Have a calm conversation with your parents, expressing your feelings for your boyfriend while being open about the current situation between the two of you.
Sometimes, parents worry because they don't know the full picture, says rediffGURU Kanchan Rai.
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rediffGURU Kanchan Rai, a relationship coach and founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation, urges you to discuss your problems so you can seek solutions and transform your life.
Ma'am, I love a boy who is two years younger than me.
He is currently preparing for the JEE exam.
My parents are worried about my marriage and I have shared this with him.
He cried a lot because he loves me deeply.
He hasn't told his parents about our relationship because he doesn't have a job yet.
What should I do, ma'am? Please guide me.
First, have an honest conversation with him about what both of you realistically can and cannot do right now.
Since he is still working on his future and you feel pressure from your family, try to think about how much time he might need to reach a stable point.
Then, consider whether waiting for him is something that is possible for you and acceptable to your family.
It might also be helpful to have a calm conversation with your parents, expressing your feelings for him while being open about the current situation. Sometimes parents worry because they don't know the full picture.
Explaining that he is working hard toward his career goals may give them a better understanding.
You could also ask them if they’d be willing to wait for some time before making any decisions about your marriage, if they feel comfortable with that.
If waiting is not possible and your family pressures you to consider other options, it's important to think about your own long-term happiness and make the choice that is best for you.
These situations are never easy but by staying honest with yourself and your family, you will be able to make a decision that respects both your love and your future stability.
I am a 30-year-old woman from an upper-middle-class business family.
I've been in a relationship for the past four years with a man who holds a government job while I recently completed my MBA and started working at a reputable company.
He comes from a modest background and we are from different castes.
About a year and a half ago, I introduced him to my family as a potential partner but they were strongly opposed to the idea.
At the time, I decided to let it go but now I feel compelled to try again.
However, I'm uncertain about how to approach my parents and with time passing, I find myself questioning the decision to marry someone from a different background. What should I do?
First, it might be helpful to reflect on your relationship.
After four years, you likely know each other well and it's good to take stock of what you value in your partner.
Think about whether you see a long-term future together, especially in terms of shared goals, values and mutual support. These are the foundational elements that matter most, regardless of background or status.
If you're truly aligned, you can have confidence that you’re making a choice based on a solid partnership.
If you’re still sure about moving forward, you can prepare to approach your parents again.
This time, try focusing on helping them see him as a person rather than through the lens of caste or financial background. Highlight his qualities -- his character, values, work ethic and the positive impact he has on your life.
Family resistance often stems from fears about compatibility or security so if you can show them that he's a stable, dependable person who brings happiness and balance to your life, it may help ease their concerns.
At the same time, it’s natural to worry about how lifestyle differences might play out.
You might consider having an open conversation with your partner about any potential challenges you foresee.
Talking openly now about things like finances, family roles and lifestyle expectations can give you both a clearer picture of what marriage will look like and whether you feel ready to commit.
If you're still unsure, give yourself time to think it over without pressure.
Marriage is a big commitment and it’s okay to take your time.
Make sure your decision reflects what’s truly right for you and the life you want to build and trust yourself to make the choice that feels right in the end.
Hi, I come from a middle-class family and now I'm married with a three-year-old child.
Recently, my younger brother got married, and ever since his marriage, there have been ongoing issues between my mom, my brother and his wife.
All three of them bring their problems to me and my husband, which is taking a huge toll on my mental health. Whenever I try to resolve their issues, no one listens.
Living close to my parents feels like a disadvantage, as it directly affects me and my family.
I don't know how to overcome this situation. Please advise.
A compassionate but firm boundary can make a difference here.
For instance, you could gently explain to your mother, brother and his wife that while you understand and empathise with their challenges, you’re finding it difficult to handle all the tension that arises from these discussions.
You might let them know that, for the sake of your own mental health and your family's well-being, you need to step back from being involved in any discussions about their conflicts.
If they do come to you with their concerns, try gently redirecting them, perhaps by suggesting that they talk directly to each other or even consider family counselling if they’re open to it.
Remind them that only they can solve these issues by communicating directly rather than relying on you as a mediator.
Over time, they may begin to understand that their repeatedly involving you is not a productive solution.
Creating some physical and emotional space is key.
If living nearby is heightening the tension, consider adjusting how often you interact in person.
Focusing more on your own family's peace, stability and happiness will also help.
It may feel challenging at first but taking steps to protect your boundaries will benefit everyone and, gradually, they may even recognise the need to work out these issues themselves without depending on you.
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