Days after the death of her grandmother -- the legendary Suchitra Sen -- Raima Sen is confused about her feelings of grief and guilt.
“Why am I feeling so empty and guilty? I think I should have spent more time with my grandmom. My mother (Moon Moon Sen), my sister (Riya Sen) and I are the only family she had, the only people she wanted to connect with. We felt responsible towards her. It’s a terrible loss.”
Recalling Sen’s last days, Raima says, “She was conscious of her condition in hospital. But none of us thought she would go away. Her health didn’t seem so bad. She was chatting, asking about how her home was doing in her absence...We would bring her ghar ka khana in the hospital. She would eat it cautiously. She ate the hospital food as well.”
Raima says her mother, the rebellious Moon Moon Sen, is shattered.
“I really don’t know what my mother will do without my grandmother now. They were one another’s universe. To my mother, her mother mattered the most. They have always been together. Riya and I have our lives but for our mom, her mother was her universe.”
Raima admits Suchitra Sen and Moon Moon Sen were very different from one another. “It’s very surprising how different they were and yet they understood one another completely. My grandmother and mother were best friends. It was very difficult for my grandmother when my mother got married and moved out of her home and had her own family.”
Raima has been living in Kolkata attending to the ailing Suchitra Sen for more than a month and says the flow of guests has given the family little time to grieve.
“After the cremation, there has been an incessant flow of guests to the house. It’s only now that I realise what my grandmother meant for the people of Bengal. Instead of dealing with our grief, we are coping with the flow of visitors. The enormity of the loss hasn’t really begun to sink in. It will happen when we are alone.”
In her childhood, she knew nothing about the legendary aura surrounding her grandmother. “When Riya and I were kids, grandma had already given up films and public life. So we only knew her as our grandmother and not as this iconic star until the time we became actresses ourselves. It was only then that we realised what a huge reputation our grandmother had.”
Suchitra Sen lived a retired and secluded life after she left films. “She took a decision to stay out of public view and she stuck to it. It’s easy to withdraw from the limelight, but difficult to resist coming back to it. After some time, the retired celebrity begins to miss the attention, the work and trappings of stardom. Not my Grandmother. Once she made up her mind, she stayed away.”
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