Relationships are built on trust and flirting with an ex, even if there's no intention of pursuing it further, can still breach that trust for some people, says rediffGURU Ravi Mittal.
Is your partner possessive, protective or insecure about you?
Do you feel threatened in your relationship?
Is there a new person or relationship you are thinking about all the time?
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rediffGURU Ravi Mittal is the CEO and founder of QuackQuack, an online dating platform. He is an expert on dating and relationships.
Anonymous: My husband caught me flirting with my ex who is also my best friend.
I explained to him it was just healthy flirting and nothing else.
Though he and I have never met or had any physical relations, my husband has now stopped talking to me.
He feels we should file for divorce. Isn't he taking things too far?
Dear Anonymous, while you might have no wrong intentions, it is understandable for your husband to feel betrayed.
This does not mean you were wrong but, at the same time, you should not be invalidating his feelings.
Relationships are built on trust and flirting with an ex, even if there's no intention of pursuing it further, can still breach that trust for some people.
Your husband's reaction, while it may seem extreme to you, is a reflection of his feelings and boundaries. What might seem like harmless flirting to you could be interpreted differently by him, especially when you have a history with that person.
Communication is key in situations like this. The best thing here is to talk things out, instead of assigning blame to each other.
Yes, there's a certain amount of 'healthy flirting' that is acceptable in many relationships but not in all relationships. You have to figure out what is and what isn't acceptable in yours.
It isn't a huge issue but then again it isn't our place to decide how much of a big deal it is for your husband. Sit together once things calm down a bit. Talk openly, validate his feelings and let him know that your intentions were not wrong.
Also, couple counselling might be beneficial in navigating these complex emotions and working through trust issues in your relationship.
Ultimately, whether or not to pursue divorce is a decision that you both need to make together after careful consideration and discussion.
Best Wishes.
Anonymous: Sir, my age is 47 years. I have one son aged 17 years studying in 10+2 class.
I lost my wife a few months ago and at present my parents are living with me to take care of me and my son.
I am the only son of my parents. Both sisters are married.
I loved my wife very much.
Now my parents, relatives and sisters are pressuring me to remarry.
What should I do? Please guide.
Dear Anonymous, I am really sorry for your loss.
I understand that pressure from family and peers can be stressful but it's important not to rush into a new relationship simply because others want you to.
While their opinions likely stem from concern for you, it's crucial to allow yourself the time and space to grieve your wife's passing.
If your family doesn't understand your decision, it's okay to stand firm.
You're an adult capable of discerning what's best for yourself. Stick to your current path and honour your grieving process.
Once you believe you have felt all the emotions, processed your loss and begun to move forward, you can consider the possibility of remarrying but only if you feel like it and are ready for it.
Marrying to fill the void or to take of your kid is never a good idea.
I am sure you are doing a great job as a single dad. Trust yourself to make the right decision when the moment is appropriate.
Best Wishes!
Anonymous: Hello there Ravi, I am married with one teenager son. My hubby has a high profile job.
About a year ago, I became friends with a married man and we connected really well. We had a great friendship.
About half a year ago we decided to disconnect from each other mutually.
It was just a very simple but amazingly thick friendship. And all the more reason to part ways.
Even though so much time has passed, there are some memories that I cannot erase and I find that we still look out for each other.
He left a huge impact on me and even though I was able to move on from him majorly, I still crash into him (we don’t talk now) or his family and the memories of our friendship comes back to me.
Earlier I used to shed a tear daily on losing him as a friend, now I don’t. But since he's always around I find it difficult to forget him fully.
Dear Anonymous, I understand it's difficult to lose a friend.
Friendships are important and it is not uncommon to have lingering feelings even if he was just a friend.
It happens with most deep friendships. However, right now it is essential to prioritise your current relationships and commitments, including your marriage and family and, most importantly, yourself.
I suggest you focus on the present and be grateful for the friendship you experienced.
Remind yourself of the reason you decided to sever ties; it must have been important enough to be worth losing a great friend.
Engage in self-care. Find new friends. Not all friendships will be thick but having friends is essential to live a healthy life.
Remember, it takes time to move on, even if it is from a friendship. Allow yourself that time. There is no need to rush through the process.
If you find these feelings persisting, seeing a counsellor can help you get through it in a more structured way.
Nevertheless, you are doing great yourself!
Best Wishes.
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