'My 12 YO is disobedient, doesn't study. Pls help'

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Ask rediffGURU Aruna Agarwal, a child psychologist, your questions HERE

Is your son or daughter addicted to gadgets?

Is s/he struggling to communicate or make friendships?

Has your child suddenly stopped talking to you?

Is s/he rude, angry, distant all the time?

Do you know what is bothering him/her?

Or do you think s/he needs help?

rediffGURU Aruna Agarwal is a qualified child psychologist and behaviour therapist with over 20 years of experience. You can ask Aruna your questions HERE.

Anonymous: Mam, my daughter is 3 and half yours old and in pre-nursery.
She is the only child.
She is well-developed and very energetic.
She likes to go to the school, but the only problem we are facing is she is very stubborn.
She does not listen to her class teachers and often picks up fight with her classmates.
It's a very worrying matter.
There is always complain from the school.

Understand what is causing the rigid behaviour and under what circumstances she gets rigid.

After understanding that, we can give proper intervention.

In case she gets agitated about sharing her things with her peers, we can give her a choice and ask her to wait for her turn.

SONA: My 12+ old son has gradually become disobedient and does not listen to us.
He doesn't want to study and most of the time wants to play games on mobile or tab.
During Covid, this habit of playing games became very strong.
He does not want to go to school and tells his elder brother that his classmates bully him as he is fat.
He developed obesity during Covid. Earlier, he was very agile.
I try to listen to him, talk to him and try to make him understand the importance of study but no heed.
In school also his work is pending.
We are really worried and upset about his behaviour.

This child needs help to set his routine.

In case he is being bullied, kindly look into it.

Talk to his friends, schoolmates and teachers to find out what is happening exactly at school.

Anand: My children -- one in 12th class and other in 9th class, boy is elder, daughter younger -- quarrel too much.
Any remedy to deal with their behaviour?

Sibling rivalry is not uncommon.

They go through lots of emotions when they are together.

Kindly check if you are comparing too much. Sometimes dealing with the situation needs mindful parenting only.

Appreciate your both children for whatever they are good at.

Understand what emotions they are going through as both children are teenagers; they may have their own issues many times.

Talk to them when they are calm and give them ways to deal with the situation.

Manjiri: My daughter is 15 years old. She just passed out Class 10.
We cannot change her sleeping time.
She sleeps at 2 to 3 am and wakes up late.
She does not talk to us, skips her lunch also which is not good for health.
She doesn't like to talk with me because I am angry about her schedule.
Last two months she hasn't spoken with me. Please guide

Your child is a teenager and would have been going through her own issues which she probably doesn't want to discuss.

Sometimes, as parents, when we are too judgmental about things and are busy correcting them and their behaviour, this issue may happen.

I would like you to be more like a friend, not only with your child but also with her friends.

Take them out together; this way you will also get to know them too.

After you have paired up well with her and her peers, you can talk to her candidly.

This way, you might be able to find out what issue she is going through.

Don't react if you get to know about anything, just act.

You can ask rediffGURU Aruna Agarwal your child and parenting-related queries HERE.

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