What Are Ethical Non-Monogamous Relationships?

In ethical non-monogamy, individuals have romantic or sexual relationships with several partners, states rediffGURU Ravi Mittal.

• You can ask rediffGURU Ravi Mittal your dating and relationship-related questions HERE.

 

The romance landscape is forever evolving. And monogamous relationships are not the only way to love.

Taking a diversion from the path of traditional monogamy, more and more couples are indulging in Ethical Non-Monogamous (ENM) relationships.

Let's understand the meaning of this new path of love and intimacy.

What is an Ethical Non-Monogamous relationship?

In ethical non-monogamy, individuals have romantic or sexual relationships with several partners.

It is carried out with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.

The primary aim of an ENM relationship is to form physical and emotional connections with multiple people, but the emphasis lies in the concept of 'consent of the partner'.

Unlike cheating, which is done primarily behind the partner's back and involves secrecy and betrayal, ENM is all about being open, honest and ethical.

ENM vs Cheating

It is a common misconception that an ethical non-monogamous relationship is just another form of cheating.

However, cheating involves a breach of trust and dishonesty; it is engaging in a sexual or romantic relationship with someone other than your monogamous partner without the partner's knowledge or consent.

ENM does not advocate secrecy. In this style of relationship, all parties involved are aware of what is happening and are in agreement.

Communication is a big part in this kind of relationship.

The difference between an ethical non-monogamous relationship and cheating is that a couple explores different connections with multiple people outside the relationship without deception and with the permission of the partner.

The focus of an ENM relationship is to build consensual relationships instead of secretive ones.

ENM vs Open Relationship

Sometimes, ENM relationships are confused with open or casual relationships.

Let's take a deeper look to understand how they are different.

It is true that an open or casual relationship involves multiple partners and consent is as important as it is in an ethically non-monogamous relationship. The difference lies in the depth of emotional involvement and the level of commitment.

Open relationships entail a primary relationship and consensual secondary ones.

Casual relationships do not strictly talk about consent or even disclosure. An emotional connection with any of the individuals involved is not mandatory. It can also be purely physical.

In an ethical non-monogamous relationship, one person can have a profound emotional connection with multiple partners, with none being the primary partner or casual encounters.

They can be equally invested in every one of these partners.

Therein lies the basic difference between ENM and open or casual relationships.

Now that we have some clarity on the concept of an ethically non-monogamous relationship, let's see what the dos and don'ts of ENM are:

Dos

1. Transparency

ENM is all about open and honest communication.

Transparency is a must.

All partners involved in an ethical non-monogamous relationship must be kept in the loop every step of the way.

Partners should openly communicate boundaries and expectations and express their feelings.

Individuals in an ethical non-monogamous relationship should regularly check to make sure everyone is on the same page.

2. Consent

The cornerstone of ENM is consent.

This consent is not only for the unique structure of the relationship but also for respecting and agreeing to stay within set boundaries.

Every partner engaged in the relationship should agree to respect each other's boundaries and feelings.

3. Being safe

With multiple partners involved in the relationship, it is vital to take care of one's physical well-being.

Practising safe sex and going for regular health check-ups are essential when engaging physically with multiple people. Nothing tops a clean bill of health.

4. Emotional intelligence

With so many people and emotions involved, being emotionally intelligent is a must to maintain a sustainable ethical non-monogamy relationship.

Managing expectations and having empathy is the key to any healthy relationship; it is no different when it comes to ENM.

Don'ts

1. Don't compare

With multiple people in one relationship, comparisons can be easy, but it is best to avoid doing so.

Comparisons can breed jealousy and ultimately ruin the relationship.

It is essential to remember that each partner is unique; one is not better than the other.

2. Don't neglect anyone

Even though the concept of a primary partner doesn't sit well in an ethical non-monogamous relationship, it is human tendency to get closer to one particular partner.

It is important to remember that one must not neglect the primary partner, the one you started the entire adventure with; nurturing the primary relationship is just as important as building new ones.

3. Don't ignore boundaries

Never cross boundaries that have been agreed upon by everyone involved in the relationship.

It leads to a loss of trust and comfort, the two pillars that support ENM.

• You can ask rediffGURU Ravi Mittal your dating and relationship-related questions HERE.

Ravi Mittal is the CEO of QuackQuack, an online dating platform.