One-sided love: How to heal a broken heart

Your heart is precious.
Don't let anyone shatter it forever.
Tista Sengupta tells you how to deal with one-sided love.

You can never run away from love. You have to walk with it.

You have to soak yourself in its emotions.

It will throw you into the sea, but trust me, it will bring you back to the shore too.

That's the charm of love. It's tricky.

When you open your heart to love, you may either get a commitment in return, a happily ever after, or be turned away as a friend, or be introduced to a someone who took your happy place that could have been.

If love is reciprocated, it makes you feel on top of the world, but when it isn't, your world comes crashing down.

Unlike a lucky few, there are those like me who have experienced the pangs of unrequited or one-sided love. I know exactly how it feels.

You can choose to live with it, knowing that the other person doesn't feel the same way. But remember, this choice can mar you for the longest time.

I don't mean to say that you should kill the 'hope' of ending up with the person you love, but just think for a moment: Is it worth waiting for a person who is aware that you are longing to be with him/her but does not feel about you the same way?

Just like you should never give up on this beautiful feeling, you shouldn't lose your confidence and love for yourself in the process of loving someone.

Many of us think one-sided lovers are really strong as they know quite well what they are getting themselves into. But let me tell you, it hurts at times!

So how can you free yourself from the pain? How can you get past one-sided love?

Here are some ways to cope with unrequited love.

Say NO to torture

When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Throw them in the garbage can.

Keeping the pain close to your heart is just a way of torturing yourself. You know it devastates you, but you still don't want to let go of it.

Don't mean to be harsh, but this isn't a wise decision.

My experience has taught me that getting rid of this pain is in your own hands.

If the other person can't change how s/he feels about you, why can't you change how you feel about them?

It's all in your head. There's no harm in trying, right?

Also, never question your love or your worth.

The more you question yourself, the more you are bound to feel depressed.

There may be times when you feel lost and are reminded of the reason you feel so empty and clueless.

Whenever this happens, try and flush these thoughts out of your system.

It isn't wrong to cry your heart out but, once you are done, you should come out stronger than what you were before.

Isolation is a boon

If you think that being around the person you love, even after being rejected, might change their decision, you may be pushing your luck.

It didn't happen to me and I don't think it really happens for most people.

If you decide to stay around or be in touch over the phone with him/her, you are harming yourself.

Ask me, I know.

Over a period of time, this made me a different and difficult person.

I struggled every day as I searched for the Real Me. I gave up on Life.

Becoming friends with the person you love does not help either.

Distancing yourself from him/her is very important if you want to recover from the emotional pain.

Every time you have a conversation with him/her, you will start reading in between the lines and either have a distasteful argument or suffer a little more within.

You have to be tough on yourself and maintain distance at least for a while to heal yourself.

When things look slightly better, and you know you are not as strongly affected any more, you can decide if you still want to be friends with the other person.

No DATES please!

Going on a date with someone else may not be the right way to move on.

Why play with someone else's emotions when you are not sure of your own?

Do you want to be the reason for someone else's heartbreak?

In that case, you wouldn't be any different from the person who rejected you.

So, give yourself some time before you get into any kind of relationship.

Make sure both your heart and head are ready to accept a new person in your life.

Distraction is good for your health

Surround yourself with your friends. Step out with them whenever you feel low.

Engage yourself at work or in studies. Enrol for an extracurricular activity that interests you.

Indulge in your hobbies and practise meditation.

It will help you calm your mind and bring in positive thoughts.

While you get busy doing all this, who knows, you might finally understand how valuable you are and why the person you loved wasn't right for you at all.

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Dear readers, you may or may not agree, but these are some lessons I learned from my experience.

If you have a story to share, you can tell us how you coped with one-sided love.

Do mail your advice and tips at getahead@rediff.co.in We will share the best tips right here.

• 'Once a cheater, always a cheater'