First time sex? Don't fake an orgasm

Not everyone will achieve orgasm the first time they have sex, says Dr Anagha Karkhanis. Never fake one if you have not.

First time sex is an exciting time and yet an event fraught with anxiety.

Having no previous experience, a million questions arise about what is right and what is not.

First time remains with a person always and hence a memorable first time is what everyone aspires for.

There are a few dos and don’ts that will help the first timers enjoy their experience.

What you must DO

Ask yourself 'Am I ready?'

Do it for yourself and not because your partner wants it or because of peer pressure. Do it with someone you trust.

Wait till you are of the legal age to do it.

If you are not ready, don’t be under the pressure to do something you are not ready for.

Make sure you really want to do it with the partner you choose and are not pressured into doing anything or with anyone that is not your choice.

Educate yourselves

Understand your body and do your homework about what happens.

There is plenty of material available on the internet that you can read. Also, consider speaking with someone you trust and someone who is interested in your welfare and asking any questions you may have.

Decide when and where

Make sure to choose a time and place that is safe, comfortable and private.

Select a place where you will feel calm and relaxed and not have the stress of being disturbed or someone walking in. Give yourselves enough time to explore things together.

Feel free to communicate

Communication is the key to a memorable first time.

Discuss any concerns or fears beforehand.

Be open and invite questions and be honest about what you will like to do and how far you will like to go.

Don’t be shy about telling your partner and asking them, which bits were liked and which didn’t during the act.

This will help both of you to concentrate on actions that bring pleasure and avoid things that turn you off.

It is OK to say NO

Even when you have started and halfway realise you don’t want to go all the way, be brave and speak up.

You have every right to change your mind and to say NO at any time.

If your partner truly cares they will understand and give you the time you need.

What you should NOT DO

Don't forget contraception

You must consider and use contraception as even a single act of intercourse can result in a pregnancy.

The pill will safeguard against pregnancy. Even if you have planned well in advance and are on the pill, use a condom as it will safeguard you against sexually transmitted diseases.

Don't have too much alcohol

A little alcohol may help you relax but alcohol is known to impair judgment.

You must keep your wits about you so that you don’t regret your actions after the event.

Don't have pre-assumptions

Don’t expect your first encounter to be extraordinary.

Good sex takes practice and not all will happen as you imagined it would. So, don’t let disappointment creep in.

Let your first time be a start to intimacy between you and your partner and form a foundation to build your relationship.

Don't expect to bleed

Not all will bleed the first time.

The bleeding will happen when the hymen is torn/split and this can happen with a lot of other activities like cycling, running, horse riding, gymnastics, swimming etc as the hymen is very delicate.

In some women, the hymen may also be absent from birth. Have discussions about first time sex and virginity before and not after your first time.

Don't fake an orgasm

Not everyone will achieve orgasm the first time they have sex.

Never fake one if you have not.

Faking will create unrealistic expectations and make it difficult to communicate your needs later on.

Don’t let your first time freak you out. Relax and enjoy it. The first time is just the beginning.

Dr Anagha Karkhanis is senior gynaecologist and infertility specialist and director of Cocoon Fertility.