Loveyatri review: A lousy movie by any name is still a lousy movie

'The whole point of this idiotic movie hinges on whether Aayush Sharma who wants to act can act. Unless a singular dazed expression qualifies as talent, not by a long shot,' says Sukanya Verma.

The whole point of LoveYatri is Salman Khan has a brother-in-law who wants to act.

And if 'Bhai' can do the needful for out-of-work actors and aspiring star kids, he surely won't ignore his brother-in-law.

The superstar's generosity and Aayush Sharma's good fortune may have brought about LoveYatri's existence but it doesn't translate into a credible movie.

Set in Vadodara, LoveYatri begins with the mandatory 'Kem Cho' lines and culture overkill in an overdone production design that cannot tell between a house and emporium.

As the jarring tone gathers momentum we are next treated to Aayush's timeworn Bollywood star son entry.

Healthy hair growth? Check.

Six-pack physique? Check.

Dance demo? Check.

Aayush Sharma plays a chap named Susu, which is perhaps what the movie should have changed its name to from Loveratri if honest movie title counts for anything.

He's a garba dancer and teacher who dreams of setting up an academy in his town when not loafing around with his cronies.

And because he's no Tiger Shroff on the dance floor, we never take those aspirations too seriously.

During Navratri time, Susu's eyes meet London girl Michelle (Warina Hussain) and he develops wings of desire, quite literally, in a scene that could only make sense in a stoner flick.

She's a desi at heart whose philanthropic ways are just one Being Human T-shirt away from self-plugging.

Meanwhile, the done-to-death ideas occupying Susu's uncle's imagination (Ram Kapoor) orchestrate a romance so predictable you could go off to sleep only to wake up and witness the dandiya is still on just the venue has shifted.

Colourful mirror work costumes and chartbusters of the season take over the scene as the duo bonds over dandiya and dabeli. If only blandness could be camouflaged so easily.

Their dull attraction is made worse by adding complications without which this bore would wrap up in half an hour. But these dimwits are just too duh to open their mouth.

LoveYatri's laziness doesn't extend to its banal writing, but actors too. It has a cast full of people who need to act but cannot and people who can but are not.

The usually dependable package of Ram Kapoor and Ronit Roy seem to have taken some secret oath to ham like there's no tomorrow.

Kapoor spews gyaan like love is a SIM card that fits any phone -- cheap or steep and Roy stands in for the disapproving daddy running a laundry chain called Lord of the Rinse.

In LoveYatri, a UK visa can be attained by doing a garba, London Business Academy is the sort of prestigious institution where geeks zoom off on a hover board in sports bra and micro shorts in the middle of fall and people are jobless enough to tolerate Ram Kapoor's drunk salute to the Khans.

The whole point of this idiotic movie hinges on whether Aayush Sharma who wants to act can act. Unless a singular dazed expression qualifies as talent, not by a long shot.

There's more effort gone in setting his hair than his ability to emote. His pretty co-star Warina complements his vacuousness in equal measure.

Bottomline: LoveRatri or LoveYatri, a lousy movie by any name is still a lousy movie.