'I Still Have Dreams Of Being A Mother'

'I don't think it's too late.'

Samantha plays little Kashvi Majmundar's mother so naturally in Raj-DK's Citadel: Honey Bunny that one wonders if she wanted to be a mother in real life too.

"I don't think it's too late," Samantha tells Subhash K Jha.

"I still have dreams of being a mother and yeah of course, I would love to be a mother. I actually treated Kashvi like an adult, like an equal. We didn't do any child talk; she's a very smart girl.

"I haven't seen such kind of talent that she displayed, like crying on cue. She had unbelievable empathy. She was able to understand what we were telling her, she was so quick. I think she's the best part of the series."

Have the blows of life made Samantha stronger?

"People say that when you go through hardships, you become bitter and cynical. But honestly, the opposite is true for me. Sometimes you can evolve through life's blows and you can evolve quicker than you would ever have with only successes and an easy life. I am calmer now, sorted and don't easily stress anymore. I never thought that this day would come.

"Even before release, I was actually pretty calm and that's not my personality," she adds.

"I freak out about every single thing and then about the response and go looking for the negativity. But this time, I sense a lot of calm and a lot of change in me. I am quite surprised by myself.

"It has to do with growing up, maturing and understanding that everything is not in your control. You have to do your best with what life throws at you. I'm surrounded by wonderful people, who inspire me every day. I'm happy to be on set with such talented film-makers and co-stars, so I'm in a very good phase in life. I'm genuinely happy and feel blessed to have the opportunity to live every day to the fullest."

Samantha has been getting a lot of praise for her work in Citadel, but she's cautious about the success.

"I don't want to get lazy and relaxed in that feeling of success. I'd rather move on to the next challenge. I'm taking my time to soak it in," she says.

"The fact that I was able to finish Citadel was a success for me. Today, to get this kind of appreciation, where no one is really pointing out that she wasn't convincing and which I was really scared of... I learnt all my action on set. I didn't have time to prep for this role, so I was scared that I wouldn't do justice to it. But I think 90 percent of the comments have been positive, so this means a lot."

Samantha's medical condition has improved.

"I haven't gone into remission, but the episodes don't happen too often," she says.

"Before it was a lot more to deal with, but now, it is easier. I know when it's coming, so I'm better prepared. But I'm a lot better.

"I thought about this when I was sick and would ask myself, why me. But now, I wouldn't have it any other way because I'm proud of my resilience. I've never said I'm proud of myself; I have always been uncomfortable with compliments. I used to be filled with self-doubt and insecurities.

"For me to be able to stand here today and tell you that I am proud of myself has taken a lot. I don't think I would have been able to get here without everything that life threw at me."