very important to be level-headed about one's achievements, and not get carried away.

Do you see yourself as an achiever?

I see myself as an actor who has been lucky enough to be at the right place at the right time.

I've heard that one before.

But it's true. I've been singularly lucky.

What I've done so far as an actor is like a writer learning the alphabet.

I think I've just achieved the minimum required of an actor.

What's thrilling is that the thrill of acting has still not gone. I feel the same butterflies in the stomach when I have to inhabit a character's life.

I see myself peeping through this window and wondering, 'Shall I enter?'

Then I see myself half-opening a door and telling myself, 'No, not yet.

That process of getting into character hasn't ceased to excite me.

You sound so charged even now.

Acting is a rewarding profession. It allows you to inhabit other people's lives.

Imagine how much it adds to your experiences.

When for Ankur, the 20-year old Shabana Azmi walked into a village in Andhra Pradesh she had never seen, to play Laxmi, she came back with Laxmi's life in addition to her own life.

You are lucky to get roles that do justice to your talent.

But film-making is such a collaborative business.

A writer writes it and a director develops the vision and takes on a team he wants.

Actors get credit above the rest because theirs is the most visible work.

In their hearts, all actors know that others are covering up their weakness and highlighting their strengths.

Imagine if I give my best shot and the cameraman lights it up badly or the editor cuts it out!

Whereas in theatre, an actor is on his own, no matter how much they are propped by the director and others.

No one can save you when you are on stage.

In that sense, theatre is more an actor's medium. If you have good actors as co-stars, 50 percent of your work is done. Because you're looking into the eyes of someone who is telling you the truth.

I'm constantly grateful for the hundreds of people on the set who help me to do my best work possible.

When are you directing a film?

It's so easy being an actor, why should I put my head on the chopper?

Mahesh Bhatt had once told me, direction is about having a dream and then watching it crumble.

Why should I watch my dream crumble?

Once in a while, I flirt with the idea of direction. I have to find a story I want to direct. And I don't want the burden of (in a mock baritone) this must be a socially responsible film.

That burden I can't bear.

If I direct, it will be a human story that touches me. I'm nervous of forcing myself into making a socially relevant film.

Will you cast yourself?

Impossible!

Whom would you cast?

Someone like Kareena Kapoor or Alia Bhatt.

Kareena is a very special girl. In J P Dutta's LOC, I fell in love with a shot of hers. She stunned me.

You look radiant even at 74. Why do older women go for cosmetic makeovers instead of aging gracefully?

It's an individual choice.

If there are women who can afford it and they feel good about it, why not?

There are no rigid rules about life. In the film industry, such makeovers are justifiable because it's all about the way you look.

You've achieved way beyond our expectations. What about yours?

I never planned anything. Besides, achievement is a very subjective concept.

I've done whatever I've been compelled to do, and I've done it to the best of my abilities.

If I've been recognised or honoured for what I've done, those are bonuses.

Naseeruddin Shah told me that you believe actors work consciously towards getting awards.

Naseer feels actors shouldn't be conscious of the fact they may win an award.

But actors, at the end of it all, are actors.

How can they be completely impervious of the end result of their performances?

Did awards become addictive for you?

Not at all. The awards happened because those films happened to me at the right time.

Those films were served to me on a platter and I'm grateful for them.

In the last 10 years, I find myself more and more at the right place at the right time. The parts that have come my way recently were unimaginable earlier for an actress my age.

Did anyone think 10 years ago that actresses in our films would get such roles?

Ten years ago, it was pack up for heroines at 30. All you could do was hold a thali in a white sari.

Today, I can play my age.

I abhor the thought of playing a younger woman.

The camera doesn't lie. Any attempt not to look your age is pathetic on screen.

We don't have proper facilities to look older either.

Thank God, we're playing our age. Whether it's Amitabh Bachchan or any of us, we are not made to play younger people.

Look at poor Nirupa Roy. She got substantial roles but at the age of 30, they made her put grey in her hair.

Achala Sachdev was all of 16 when she played 60!

She quit because she got nightmares about dropping a thali and screaming, 'Nahin!!'

Do you miss not being a mother?

Not really. There was a point in my life when I was deeply shocked that I couldn't be a mother because I took it for granted that everything normal would happen to me.

But that period quickly vanished.

I must thank Honey (Javed Akhtar's first wife) for being so gracious and sharing her children with me.

Farhan and Zoya are my children. I feel very proud of them.

On the other hand, I feel it's wrong for women to be made to feel incomplete just because they are not mothers.

Just like my character in Deepa Mehta's Fire.

Because I was involved in so many other areas of life and so many productive activities, I wasn't judged for not being a mother. There was no pressure on me for not having children.

But I'm sure it would have been wonderful to have children.

And yes, I've never had time for any regrets.

No regrets at all?

Only one. Please Subhash, mujhe khana pakana sikha do. If I knew how to cook, hum honge kamyaab.