'I Welcome Pain. It Helps Me Grow'

'I don't know of any happy moment in my life which has helped me to grow, whereas pain has always been a means to evolve.'

Rekha remains an enigma even today.

Her past interviews remain relevant, as they reveal her deeper layers.

In this earlier interview with Subhash K Jha, Rekha says, "I never thought I'd be home alone, with all my sisters married and gone. I never thought I'd not have my own family, my own children."

Why do you think of yourself as a loner?

It's a word.

It means I spend most my time on my own. Going by my nature, it's the most comfortable situation to be in.

Think of all the time I get to reason out things, not analyze situations, that's such a waste of time.

I never thought I'd be home alone, with all my sisters married and gone.

I never thought I'd not have my own family, my own children.

Do you miss having children?

Not any more. Even if I find the ultimate man to have babies with, it would be very unfair to my priorities.

I can't be there for just one human being in the world. Because if I have a baby, I won't be able to focus on anything else.

Then what happens to the babies all over the world with whom I'm connected?

If you have the power to be Rekha, then you better be prepared to reach out to anyone who wants to reach out to you.

What about a man?

If I had a man, I'd be devoting all my attention to that one person.

I'm an extremely uni-focus person. Main unka bed bhi banaoongi.

I'll take out his clothes, personally monitor his menu, prepare the dabba and personally deliver it to him.

I don't think I am capable of enjoying the best of both worlds.

I can't deprive the other world of fans and admirers just for that narrow world of a family.

Maybe I'm being unreal and impractical. But I'm not in denial.

If I find someone who's willing to share me with my fans, I might change my mind.

Aging, illness, loss of beauty. Have these topics begun to bother you?

If I let these thoughts affect me, I wouldn't be able to be creative.

I'm petrified of falling ill and going to the hospital.

Because when you're lying there helplessly in bed, you have no control over what decisions are taken about your body.

Disasters are a part and parcel of life. I cannot avoid them.

But when a catastrophe happens, I'd like to see it as a signal to go into another phase of my life.

So in a silly, masochistic way, I welcome pain. It helps me grow.

So pain is a good way to grow?

It's the only way I know. I don't know of any happy moment in my life which has helped me to grow, whereas pain has always been a means to evolve.

I don't consider happiness a solid emotion.

Pain, to me, is the norm.

Happiness is momentary.

That doesn't mean I'm not appreciative of the blessings that have been bestowed on me.

And it isn't as if I choose to embrace pain. It just finds its way into my system from various sources.

As an actor, I'm constantly in pain, dancing on hot tar roads, singing in a chiffon sari on the snow, getting drenched in dirty rain water.

Of course, my mother was an actress, and she knew what I was getting into.

I knew if I have to fall off a horse, I just have to get up and give my shot.

In fact, you have fallen off a horse during K C Bokadia's film Phool Bane Angaaray in 1991.

That was only one of the accidents.

What about the umpteen number of times I've been electrocuted in a rain sequence?

It has happened during so many films, including Judaai.

I can write a book on Rekha & The Disaster Zone.

So are you disaster-prone?

No. I'm celebration-prone. There's nothing in my life that I don't celebrate.

Don't you crave to do normal things?

My life is so much more fun than doing normal things.

My definition of fun is very different.

I don't think anyone else can share my idea of fun. I stopped celebrating my birthday with a cake in 1974.

Even before that, I used to hate it.

As a kid, I hated birthday parties. I'm not too comfortable in crowds.

And yet, you're watched all the time!

I'm blessed to have so much attention in one lifetime. People feel I'm this spontaneous bindaas girl with an opinion on so many topics.

Maybe I become giggly in public to cover my shyness.

I'm very comfortable with nature. But when it comes to the human jungle, I feel raw and vulnerable.

I believe you've always done your own makeup.

Always. Not even Mickey Contractor, whom I adore, has done my makeup.

Pataa nahin unkey haath kaapne lagte hain.

I really wish someone would come forward and take over the responsibility for my clothes, makeup and styling.

I envy stars who have people to do everything, from hair to dialogues.

Yahan to khud hi dialogue likhna padta hai, angles sochna padta hai.

Nowadays, I get films where I have to think about the sets, co-stars, etc.

Do you like the trend of re-makes?

Why not? It's an intriguing phase.

But if someone comes to me and says he wants to re-make Pakeezaah with me, I'd say, 'Hello?'

Why?

Because Meena Kumari was 21 when she started Pakeezaah. I'm 51.

Are you really 51?

You don't believe it?

I'd like to believe I'm 28.

Seriously, age is not about years. It's about what you've done with that time.

Dene wale ne shayad thoda zyada hi de diya mujhe.