Zanjeer was never a particularly great film. Sure, it had Amitabh Bachchan at his most primal, all flammable eyes and sincerely-furious baritone.
And it had Pran, who brought dignity and warmth to the proceedings. It had dialogue that seared the ear, forged hot by master blacksmiths Salim-Javed. And, like all Prakash Mehra films, the music was sensational. These are what makes it a film we can watch over and over and over, with considerable awe.
The new Zanjeer, directed by Apoorva Lakhia, has none of these things. Least of all the hero.
Ram Charan makes his Hindi film debut with this Bachchan remake, and my heart goes out to his fans who will have to sit through this tediously trashy film.
To paraphrase an unforgettable Indian movie character who shares a name with this new hero: Teja tum ho, marks idhar hain -- alas, it isn’t anywhere close to a passing grade, son. You shouldn’t have bloody tried.
The writing is bafflingly bad. “Investigations start karo,” says the hero, a second before cops start whacking everyone in sight. At some point a character launches into a bizarre tirade against the Discovery Channel, which is apparently the channel of choice for the car-thieves demographic. A bawdy joke clearly written in English about one’s, um, “member” is translated sloppily into “mere mehmaan”, and is soon followed up by an offensively bad fellatio joke.
And yet all this excruciating slop is preferable to when they use the original lines.
Because they go right ahead and do their take on that most iconic of scenes, the one where Amitabh Bachchan kicks the chair out from under Pran and -- words scorching, eyes blazing -- ordering him to stay standing, informs him what a police station is not.
Making Ram Charan play out this scene with Sanjay Dutt as Sher Khan is a brazenly stupid move, as if the makers of this enterprise lost all interest and decided to flaunt their utter incompetence with fanfare.
Dutt ambles toward a chair, and Ram -- who stares at it before kicking it -- does so with a perfunctory scowl, the kind reserved for hanging up the phone after a wrong number. The chair itself is an office chair with wheels, so instead of flying violently across the station, this too perambulates blithely out of the screen. It’s all casually catastrophic.
The words “Sanjay Dutt as Sher Khan” might have struck fear into some of your hearts, and I’m here to reassure you that the result is exactly as woebegone as it sounds. Dutt sleepwalks through Pran’s iconic role, looking demented during the Yaari hai imaan dance
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